A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 62 "God Help Us, It's The Feds!"Autobiography of abuse
16 total reviews
Comment from marion
Hi there
Wow, I admire you for the worl you did, I thought I had guts but I pale in comparison. I can imgaine how one stupid cop's actions could put you into so much danger. I'd say there'd be a few of these around ... stupid cops! Glad you had Mike around you. I enjoyed. Marion.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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Hi there
Wow, I admire you for the worl you did, I thought I had guts but I pale in comparison. I can imgaine how one stupid cop's actions could put you into so much danger. I'd say there'd be a few of these around ... stupid cops! Glad you had Mike around you. I enjoyed. Marion.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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Thanks. Now when I look back I can laugh at all the stupid things Dale did...at the time I didn't find it particularly funny. Thanks for your high review and continued interest.
Comment from Nomar Chagrin
This is quickly becoming one of my favorite books on here, even though I ordinarily don't really get into "abuse and recovery" type of stuff. Very clean writing and you modulated the dialogue particularly well. That's something I'm working on in my own writing, so reading yours should be helpful for me. Don't have anything to suggest.
~ Rhein
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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This is quickly becoming one of my favorite books on here, even though I ordinarily don't really get into "abuse and recovery" type of stuff. Very clean writing and you modulated the dialogue particularly well. That's something I'm working on in my own writing, so reading yours should be helpful for me. Don't have anything to suggest.
~ Rhein
Comment Written 24-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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Thank you so very much. I added a small section that you might want to look at...rather funny. Thank you for your kind review and high rating.
Comment from butterflykiss
This is a horrible way to get killed. Hard to work for idiots, and depend on them keeping you alive. No wonder when you get to court its thrown out, or the other lawyer can get it cut out, or downplayed so much the criminals go free or just slapped on their hands.
You have more nerve than I ever would.
Butterflykiss
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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This is a horrible way to get killed. Hard to work for idiots, and depend on them keeping you alive. No wonder when you get to court its thrown out, or the other lawyer can get it cut out, or downplayed so much the criminals go free or just slapped on their hands.
You have more nerve than I ever would.
Butterflykiss
Comment Written 24-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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Yes, working for Dale was stressful and often dangerous. But it all worked out in the end, thank god.
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You're very welcome. I'm so glad that it did.
Butterflykiss
Comment from LauraKatherine
I'm jumping in at chapter 62, so please forgive me if I miss something obvious because I haven't read the first 61 chapters.
I was able to pick up on who the main characters are. Obviously, Valerie is trying to bust a sex trafficking ring/racketeering case. Dale is the instantly dislikeable idiot who's a special agent.
Interesting plot. I got a little confused as to exactly how Valerie is meeting with Sue and Mary, ie, the setting, etc. (But that's probably been told in a previous chapter, so I'll just accept that she's somehow gotten their trust.)
Quite a few spags:
to the Feds who were more (I believe that you need a comma after "Feds")
mid sentence (hypenated)
and,most (need space)
tape they told (need comma after "tape")
from me I couldn't (probably need a comma after "me")
Damn it Sarah!(need comma before "Sarah")
I found more comma errors, but I think that this gives you a good idea of what parts to look at as you edit. For example, look at all opening clauses to see if they need commas. (Especially phrases that open with "when", "if", "with", etc.) Check to make sure that when a character directly addresses another character that the name is set off my commas. When you join two independent clauses with a conjunction, you will need a comma.
The spag is the reason for the four stars. It's otherwise a good chapter, but it needs some cleaning up with the punctuation. I found this chapter and the characters interesting. Good luck with the book. It sounds like it should be unusual and interesting! Laura
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reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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I'm jumping in at chapter 62, so please forgive me if I miss something obvious because I haven't read the first 61 chapters.
I was able to pick up on who the main characters are. Obviously, Valerie is trying to bust a sex trafficking ring/racketeering case. Dale is the instantly dislikeable idiot who's a special agent.
Interesting plot. I got a little confused as to exactly how Valerie is meeting with Sue and Mary, ie, the setting, etc. (But that's probably been told in a previous chapter, so I'll just accept that she's somehow gotten their trust.)
Quite a few spags:
to the Feds who were more (I believe that you need a comma after "Feds")
mid sentence (hypenated)
and,most (need space)
tape they told (need comma after "tape")
from me I couldn't (probably need a comma after "me")
Damn it Sarah!(need comma before "Sarah")
I found more comma errors, but I think that this gives you a good idea of what parts to look at as you edit. For example, look at all opening clauses to see if they need commas. (Especially phrases that open with "when", "if", "with", etc.) Check to make sure that when a character directly addresses another character that the name is set off my commas. When you join two independent clauses with a conjunction, you will need a comma.
The spag is the reason for the four stars. It's otherwise a good chapter, but it needs some cleaning up with the punctuation. I found this chapter and the characters interesting. Good luck with the book. It sounds like it should be unusual and interesting! Laura
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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Thank you for your greatly appreciate assistance. I can use all the help I can get. Thank you for taking the time to critique my work.
Comment from Cranial Thinker
Now your working with the feds,wow this is very interesting.You must be right satisfied with your life right now.All the adventure,the rush of it all must have been intoxicating for you as well.Again a job extremely well done.Cranial Thinker
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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Now your working with the feds,wow this is very interesting.You must be right satisfied with your life right now.All the adventure,the rush of it all must have been intoxicating for you as well.Again a job extremely well done.Cranial Thinker
Comment Written 24-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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Yes it was intoxicating. Looking back I spend a lot of time laughing at the crazy things I did. Thanks for the high rating.
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You are very welcomed.Cranial Thinker
Comment from Deejharrington
Very interesting but a little scary to think it's real. That we sometimes have to trust our safety and lives to poeple like that. It makes for a very good read, but could probably use more description.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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Very interesting but a little scary to think it's real. That we sometimes have to trust our safety and lives to poeple like that. It makes for a very good read, but could probably use more description.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2009
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Thank you for your kind review. I'll look over the chapter and see what I can do. Again, thank you.
