Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Innocent Looks"A book of a mixture of stories
73 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I had to have a giggle, it's such an excellent entry in this horror flash fiction, and you won it and deservedly so, it was a first class entry, but this not your usual scribal fare, well done Carol, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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I had to have a giggle, it's such an excellent entry in this horror flash fiction, and you won it and deservedly so, it was a first class entry, but this not your usual scribal fare, well done Carol, blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Good morning, Roy. You are so right! I wrote this one and my son used it for his first attempt at filming (no budget, just friends). We were talking about it yesterday and he said maybe he should try remaking it since now he knew more than he did back then. I looked it up and posted to see what people thought of it now. Glad you liked it. Smiles, Carol
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Well done
Comment from Susan Newell
Well, that was quite a twist at the end. You have a real knack for building suspense and then dropping the unexpected. I can see why this took a blue ribbon. I knew it would be Tommy behind her, but had no idea of turned up the music to drowned of what else was coming.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Well, that was quite a twist at the end. You have a real knack for building suspense and then dropping the unexpected. I can see why this took a blue ribbon. I knew it would be Tommy behind her, but had no idea of turned up the music to drowned of what else was coming.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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glad you enjoyed this one. Matt made his first short film using this story. We were talking about it yesterday so I decided to look it up. He's thinking about revising a new film now that he knows more than he did when he first started. Thanks for reading. Smiles, Carol
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You are welcome!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You could publish a book with all these brilliant flash fiction stories. They are just right for people hanging around waiting for the bus/train/whatever. Two minute stories! This one was excellent, that was a real twist at the end. Loved it and congratulations on winning the contest 11 years ago! Lol. Warm hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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You could publish a book with all these brilliant flash fiction stories. They are just right for people hanging around waiting for the bus/train/whatever. Two minute stories! This one was excellent, that was a real twist at the end. Loved it and congratulations on winning the contest 11 years ago! Lol. Warm hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Funny ...long ago that's what my mom and I talked about. Me putting together the shorts in a book. I have dozens of them. This was Matt's first attempt at a short (no budget, just friends) and yesterday we were talking about it and revising and filming again. I decided to look it up and repost to see if people still thought it was worthy. Thanks..Smiles, Carol
Comment from Pantygynt
The hunted turns hunter. at least that is how we are supposed to see it. There is no reason why the serial killer shouldn't be a woman, and in these days of equal opportunities this had to come whether or not we agree. Well done to win the contest. It is not hard to see why.,
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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The hunted turns hunter. at least that is how we are supposed to see it. There is no reason why the serial killer shouldn't be a woman, and in these days of equal opportunities this had to come whether or not we agree. Well done to win the contest. It is not hard to see why.,
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much for your kindness and for reviewing the story. My son used this short to make his first attempt at filming (no budget, just friends) and yesterday we were talking about revising it...thus I looked it up and posted. Appreciate your comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
What a great ending! What a horror story! The suspense and fear produced in the reader were palpable. You gave nothing away. Very well done. Best wishes for your entry in the contest. It should do well!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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What a great ending! What a horror story! The suspense and fear produced in the reader were palpable. You gave nothing away. Very well done. Best wishes for your entry in the contest. It should do well!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
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Good morning, Wendy...Thank you for stopping by to read this short story and to comment. My son is thinking about doing a short film and we were discussing the story...thus the repost. Thanks so much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from tailypo
I love the twisted ending! I really did see the main character as the victim, so was totally walloped by the role reversal. My only criticism is that the piece is SO short and the sentences rather clipped--the result of constraining entries to 200 words, not the author's fault. A few longer and more visually descriptive sentences would have helped this to flow better. With that ending and a bit more descriptive elaboration, this could be incredible. I would love to see this fleshed out in a less confined venue.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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I love the twisted ending! I really did see the main character as the victim, so was totally walloped by the role reversal. My only criticism is that the piece is SO short and the sentences rather clipped--the result of constraining entries to 200 words, not the author's fault. A few longer and more visually descriptive sentences would have helped this to flow better. With that ending and a bit more descriptive elaboration, this could be incredible. I would love to see this fleshed out in a less confined venue.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Sorry for my tardiness..Life is not being kind of late. Appreciate your kindness. Smiles, Carol
Comment from marcellawachtel
Perfect! You sure made those 200 words (or whatever) work for you! I admired your easy, narrative prose. Pulling the knife from your pocket should have given me a clue that all was not sweetness and light here, but your ending sentence was a real 'kick in the head' flash.
reply by the author on 15-May-2010
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Perfect! You sure made those 200 words (or whatever) work for you! I admired your easy, narrative prose. Pulling the knife from your pocket should have given me a clue that all was not sweetness and light here, but your ending sentence was a real 'kick in the head' flash.
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 15-May-2010
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marcellawachtel,
Thank you for the continued support and all your kindness. I truly appreciate it. Smiles, Carol
Comment from bluedragon776
Very nice. We are led to think that the protagonist is the victim when in actuality....
This piece read almost like poetry. I commend you because it would be very hard for me to limit a story to 200 words. Good Job!!
reply by the author on 15-May-2010
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Very nice. We are led to think that the protagonist is the victim when in actuality....
This piece read almost like poetry. I commend you because it would be very hard for me to limit a story to 200 words. Good Job!!
Comment Written 12-May-2010
reply by the author on 15-May-2010
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Bluedragon,
s always, I truly appreciate the time you took to read my story and for your gracious comments. Thank you...Carol
Comment from Janalea
This was frightening to me. It actually gave me goosebumps! Cogradulations on winning the contest! Your pic you chose was very fitting for the eerie feel you were portraying! thanks, Janalea
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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This was frightening to me. It actually gave me goosebumps! Cogradulations on winning the contest! Your pic you chose was very fitting for the eerie feel you were portraying! thanks, Janalea
Comment Written 11-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Janalea,
Thank you so much for the best wishes and for the generous comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Judi
Dear Begin Again:
Whoa! I was NOT ready for that ending! But it was pure genius as well as pure evil!
As I read along, I actually 'heard' his thought,
"Someone's behind me", and began to think HE was going to be a victim of some sort of macabre whatever!
Wow. If your intent was to shock -- which I am sure it was -- then you succeeded!
Great job! Extremely well done!! I can certainly see why it was chosen a winner! Judi
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Dear Begin Again:
Whoa! I was NOT ready for that ending! But it was pure genius as well as pure evil!
As I read along, I actually 'heard' his thought,
"Someone's behind me", and began to think HE was going to be a victim of some sort of macabre whatever!
Wow. If your intent was to shock -- which I am sure it was -- then you succeeded!
Great job! Extremely well done!! I can certainly see why it was chosen a winner! Judi
Comment Written 11-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Judi,
Thank you so much for enjoying the story. I really appreciate the kind review. smiles, Carol