Comment from peggles

Excellent

Very well written this is very gruesome and horrific
But an excellent read because of it
Your imagination is extremely vivid can't think where your mind is at while you are composing
This is different and a piece of first class writing
I can't comment on grammar as such as I am rubbish there myself I look forward to reading more from you. Good job and well done.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011

Thank you, peggles for your review and wonderful comments. Yes, it's horrific, as I try to set up the book's conflict both between worlds and characters. I smile when you wonder where my mind is when I write this. It's right there seeing and describing but it doesn't feel like I'm inventing a thing. It's more like I'm an observer and they are all alive. Sometimes they move or talk so fast that I can't quite get it all and have to ask them to do it again. LOL We thank you for thinking it 'first class writing' and will post another chapter soon.:)ellen

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011

Thank you, peggles for your review and wonderful comments. Yes, it's horrific, as I try to set up the book's conflict both between worlds and characters. I smile when you wonder where my mind is when I write this. It's right there seeing and describing but it doesn't feel like I'm inventing a thing. It's more like I'm an observer and they are all alive. Sometimes they move or talk so fast that I can't quite get it all and have to ask them to do it again. LOL We thank you for thinking it 'first class writing' and will post another chapter soon.:)ellen

Comment from allborn66

Excellent

This is a very interesting chapter. I found your characters compelling and believable. The dialogue is good. The description place me in your world.
Barbara

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011

Thank you, Barbara for you helpful review. It's nice to find that you can see the world and the characters are 'compelling and believable.'

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011

Thank you, Barbara for you helpful review. It's nice to find that you can see the world and the characters are 'compelling and believable.':)barking dog

Comment from Misrael

Good

Very different kind of fiction and rather creepy. I like some fiction but this is not my favorite by any means. I can't say it is good.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011

Thank you for your review. This is labled science-fiction, not fiction, so there may be your distinction in what you read. You may not like science-fiction. You have only judged the content not the presentation. Do you have any corrections other than that you find it creepy and not to your personal taste? I have to create a good and evil conflict and thus it is creepy. Please consider the presentation and not just the content. Was it written well? Did it make you feel anything(revulsion, hate, sorrow)Did you side with Asmel in wanting to hunt down Gima? Did it make you feel or did it leave you BLAH? Have you read the first chapter for the background on this chapter as this IS part of a book, not a stand alone story. I would love helpful feedback regardless of the stars given. Would you help me improve my writing abilities? Thank you:)barking dog

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

What an imagination you have, Ellen...
I wouldn't know where to begin with
a story such as this... quite gruesome
in places.


so well presented, but a few minor things easily corrected...
everyday - every day
too rough.You've - space after period
up,submissively - and after comma
beside Gima and [and] kneels - lose 2nd "and"

Margaret

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011

Thank you, Margaret for your review and corrections and for saying it is well presented. It is supposed to be gruesome to create the good vs evil conflict. So, I guess that is there. Thank you again.:)ellen

Comment from Janie King

Excellent

Sweetheart, this is just too much for me...eating baby arms/legs..I have never ever been one to read science fiction and certainly not horror stories. Do you think up all of this stuff...can you sleep at night? The writing is fine; the story is goulish. God bless.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2011

---

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011

LOL, Janie. Sure, I sleep at night. Most of this comes from raising animals who do these goulish things. I just turned them into Vermels. Remember the ghoulish ones are the bad guys and we have to have bad guys that the reader hates in order to have great, brave good guys. We certainly don't want God's earth to end up with Vermel. It will all be brought out in the end. Hunter and Asmel are not alone to fight these horrid creatures. Killing babies is horrific.(It's a bit of a statement, don't you think. It did hit home with you. Maybe, it will make others think as well and they won't even know it. Subliminal persuasion.) Thank you for suffering through this. Sorry that it was so painful, Janie. You can see that Asmel has punishment/death for Gima on his mind. Good news, there is another born, healthy and well, not a Vermel. In the next chapter you will find hope :) Thank you for reviewing, my friend and patient reader.:)ellen God guides us all. Bless you, Janie.