Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Alrighty then! I guess this is why it is in the Horror / Thriller category. I am not quite sure what to do with the narrator's speech with his wild metaphors but I guess that gives us a clue about his personality. Even without knowing the background this chapter gives us enough information to piece together the story. He couldn't compensate Raffer enough for the dangerous acting job he took on. Thanks for introducing us to Radshaw this way!
Comments:
Mike Radshaw's the name, (Open quotes and close quotes needed for this paragraph - that is if he's audibly talking. Maybe he's just thinking?)

"All manner of thing (things)

Question:
I shook my other hand into a plastic bag then sealed it up. (Was it a fake hand that he could put into a bag and seal up? Also, he sealed it up one-handed? I thought the other one was in the pocket. Confused here. Is "hand" short for "hand phone?" )

My stomach tried to bundle my shoes (??? feeling like puking?)

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2022

---

reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022

lol, thanks Helen. Radshaw's like the completely unfiltered version of Roslyn (and he plays less well with others!). Fair warning if you read the next chapter - it's got a very grim scene in it (albeit one of my favourites).

The 'talking to the read' bit is me trying to get away with a cheeky trick (like a movie doing a 4th wall-break). If it helps, think of Radshaw as the one telling us the story.

I'll have a play with the hand shake description - he's just shaking off the bodily fluids he's collected into the bag, but I obviously didn't describe it very clearly!

Oh, and 'bundle' is a bit of London slang - a group of friends might bundle themselves into a car, or when I was a teen, a 'bundle' was when everyone leapt on one another in a big heap. I may have to make that description more broadly understandable!

Mike

reply by lyenochka on 05-Sep-2022

Oh. Okay, yes, for us across the Pond, please clarify the slang more! You do want to market to us, too!

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Of course the sacrifice of innocence has always been the avatar of death, and baby sacrifice is not exactly new, but very affective in this story. An excellent one, this must have been before your 9 year absence, and an incredibly good one, you are quite the yarn spinner Mike, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2022

---

reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022

Thank you, Roy :-). This is one of my favourite tales, and most of the people who read it back when I first posted it aren't active here now, so it felt like an opportune time to revive it!

Mike

reply by royowen on 05-Sep-2022

I think the timing is good

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

Goodness me, Mike, that was brilliant! Scary, dark, torturous, gory and whatever other ghastly adjective that slips my mind at the moment. I'm still stuck in the church with that poor innocent actor! I have to read more, you have such a lovely way with words they pull you into the story. LOL. Great stuff, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2022

---

reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022

Thank you, Sandra :-). I'll revive the next chapter in a few days. Fair warning - it has a very grim scene in it... I'm looking forward to reading your final chapter - one for the train tomorrow morning, methinks :-)

Mike

Comment from John Ciarmello

Exceptional

This is beyond brilliant! I was enthralled from beginning to end. The plot is sensational and well organized. A fight against evil vs mortal is never an easy one for the mortal. I can't wait to read what doors this saga opens. I loved it, Mike! Best, JohnC

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2022

---

reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022

Thanks so much, John. I had a feeling you'd enjoy this one :-). I'll revive chapter 2 in a few days. One day, I'll write a full novel (or 10) with Mike Radshaw.

Mike

Comment from Hitcher

Excellent

I do enjoy your Mike Radshaw stories Mike, they are dark, gory, terrifying and have a kick-ass Roy Chubby Brown sense of humour to them. Brilliant opening Chapter Mike, I'm F/N in mate... Definitely.

 Comment Written 08-Aug-2013

---

reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013

Cheers, Hitch! I keep coming back to this one and writing new bits to it. It's the first Radshaw that's more than a single short story, and I think it'll be six chapters in total - so 2 more. Really glad you liked it mate :-).

Mike

Comment from lindalcreel

Excellent

I read chapters two and three and had to go back and read the beginning. This is an amazing read. I love your character's sense of humor. While part of the story has heart-pumping action, the humor fits his persona perfectly. Great read. Great plot. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 05-Aug-2013

---

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013

Thanks so much, Linda :-). Mike Radshaw is one of my favourite creations. One day he'll definitely have his own book. Until then, I'll stick to putting him in shorter stories (or in this case, a long-short-story!).

I'm really glad you enjoyed the read.

Mike

Comment from olliebuster

Excellent

This is horror at its best. It gets under your skin, its in your face. Its compelling with a grip on you that you can't escape. Recognizing that he was fooled, the devil lost his cool- "what you're not Radshaw! but the even temper and the cold, deadly mission he was on only accentuated what anyone meeting him must feel - fear. An extremely good read. Not for the faint hearted though. Excellent. Olliebuster.

 Comment Written 05-Aug-2013

---

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013

Thanks so much, Ollie :-). I'm glad you enjoyed coming along for the ride. It's great that you saw all my themes and intentions in the text.

Mike

reply by olliebuster on 06-Aug-2013

You are most welcome. Keep doing it. Olliebuster

Comment from Zue65

Excellent

This is really creepy, fighting demons who don't have qualms killing their preys, and the baby connected to a prophecy that must be killed. The plot is wild intended to scare readers. But i still value subtle scary styles not dependent on gory details of death.

 Comment Written 05-Aug-2013

---

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013

Thank you, nassus. I see this as more thriller than horror, although it's certainly intended to have some creepy moments! I'm glad you enjoyed the read.

Mike

Comment from Cookie333

Excellent

This is so gripping. I couldn't even help you with spags, or anything...I am so riveted to your story. I truly apologize but this is just so damn good! I really want to get onto the next one...so sorry, gotta run..
thanks
k

 Comment Written 05-Aug-2013

---

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013

Thanks so much, K :-). This first chapter should be pretty clean by now as it's had a few edit-overs. I'm so glad you liked it!

Mike

Comment from EBarton77

Average

I can't judge this story it's very confusing and hard 2 follow. Allas I can't give it a very accurate rating. Next time I would clarify the story more instead of using too many big words. But this story was well-written.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2012

---

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012

Thank you for reading. None of the other reviewers had trouble, so I'm happy to leave it as is. I appreciate your time.