Contest Entry and Winners
Viewing comments for Chapter -10 "Breathe Again"Short Stories
40 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
And another one!! You are so good at these short stories, now tell me, you will publish a book of them, won't you? Another wonderful friend of mine on here had a book of 50 short stories published. Actually, her daughter published them after Phyllis died. (I miss her a lot) So, let's be getting yours done. How many have you written now?
I love this one, and good for her! I would have done the same. What a nasty piece of work Tylor was, thank goodness she shot him! Well done, my friend, excellent writing as always! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
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And another one!! You are so good at these short stories, now tell me, you will publish a book of them, won't you? Another wonderful friend of mine on here had a book of 50 short stories published. Actually, her daughter published them after Phyllis died. (I miss her a lot) So, let's be getting yours done. How many have you written now?
I love this one, and good for her! I would have done the same. What a nasty piece of work Tylor was, thank goodness she shot him! Well done, my friend, excellent writing as always! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 21-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
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Good morning, Sandra... I have been spending a few days rummaging through my old stories and sorting them out. I'd forgotten some of them until I reread them too. I even discovered I use to write poetry... Not good poetry, but I wrote it. LOL, Maybe I will post a taste of it so people can have a laugh. I tried to get started on the rewrite, but I struggled and switched gears for a day or two. Thanks for always being there for me. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Begin Again Congratulations
Now I can see why you were the contest winner.
Your ending was a big surprise to me
My first what I thought was a clue is when Jenny found a gun in her pink sweater.
A perfect suspense and an intriguing story.
Gert
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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Hello Begin Again Congratulations
Now I can see why you were the contest winner.
Your ending was a big surprise to me
My first what I thought was a clue is when Jenny found a gun in her pink sweater.
A perfect suspense and an intriguing story.
Gert
Comment Written 12-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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Gert
I am glad that you enjoyed this story and appreciate the thoughtful words. Smiles, Carol
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Take care Carol
Gert
Comment from minopavlic
Very well crafted.I was drawn into the story as well the characters you portray with a realistic,elegant flair.Looking forward to reading more.
No_obstacle
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2009
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Very well crafted.I was drawn into the story as well the characters you portray with a realistic,elegant flair.Looking forward to reading more.
No_obstacle
Comment Written 06-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2009
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no obstacles
So glad you enjoyed this little story. Appreciate the review. CArol
Comment from BethShelby
I did read this before. It was a good one to recycle.
Carol, You did an excellent job with this story. No wonder you are winner. Congratulations. This had an excellent plot and your writing held my attention from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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I did read this before. It was a good one to recycle.
Carol, You did an excellent job with this story. No wonder you are winner. Congratulations. This had an excellent plot and your writing held my attention from beginning to end.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2009
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Beth
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am pleased that you enjoyed the story. Thanks again. Carol
Comment from Realist101
Very sad, well writen, and a crime that is probably more common than most of us like to think...I think this story is excellent. It could have been just a bit longer, but works well as is.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Very sad, well writen, and a crime that is probably more common than most of us like to think...I think this story is excellent. It could have been just a bit longer, but works well as is.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Realist
I am so glad that you enjoyed the story. It was a fun write, but it's so much better when others think so too. Thanks for the kind review. CArol
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Hi Carol! You are welcome, please keep up the good work, I am going to try a story soon, but don't know if I have what it takes to compete with all of you excellent writers...:)...Realist
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Write from your heart and you'll do just fine. Good luck Carol
Comment from second thought
its written like a movie. Wish I could find places to suggest improvement but i was so caught up in the story that I could only continue to read. Well,guess that is the purpose.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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its written like a movie. Wish I could find places to suggest improvement but i was so caught up in the story that I could only continue to read. Well,guess that is the purpose.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Second thought
I am glad that the story captured you and held you there from start to finish. That 's what every writer aims for and I am pleased you enjoyed it. Thanks for the kind review. CArol
Comment from Mischief's Momma
What a great opening line you chose to work from!
You could have gone in so many directions. I suspected Taylor of being the rapist, but was not sure until the very end.
A great use of the 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' plot intertwined with that opening line. I love the way you twisted it to your own line too. You have followed all the competition rules - all the best in the contest.
A great read Carol :)
Sharon
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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What a great opening line you chose to work from!
You could have gone in so many directions. I suspected Taylor of being the rapist, but was not sure until the very end.
A great use of the 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' plot intertwined with that opening line. I love the way you twisted it to your own line too. You have followed all the competition rules - all the best in the contest.
A great read Carol :)
Sharon
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Sharon
Thanks for the ego boost..You made me feel all warm and fuzzy. It's cold outside tonight so that's a good thing, a real good thing. Appreciate you kind words. I am really pleased that you enjoyed it. Carol
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Carol ....
This is a well-written story with a surprise ending and I enjoyed reading it. There are just a few small changes to suggest ....
* You have - Taylor eagerly had picked up the gauntlet ...
this would read better as - Taylor had eagerly picked up the gauntlet ...
* Where you have - mom's and dad's - I suggest -
Mom's and Dad's - because those are the NAMES by which
the parents were known and referred to.
* You have - he'd hid his cold-blooded heart ... this should be - he'd hidden his cold-blooded heart ...
Thank you for sharing this with us and, as it is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
With love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Hullo Carol ....
This is a well-written story with a surprise ending and I enjoyed reading it. There are just a few small changes to suggest ....
* You have - Taylor eagerly had picked up the gauntlet ...
this would read better as - Taylor had eagerly picked up the gauntlet ...
* Where you have - mom's and dad's - I suggest -
Mom's and Dad's - because those are the NAMES by which
the parents were known and referred to.
* You have - he'd hid his cold-blooded heart ... this should be - he'd hidden his cold-blooded heart ...
Thank you for sharing this with us and, as it is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
With love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Nanette
Thanks for the kind review and the notices of spags. had eagerly picked is a split infinitive so I moved the eager to Eagerly, Taylor had picked (That should work for both of us!) I fixed the other suggestions and thank you.
Take care Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Fantastic post. When you discussed Jenny's rape I figured out she killed her brother. I loved the story. You did a wonderful with the emotion and the dialogue. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Fantastic post. When you discussed Jenny's rape I figured out she killed her brother. I loved the story. You did a wonderful with the emotion and the dialogue. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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Barbara
As always. I sincerely appreciate your comments regarding my writing so I thank you very much. Carol
Comment from fictionwriter
I really enjoyed this one. The ending was a definate surprise. A great opening line too. Nicely done in every way, no improvements could make it better.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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I really enjoyed this one. The ending was a definate surprise. A great opening line too. Nicely done in every way, no improvements could make it better.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2009
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fictionwriter
Thanks so much for the kind comments. I am glad you enjoyed it. Carol