The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Now What?"A family learns their father is a serial killer
35 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You have done an excellent job with the rewrite. The first version was good, but this version is wonderful. I am glad you were able to do this again.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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You have done an excellent job with the rewrite. The first version was good, but this version is wonderful. I am glad you were able to do this again.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you so very much, but just between you and me, I will never tackle a rewrite again. I will simply have to do it right the first time. Hardest thing I have ever done.
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I believe that.
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha,
your rewrite of chapter three is in top notch form and awesomely written. I could feel James and his anguish. I can not believe his brother became upset at him for turning in their murderous father. It sickens me when a family member or a loved one looks the other way when a beloved one is a murderer. The are enabling the said evil person and I find them just as culpability in the crime. Good for James doing the right thing because the only way to stop a serial killer is jailing them or death. I look forward to reading the next chapter. Keep on rocking out the writing hits in 2011, my friend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Sasha,
your rewrite of chapter three is in top notch form and awesomely written. I could feel James and his anguish. I can not believe his brother became upset at him for turning in their murderous father. It sickens me when a family member or a loved one looks the other way when a beloved one is a murderer. The are enabling the said evil person and I find them just as culpability in the crime. Good for James doing the right thing because the only way to stop a serial killer is jailing them or death. I look forward to reading the next chapter. Keep on rocking out the writing hits in 2011, my friend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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I agree but you have to admit it would be a shock, especially if the person showed no sign of being a violent person. The first step in acceptance is,sadly, denial. Then comes anger, and, hopefully, eventually acceptance. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from Alaskastory
'Now What?' chapter is a real nail biter. You expertly dramatize the tragic news for the family and James' reaction to the misery he brought.
typo: '..and demanded to (k)now what evidence they had.'
Sasha, this is a terrific chapter! luv, Marie
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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'Now What?' chapter is a real nail biter. You expertly dramatize the tragic news for the family and James' reaction to the misery he brought.
typo: '..and demanded to (k)now what evidence they had.'
Sasha, this is a terrific chapter! luv, Marie
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the spag and a special thanks for the marvelous 6 stars, I sincerely appreciate it. I am thrilled you are enjoying this.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy.
Another reading treat. The growing friendship between James and Mac is fascinating - in the circumstances.
I wonder if James is basically a cold fish due to that enormous IQ? The rest of the family seem to be acting what I suppose you could call normally.
See - your writing is so good I'm already beginning to think of them as real people!
Bring on the next Chapter!
Ron
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Hi Smurphy.
Another reading treat. The growing friendship between James and Mac is fascinating - in the circumstances.
I wonder if James is basically a cold fish due to that enormous IQ? The rest of the family seem to be acting what I suppose you could call normally.
See - your writing is so good I'm already beginning to think of them as real people!
Bring on the next Chapter!
Ron
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Being a genius James is more comfortable with book than he is with people. He is a fact oriented person, which is not unusual for someone so smart. He does not have any real friends and therefore doesn't have strong social skills. He thinks more than he talks. As the story progresses, James's personality will become more understandable, but for now he does appear cold and distant. Glad you like this so far.
Comment from RebelRose
This is a great chapter. It's hard to accept news like this. I can't even imagine hearing this about someone you love. You really describe all the emotion and interaction very well.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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This is a great chapter. It's hard to accept news like this. I can't even imagine hearing this about someone you love. You really describe all the emotion and interaction very well.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you. I am happy you liked this one.
Comment from lola29
This is a very emotional chapter, and your writing absolutely showcases your brilliant talent. I feel so much sympathy and empathy for James, who is definitely one brave and courageous young man.
We have just arrested your husband and father. The sentence is a bit confusing because it reads like her husband is also her father.
How did the detective know Charlie's name?
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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This is a very emotional chapter, and your writing absolutely showcases your brilliant talent. I feel so much sympathy and empathy for James, who is definitely one brave and courageous young man.
We have just arrested your husband and father. The sentence is a bit confusing because it reads like her husband is also her father.
How did the detective know Charlie's name?
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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The detective is talking to both the wife and children so he refers to the suspect as 'husband and father'. It would be natural for the police to investigate everyone the father knows, family, neighbors, and co-workers. Glad you like this chapter.
Comment from LadyNyx
Wow! Great addition, had me riveted the whole time through. Very emotionally angst, I like that a lot. I can't wait to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Wow! Great addition, had me riveted the whole time through. Very emotionally angst, I like that a lot. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thanks, I am thrilled you enjoyed this chapter.
Comment from L.lora
Extremely riviting in
all ways, the descriptions,
the dialogue, the way you
have structured the chronilogical
order of events and how they
are being dealt with.
typos="I'll just have(a) glass of milk."
"Detective Mac leaned over and place(d) his hand on my shoulder"
Looking forward to your next post. Lora
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Extremely riviting in
all ways, the descriptions,
the dialogue, the way you
have structured the chronilogical
order of events and how they
are being dealt with.
typos="I'll just have(a) glass of milk."
"Detective Mac leaned over and place(d) his hand on my shoulder"
Looking forward to your next post. Lora
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am so pleased you enjoyed this one.
Comment from Realist101
Hi Sasha! Wow, this is tense...it really evokes an atmosphere of strife. AND brings back the vivid memory of my Father being hauled out of his bed at 10 pm one night, by two burly state troopers because he had shot two dogs that were trying to kill our sheep. This was in the seventies. And my Dad was one of those people who had never done anything wrong in his life, but he killed those dogs. And went to court and told the judge exactly why. He walked out, no charges. The owner of the dogs was an IRRESPONSIBLE city councilman, thus the rousting. ANYWAY, so sorry, your story is super Sasha. I have one suggestion, break the big paragraph in half? This is what I am told too a lot!? Also your character Charlie reminds me of someone I know! ") Luv, ! Susan
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Hi Sasha! Wow, this is tense...it really evokes an atmosphere of strife. AND brings back the vivid memory of my Father being hauled out of his bed at 10 pm one night, by two burly state troopers because he had shot two dogs that were trying to kill our sheep. This was in the seventies. And my Dad was one of those people who had never done anything wrong in his life, but he killed those dogs. And went to court and told the judge exactly why. He walked out, no charges. The owner of the dogs was an IRRESPONSIBLE city councilman, thus the rousting. ANYWAY, so sorry, your story is super Sasha. I have one suggestion, break the big paragraph in half? This is what I am told too a lot!? Also your character Charlie reminds me of someone I know! ") Luv, ! Susan
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Yes I have a tendency to write long paragraphs. I'll go back over this and see what I can do. I am so glad you liked this one.
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") Me too, I am trying to take my own advice too! ") Hope you are doing well Sasha! Suse
Comment from c_lucas
This is a much better approach than the original draft. It is well written with excellent dialogue and a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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This is a much better approach than the original draft. It is well written with excellent dialogue and a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much. I am thrilled you like the changes. There are plenty more to come.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Chrlie