Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Treacherous Tree"An extended story in poem form
22 total reviews
Comment from Hitcher
Another great chapter Mike, very cool! and what awesome visuals, you are having way too much fun writing this mate, ha ha. Which means I'm having a great deal of fun following the saga of the poor Wandering Man, loved the cliff hanger ending, that should bring them all clamoring back for more, great story telling, and an class poem mate, I never doubted you friend, brilliant!
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Another great chapter Mike, very cool! and what awesome visuals, you are having way too much fun writing this mate, ha ha. Which means I'm having a great deal of fun following the saga of the poor Wandering Man, loved the cliff hanger ending, that should bring them all clamoring back for more, great story telling, and an class poem mate, I never doubted you friend, brilliant!
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Thanks, Hitch! I had a lot of trouble with this one, so it's great to hear that it's come out well in the end. I'll be posting chapter four today; I spent do long on this one that I'd already written the one after before I posted it!
Mike
Comment from Sasha
This is making a nervous wreck out of me. I hate having to wait for the next post. I have just crowned you the King of Cliffhangers....so, so very cruel. Marvelous addition to this story and as I said, I am holding my breath waiting for the next chapter. If I had a 6 it would definitely be yours.
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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This is making a nervous wreck out of me. I hate having to wait for the next post. I have just crowned you the King of Cliffhangers....so, so very cruel. Marvelous addition to this story and as I said, I am holding my breath waiting for the next chapter. If I had a 6 it would definitely be yours.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Aww, thank you! You don't have long to wait for the next chapter, I promise! You always keep a smile on my face and determination in my heart :-)
Mike
Comment from Judian James
Excellent continuance of the adventures of our Wandering Man.
"With panic in her desperate gaze,
she bade me move along
before the others saw me as
a brick to make them strong.
"You cannot understand," she said,
"this isn't what you need."
But I would sacrifice all time
for ten minutes of creed." Two superb verses Mike!!
"She'd looked at me with silent eyes,
a mute testimony
to how a lonely heart is tricked
by thoughts of company." This verse is not as strong as all the others and detracts from the rest. It's off. Although the syllable count is there, I think "testimony" needs to be replaced or the entire line reworked and I also think "company" is not a good enough rhyme for the flow. Bear in mind, I do not have your accent, which could be the culprit right there!! I'm loving this journey
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Excellent continuance of the adventures of our Wandering Man.
"With panic in her desperate gaze,
she bade me move along
before the others saw me as
a brick to make them strong.
"You cannot understand," she said,
"this isn't what you need."
But I would sacrifice all time
for ten minutes of creed." Two superb verses Mike!!
"She'd looked at me with silent eyes,
a mute testimony
to how a lonely heart is tricked
by thoughts of company." This verse is not as strong as all the others and detracts from the rest. It's off. Although the syllable count is there, I think "testimony" needs to be replaced or the entire line reworked and I also think "company" is not a good enough rhyme for the flow. Bear in mind, I do not have your accent, which could be the culprit right there!! I'm loving this journey
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Thank you, Jude :-). You;re not the only one who picked out that stanza as weak so I'll certainly be taking a look at it. Regardless of accent, that is a rhyme and a meter than I have to stretch to read right, and that's never good. So glad you enjoyed the new chapter, though!
Mike
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How about "cacophony" or "acrimony" or even "phony"? I know there's a distinct accent thing that must separate us to some degree in our rhymes however
Comment from babylonia
mike,
it's crazy what loneliness will make us do? we can get into all sorts of craziness because of it. really enjoying this one.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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mike,
it's crazy what loneliness will make us do? we can get into all sorts of craziness because of it. really enjoying this one.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Thank you Barbara :-). I'm so thrilled to have you back on board.
Mike
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mike,
i'm here. probably not as much as i used to be but hopefully more than the last month or so.
love,
barbara
Comment from Mary Faucheux
Wow that is some powerful writing. There are so many parts that are exceptional I wouldn't know where to start. What a statement this poem makes. Gives me chills.
Mary
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Wow that is some powerful writing. There are so many parts that are exceptional I wouldn't know where to start. What a statement this poem makes. Gives me chills.
Mary
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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Thank you, Mary :-). What a great review! I'm so glad you;r still enjoying this saga.
Mike
Comment from Sharesy
This was excellent, Mike. Even at the end of the world as we know it, women are still making fools out of men. How is your wandering man going to get out of this one? Nicely done.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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This was excellent, Mike. Even at the end of the world as we know it, women are still making fools out of men. How is your wandering man going to get out of this one? Nicely done.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you :-). I took ages to post this one because I wasn;t happy with it util I'd done some last minute fiddling. As a result, part four is already written, so you'll find out what happens pretty soon!
Mike
Comment from Josipher32
Fleedleflump,
"The Treacherous Tree" was a very well written chapter of your fantasy poetry book "Chronicles of the Wandering Man" I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Fleedleflump,
"The Treacherous Tree" was a very well written chapter of your fantasy poetry book "Chronicles of the Wandering Man" I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Josipher. I appreciate the read through and your lovely comments.
Mike
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Cool poem.
I like the image and visual presentation.
Interesting.
Good title.
My favorite parts:
The 2 first stanzas
and the last stanza
Kathryn
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Cool poem.
I like the image and visual presentation.
Interesting.
Good title.
My favorite parts:
The 2 first stanzas
and the last stanza
Kathryn
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Kathryn :-). I had a hard time with this chapter, which is why it took me a while to post. The next one's already done, so it'll be floating around the site this weekend.
Mike
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You're welcome Mike, yeah, I know what you mean, some come out easier than others.
Kathryn
Comment from adewpearl
fever's fervored lust - love the alliteration in that verse - I am with the wandering man - after all those years of solitude and believing myself to be the only one alive, I think I would have ignored the girl's warning and begged her to take me to her dangerous community too. I find it touching that after a century he still longs for companionship and she still feels compassion - it is good to know some basic humanity can survive the worst the world can throw at people even though now he faces the worst at the hands of her three insane companions. Brooke
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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fever's fervored lust - love the alliteration in that verse - I am with the wandering man - after all those years of solitude and believing myself to be the only one alive, I think I would have ignored the girl's warning and begged her to take me to her dangerous community too. I find it touching that after a century he still longs for companionship and she still feels compassion - it is good to know some basic humanity can survive the worst the world can throw at people even though now he faces the worst at the hands of her three insane companions. Brooke
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Brooke. I'm glad the underlying emotional implications came across. I've been delaying posting this one because I wasn;t very happy with it, though I made a few last minute changes as I typed it into the submission screen which I think brought it up to where I wanted it. I'm rambling now! Thank you, my friend :-)
Mike
Comment from MyYiaYia
Wow, what a read! I went back and read it from the beginning chapter. I enjoyed it immensely. I don't know what this poetry is called, but I know what I like. Sort of reminded me of the Illiad. Am I on the right track? I thought it was superb and I don't want to miss anymore of it. So, I am now a fan.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Wow, what a read! I went back and read it from the beginning chapter. I enjoyed it immensely. I don't know what this poetry is called, but I know what I like. Sort of reminded me of the Illiad. Am I on the right track? I thought it was superb and I don't want to miss anymore of it. So, I am now a fan.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Cool! I'm always excited to get a new reader on board, especially with series like this, as the further it progresses, the fewer people are likely to be interested in a new post (unless, of course, they've been following it).
I don't mind admitting I have no idea what the 'official term' might be for this type of poetry; I'm just trying to tell an ongoing story with it, so I guess it's very much like the Illiad, yes. THank you for the wonderful review! I'm so glad you were driven to read the older chapters as well :-)
Mike