Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Mother Dust"An extended story in poem form
118 total reviews
Comment from kintesiegel
I haven't had a more pleasant read for a long, long time. This certainly should make critics blink a bit if not completely choke on their assumptions of what is or is not a poem.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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I haven't had a more pleasant read for a long, long time. This certainly should make critics blink a bit if not completely choke on their assumptions of what is or is not a poem.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Wow, what an utterly fantastic review :-). How hugely encouraging! I'm so glad you enjoyed the read so much. Not sure if you caught part two before you signed up to be notified, but it's online if you're interested. I'm currently beavering away on part three. Thank you for your wonderful comments!
Mike
Comment from Amicus
This is a stunning dark post apocalyptic vision that you adeptly provide here, Mike....the language is powerful, the use of imagery and rhyme satisfying and the concept of this Wandering Man still seeking some purpose for existing is compelling. You sure have me hooked and I am eager to see where this leads.
I wasn't able to give you another sixer...but this one deserves it.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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This is a stunning dark post apocalyptic vision that you adeptly provide here, Mike....the language is powerful, the use of imagery and rhyme satisfying and the concept of this Wandering Man still seeking some purpose for existing is compelling. You sure have me hooked and I am eager to see where this leads.
I wasn't able to give you another sixer...but this one deserves it.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Amicus :-). Sixes are always nice but a great review from a respected colleague is the real goal. I'm thrilled you enjoyed my poem.
Mike
Comment from mountainwriter49
This is a most interesting, complex poem that effectively
uses layers of metaphor and descriptive language to
perfection. The complex nature of the poem forces
the reader to slow down, read and ponder the meanings. I
like this kind of poem. Well done! -ray
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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This is a most interesting, complex poem that effectively
uses layers of metaphor and descriptive language to
perfection. The complex nature of the poem forces
the reader to slow down, read and ponder the meanings. I
like this kind of poem. Well done! -ray
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Ray. I'm glad you were drawn to truly read the poem, rather than let it sail past (as can happen of the rhyme and meter are too smoothe, in my experience). I'm so glad you liked it :-)
Mike
Comment from Artasylum
this is very layered and you have done a great progression with this piece...love the concept and the execution...good luck and looking forward....diana
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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this is very layered and you have done a great progression with this piece...love the concept and the execution...good luck and looking forward....diana
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Diana :-). I've had a great response to this and have now posted part two, with part three currently in production! So glad you enjoyed the read!
Mike
Comment from amel
A thought-provoking piece of verse, Fleedleflump.
I just think this is the heart of the message (am I wrong?)
As lust became our currency
and testing was a virtue,
poor Mother Nature bled upon
altars of profit's nurture.
Great in flow , rhyming, meaning, message and beauty, dear poet. So sad I only have five. You deserve six.
Great job.
love, amel
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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A thought-provoking piece of verse, Fleedleflump.
I just think this is the heart of the message (am I wrong?)
As lust became our currency
and testing was a virtue,
poor Mother Nature bled upon
altars of profit's nurture.
Great in flow , rhyming, meaning, message and beauty, dear poet. So sad I only have five. You deserve six.
Great job.
love, amel
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Amel. I like to think there are several messages in there, but you have certainly picked out the key one, yes. So glad you enjoyed the read :-)
Mike
Comment from vickib
Hey you need him to find a wandering woman, or a cigarette. This is the first time I've read your writing but I see your very accomplished and I can see why. I'm kinda slow though so I had to read it a few hundred times ... kidding, ten. I aspire to be so clever with words, Vicki
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Hey you need him to find a wandering woman, or a cigarette. This is the first time I've read your writing but I see your very accomplished and I can see why. I'm kinda slow though so I had to read it a few hundred times ... kidding, ten. I aspire to be so clever with words, Vicki
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Vicki. I'm honoured, though I don't believe for a second you're even remotely slow! A review that makes me smile is always a treasure, and this did exactly that :-)
Have you seen part 2? I posted it yesterday, though I couldn;t afford to promote it to the front page.
Mike
Comment from colin
This is (in my opinion) a very good descriptive view of mankind in his final throws of his life.Escaping the 'rat-race' is one very good way of healing or indeed curing cancer in the World and the individual,as greed,slaughter and destruction is mankind's legacy.
We are all 'wandering men'to a degree,some far more than others.
I enjoyed reading your poem,the lines;
"Eventually the land was dry,
no creature found a mate.
The World,in all its innocence,
Fell victim to our hate". I felt depicts mankind perfectly.
A good idea that worked perfectly well for me, well written and well done; peace...Colin.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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This is (in my opinion) a very good descriptive view of mankind in his final throws of his life.Escaping the 'rat-race' is one very good way of healing or indeed curing cancer in the World and the individual,as greed,slaughter and destruction is mankind's legacy.
We are all 'wandering men'to a degree,some far more than others.
I enjoyed reading your poem,the lines;
"Eventually the land was dry,
no creature found a mate.
The World,in all its innocence,
Fell victim to our hate". I felt depicts mankind perfectly.
A good idea that worked perfectly well for me, well written and well done; peace...Colin.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Colin. I'm thrilled you enjoyed the read, and got so much from it. I was going for a multi-layered feel, and the wealth of different thoughts I've had in response is highly encouraging :-). Thanks again for a great review.
Mike
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
Not only a very entertaining and pensive narrative, it would make an excellent script. You put in some time it appears to making this such an outspoken work. Good job.
Dave
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Not only a very entertaining and pensive narrative, it would make an excellent script. You put in some time it appears to making this such an outspoken work. Good job.
Dave
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Dave. Several people have suggested to me that this would work well performed in some way. It's an interesting idea!
Mike
Comment from Bryana
Wow, this is rather scary.
Well written and interesting.
This stanza caught my interest.
With horro's black yet verdant hope
I quest on through the landscape
A tiny and against the world,
I seek my solace in escape.
I find the rhythm and flow very good
throughout the poem. No changes suggested.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Wow, this is rather scary.
Well written and interesting.
This stanza caught my interest.
With horro's black yet verdant hope
I quest on through the landscape
A tiny and against the world,
I seek my solace in escape.
I find the rhythm and flow very good
throughout the poem. No changes suggested.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Bryana :-). I do enjoy writing the darker poetry. So glad you were driven to read through and leave me your thoughts!
Mike
Comment from rivki1111
Hello, lots of great imagery and the premise for the poems is a great idea.
The dust cakes lungs and soils my air - This line is rather awkward and in my opinion it interrupted the flow and could be improved upon.
A good poem that I would recommend to others for review, cheers, rivki
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Hello, lots of great imagery and the premise for the poems is a great idea.
The dust cakes lungs and soils my air - This line is rather awkward and in my opinion it interrupted the flow and could be improved upon.
A good poem that I would recommend to others for review, cheers, rivki
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Rivki. I'll take another look at that line and consider my alternatives. Thanks for the encouraging comments!
Mike