Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Smiler Jack"A collection of my poems
75 total reviews
Comment from emjaihammond
You were robbed! Or else there was some killer competition. This is such a great story within a poem that I can't imagine it not winning. I guess they can't all win all the time, but wow!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
  |
You were robbed! Or else there was some killer competition. This is such a great story within a poem that I can't imagine it not winning. I guess they can't all win all the time, but wow!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
-
Thank you.
These site contests are very difficult to win. I have managed one win in a sonnet contest, but would love to pick one up for this category.
Steve
Comment from Leineco
This is truly a wonderful story in a poem! I admit I approached it with trepidation, but damn, if I wasn't quickly sucked in! The meter and rhyme just danced me through it and I couldn't wait to see where it was going.
I'm not sure that there is higher praise I can give to a poem :-)
(sorry...I can't award the six it deserves...I have been reviewing like crazy this past week to build up some reserves and accidentally used my last 6 :-(
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
|
This is truly a wonderful story in a poem! I admit I approached it with trepidation, but damn, if I wasn't quickly sucked in! The meter and rhyme just danced me through it and I couldn't wait to see where it was going.
I'm not sure that there is higher praise I can give to a poem :-)
(sorry...I can't award the six it deserves...I have been reviewing like crazy this past week to build up some reserves and accidentally used my last 6 :-(
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
-
Thank you for the very kind words and the virtual six - I'm glad you felt drawn into the story and not put off by its length.
Steve
Comment from Callyope
This piece is just incredible, splendid, and phenomenal! I never saw the tears coming, they just hit me like a steel wall. I was so enthralled that my eyes couldn't read the words fast enough! So very well written... Poetic perfection... I salute you, kiwisteveh! Clappety-clap-clap!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
 |
This piece is just incredible, splendid, and phenomenal! I never saw the tears coming, they just hit me like a steel wall. I was so enthralled that my eyes couldn't read the words fast enough! So very well written... Poetic perfection... I salute you, kiwisteveh! Clappety-clap-clap!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
-
Thanks so much for the enthusiastic review and the six shining stars!
With most of my verse I am looking for a laugh, but in this case the tears are just as rewarding.
Steve
Comment from SteveY
Man this would have got my vote about 10 times over. I like both versions extremely well. I kind of like the first one though. I like happy endings. Excellent job my friend, just outstanding. I have no sixes or you'd be gettin it!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
|
Man this would have got my vote about 10 times over. I like both versions extremely well. I kind of like the first one though. I like happy endings. Excellent job my friend, just outstanding. I have no sixes or you'd be gettin it!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
-
Thank you, Steve. reviews like yours convince me that I did the right thing to dust this one off and bring it back for an encore.
Steve
Comment from dmt1967
I am so glad you picked the happier ending for your poem I did like this poem best poem in a story I have heard thank you for sharing well told
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
|
I am so glad you picked the happier ending for your poem I did like this poem best poem in a story I have heard thank you for sharing well told
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
-
Thanks so much.
Steve
Comment from PoesyPoet
Oh I loved it. You told quite the story. I liked the happy ending, but I gotta tell you, a conversation with a man dead for a year, is pretty scary. Best of luck in the contest; it sounds like a winner to me. PP
ps you may want to take another look at the line with 'Hellfire Pass' I stumbled there when all the other lines read so smoothly.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
|
Oh I loved it. You told quite the story. I liked the happy ending, but I gotta tell you, a conversation with a man dead for a year, is pretty scary. Best of luck in the contest; it sounds like a winner to me. PP
ps you may want to take another look at the line with 'Hellfire Pass' I stumbled there when all the other lines read so smoothly.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
-
Thank you, PP.
Steve
Comment from God's Writer
A grand story/poem about a terrible atrocity that happened many years ago. It is good that someone remembers and took the time to honor those brave souls that gave all for our fourth of July.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
|
A grand story/poem about a terrible atrocity that happened many years ago. It is good that someone remembers and took the time to honor those brave souls that gave all for our fourth of July.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
-
Thank you.
Steve
Comment from headingley
What a great read.
Just love the idea that smiler Jack was sent almost as a guardian angel to help him turn his life around. A story and a poem all cleverly woven into one.
I try to write in a similar style to this so think thats what had me transfixed with reading it. Was just about to say "get another cold one" until smiler did the honours.
Well done. Its a ripper!!!
Headingley
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
|
What a great read.
Just love the idea that smiler Jack was sent almost as a guardian angel to help him turn his life around. A story and a poem all cleverly woven into one.
I try to write in a similar style to this so think thats what had me transfixed with reading it. Was just about to say "get another cold one" until smiler did the honours.
Well done. Its a ripper!!!
Headingley
Comment Written 05-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013
-
Thanks so much for the kind words and the six shiny stars.
Steve
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh, I'm a sucker for a happy ending, Steve. I much prefer the ending you settled on; The poem is fabulous and quite a deal of work. I loved particularly your great rhyming and vernacular. Good luck for the competition. (You know you have to be twice as good to make it as an Aussie or a Kiwi) Giddy
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
|
Oh, I'm a sucker for a happy ending, Steve. I much prefer the ending you settled on; The poem is fabulous and quite a deal of work. I loved particularly your great rhyming and vernacular. Good luck for the competition. (You know you have to be twice as good to make it as an Aussie or a Kiwi) Giddy
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
-
Thanks, Giddy - yes, I know the happy ending is the one that fits the rest of the poem best.
This was a 'revived' poem from a couple of years ago, so the contest is long gone, but you can see why I had hopes for this entry - one day!
Steve
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is a nice work about a person's involvement in new civic activity where he has to suffer a lot in the journey taking to the last, a story about withstanding living restoring rights. 13/704
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
|
This is a nice work about a person's involvement in new civic activity where he has to suffer a lot in the journey taking to the last, a story about withstanding living restoring rights. 13/704
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2013
-
Thank you.
Steve