The Chinese Water Torture
100 word dash36 total reviews
Comment from Mariea
Perhaps breaking up into paragraphs would make it read smoother. I thought I was reading a kidnap scenario until the last line.
Good luck in the comp
Regards Mia
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
Perhaps breaking up into paragraphs would make it read smoother. I thought I was reading a kidnap scenario until the last line.
Good luck in the comp
Regards Mia
Comment Written 14-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
Comment from OldVet
This has a nice twist to it but would read better with some paragraph structure change. More use of active voice would strengthen the story.
Suggestions:
{Drip, Drip, Drip.}in Italics [Written sounds should be in italics]
Cecilia's mind screamed for quiet. She was tied to an old wooden chair in an abandoned warehouse.
["]Why me?["] [Dialogue in ", use ' for quotes within a quote.]
Two men in a van had snatched her off the street while she was walking her dog. When she thought of Pepe[,] she started to cry. She could not block out the incessant dripping. More tears of frustration and fear spilled from her eyes. It was cold and she started to shiver. Struggling against the restraints she wanted to scream but the gag in her mouth prevented it.
Finally, the director call[ed], "Cut. That's a wrap."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
This has a nice twist to it but would read better with some paragraph structure change. More use of active voice would strengthen the story.
Suggestions:
{Drip, Drip, Drip.}in Italics [Written sounds should be in italics]
Cecilia's mind screamed for quiet. She was tied to an old wooden chair in an abandoned warehouse.
["]Why me?["] [Dialogue in ", use ' for quotes within a quote.]
Two men in a van had snatched her off the street while she was walking her dog. When she thought of Pepe[,] she started to cry. She could not block out the incessant dripping. More tears of frustration and fear spilled from her eyes. It was cold and she started to shiver. Struggling against the restraints she wanted to scream but the gag in her mouth prevented it.
Finally, the director call[ed], "Cut. That's a wrap."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the review.
Comment from Begin Again
Eliz
A wonderful bit of a movie script. Quite clever.
Enjoyed the read. This should be a good contender.
Good luck in the contest.
Carol
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
Eliz
A wonderful bit of a movie script. Quite clever.
Enjoyed the read. This should be a good contender.
Good luck in the contest.
Carol
Comment Written 14-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
Comment from dmjones
Good flash fiction with an excellent twist at the end. I really didn't know until I got there what would happen. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
Good flash fiction with an excellent twist at the end. I really didn't know until I got there what would happen. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
Comment from Blue Danube
Very good 100 word dash, Eliz100.
Scary to read through; painfully real. Felt I was Cecilia sitting there, abducted and tied up to the chair. Struggling to get away and gagged. Fearfully well described scene and emotions.
The conclusion to this piece was surprising and what a welcome relief.
There are happy endings (sometimes) after all.
Blue
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
Very good 100 word dash, Eliz100.
Scary to read through; painfully real. Felt I was Cecilia sitting there, abducted and tied up to the chair. Struggling to get away and gagged. Fearfully well described scene and emotions.
The conclusion to this piece was surprising and what a welcome relief.
There are happy endings (sometimes) after all.
Blue
Comment Written 14-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
Comment from c_lucas
Some times the magic of cinema is like real life. It is all an illusion. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
Some times the magic of cinema is like real life. It is all an illusion. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Razz
Really good. So well done. Only 100 words, and it says so much.
I had no reason to think that would be the end, but for some reason I did.
Good luck.
Razz
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
Really good. So well done. Only 100 words, and it says so much.
I had no reason to think that would be the end, but for some reason I did.
Good luck.
Razz
Comment Written 14-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
Comment from MaureenC
Eliz, golly, you had me going there, and in just 100 words.
Well done, a complete happening rounded out to perfection.
Good work and good luck in the contest.
Hugs and blessings
Maureen
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
Eliz, golly, you had me going there, and in just 100 words.
Well done, a complete happening rounded out to perfection.
Good work and good luck in the contest.
Hugs and blessings
Maureen
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.
Comment from MissCellanea
Good one! I was completely taken by surprise with the ending.
When she thought of Pepe(,) she started to cry.
Finally, the director call(ed), "Cut. That's a wrap."
This was a nice dash, good choice of words offered the reader the necessary info to picture the scene. I wish you well in the contest. Sue
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
Good one! I was completely taken by surprise with the ending.
When she thought of Pepe(,) she started to cry.
Finally, the director call(ed), "Cut. That's a wrap."
This was a nice dash, good choice of words offered the reader the necessary info to picture the scene. I wish you well in the contest. Sue
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the feedback and the review.
Comment from tati
I read your 100 word story with amazement. With three repetitive word /drip/ to start, you grabbed immediately my attention, and kept me in suspense for some moment. Until the director call ... Smartly written, eliz100, wish you the best of luck in the contest, tati (August 14, 2009)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
I read your 100 word story with amazement. With three repetitive word /drip/ to start, you grabbed immediately my attention, and kept me in suspense for some moment. Until the director call ... Smartly written, eliz100, wish you the best of luck in the contest, tati (August 14, 2009)
Comment Written 13-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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Thanks for the positive review.