A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 65 "Someting's Terribly Wrong"Autobiography of abuse
12 total reviews
Comment from Sheik S. Peer
Smurphgirl, your writing is brave. Honesty about such experience shows a lot of strength. Writing about such things is cathartic. I along with many others suffered similar abuse and wrote about it. Congratulations on so mnay chapters. I beleive you writing will improve with more showing and less telling. I have given a few pointers below.
If the shoe fits ..." She responded, intentionally not ending the sentense ( spelling) or typo
I was furious.
"You bitch!" I screamed. (You don't need to explain to the reader that you are furious... you show us with your next sentence)
Everything finally began to make sense. I now understood why my sisters didn't support me; they had decided my cancer was just a ruse. A way to get attention. ( again you explain to the reader when the reader can gleen our own judgements from your writing this makes the writing repetitive and slows the story)
Sometimes her answers drug up old wounds and the anger and rage inside me exploded.
suggestion: Her answers dredged up buried pain and inevitable rage ensued.
Good luck with the rest of your book and with your life.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
   |
Smurphgirl, your writing is brave. Honesty about such experience shows a lot of strength. Writing about such things is cathartic. I along with many others suffered similar abuse and wrote about it. Congratulations on so mnay chapters. I beleive you writing will improve with more showing and less telling. I have given a few pointers below.
If the shoe fits ..." She responded, intentionally not ending the sentense ( spelling) or typo
I was furious.
"You bitch!" I screamed. (You don't need to explain to the reader that you are furious... you show us with your next sentence)
Everything finally began to make sense. I now understood why my sisters didn't support me; they had decided my cancer was just a ruse. A way to get attention. ( again you explain to the reader when the reader can gleen our own judgements from your writing this makes the writing repetitive and slows the story)
Sometimes her answers drug up old wounds and the anger and rage inside me exploded.
suggestion: Her answers dredged up buried pain and inevitable rage ensued.
Good luck with the rest of your book and with your life.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your kind and welcome suggestions. I can use all the help I can get. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from jojosug
God, what a crazy family. I used to think I was the only sane one. Have you ever read R. D. Laing knots, it perfectly describes our families. This is yet another great chapter, I can't wait to have a copy of your book when it comes out. I know it will be a success. You are already more successful then you ever thought possible.
Jo
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
|
God, what a crazy family. I used to think I was the only sane one. Have you ever read R. D. Laing knots, it perfectly describes our families. This is yet another great chapter, I can't wait to have a copy of your book when it comes out. I know it will be a success. You are already more successful then you ever thought possible.
Jo
Comment Written 26-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your and encouraging review. "Crazy" in my family has its own special meaning...and the fact that I survived it still amazes me.
Comment from malakkanj
Wow really really great. I could feel all what your saying like it's happenin with me. all the voice and vocab and all that stuff is soooooooo great love it hope to see more greater and better next time.
love it just I like all of your writing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
|
Wow really really great. I could feel all what your saying like it's happenin with me. all the voice and vocab and all that stuff is soooooooo great love it hope to see more greater and better next time.
love it just I like all of your writing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2009
-
Thank you. Difficult time for me.