Reflections For The New Day
Viewing comments for Chapter 67 "When I Stop To Think"16 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, jewell. writing this poem about the way thoughts can come back to us at any time. i enjoyed reading this. it was hard to read with the word colors.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
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this is very well written, jewell. writing this poem about the way thoughts can come back to us at any time. i enjoyed reading this. it was hard to read with the word colors.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
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thanks sweets
Comment from rama devi
Snippets of memories--good word choice
return randomly--nice alliteration
mimmicing SPELLING-mimicking
fluttering butterflies---good phonetics--sounding like what it describes
complete in colorful adornment--fine alliteration
showing up out of nowhere---okay line--slightly cliche phrase but fine
unannounced
but perfectly welcome
NICE.
Rhythmic notions
quietly dancing
in the forefront of vision
Nice--but would sound better without the gerund, i think:
Rhythmic notions
quietly dance
in the forefront of vision
Just a thought~
One blink (maybe a dash here? --)
they've disappeared
yet they linger
as afterglow
Potent and effective imagery and tone-
Stinging thoughts
return though
like hungry
pestering insects
draining me dry
in persistent
blood sucking
irritations
*
The choice (is)mine
or
The choice--mine
Good question-
Do I focus
on what is lovely
that which is pure
or allow
the sting of past
to frustrate my senses(?)
I choose life--great closing and nice dramatic pause effect (here and throughout the poem)
A very good poem but room for fine tuning.
Love it.
Love the presentation as well.
Beautiful
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
 |
Snippets of memories--good word choice
return randomly--nice alliteration
mimmicing SPELLING-mimicking
fluttering butterflies---good phonetics--sounding like what it describes
complete in colorful adornment--fine alliteration
showing up out of nowhere---okay line--slightly cliche phrase but fine
unannounced
but perfectly welcome
NICE.
Rhythmic notions
quietly dancing
in the forefront of vision
Nice--but would sound better without the gerund, i think:
Rhythmic notions
quietly dance
in the forefront of vision
Just a thought~
One blink (maybe a dash here? --)
they've disappeared
yet they linger
as afterglow
Potent and effective imagery and tone-
Stinging thoughts
return though
like hungry
pestering insects
draining me dry
in persistent
blood sucking
irritations
*
The choice (is)mine
or
The choice--mine
Good question-
Do I focus
on what is lovely
that which is pure
or allow
the sting of past
to frustrate my senses(?)
I choose life--great closing and nice dramatic pause effect (here and throughout the poem)
A very good poem but room for fine tuning.
Love it.
Love the presentation as well.
Beautiful
Love,
rd
Comment Written 10-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
-
Fine tune, I will. Thanks for your suggestion. How the heck did I misbell ;) mimick
Comment from Linda England Bonam
This was very well written and I loved the message in it. Concentrate on the beautiful things in life, or let the stupid little annoyances ruin it for you! Perfect!
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
|
This was very well written and I loved the message in it. Concentrate on the beautiful things in life, or let the stupid little annoyances ruin it for you! Perfect!
Comment Written 10-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
-
Thanks Linda!
Comment from MelissaBickel
This is so lovely an image. "Snippets of memories return randomly mimmicing fluttering butterflies"
Memories can be lovely to traverse, but as you mentioned some can destroy. I enjoyed reading this very much.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
|
This is so lovely an image. "Snippets of memories return randomly mimmicing fluttering butterflies"
Memories can be lovely to traverse, but as you mentioned some can destroy. I enjoyed reading this very much.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
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Thank you MelissaB
Comment from Denise S
You chose just the right picture for your poem. But the words were a bit too dull. The poem was not that bad the flow was not so good though
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reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
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You chose just the right picture for your poem. But the words were a bit too dull. The poem was not that bad the flow was not so good though
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
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gee thanks for the acalades, Denise.
Comment from livelylinda
VisionaryPoet777,
Good choice, choosing life. You never know what the next day will bring you. Could be a disaster to rise above or great love. . .
You have a fabulous way of arranging your verbiage. Thanks for sharing.
livelylinda
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reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
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VisionaryPoet777,
Good choice, choosing life. You never know what the next day will bring you. Could be a disaster to rise above or great love. . .
You have a fabulous way of arranging your verbiage. Thanks for sharing.
livelylinda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2011
-
thank you lively linda. What a great screen name.
I've been doing a lot of art with butterflies lately and got to thinking.... about how they show up so quietly but leave such an impression. :-)
