Reflections For The New Day
Viewing comments for Chapter 54 "Bygones"20 total reviews
Comment from Spiraleye
fuck, i wish i had 7 stars!!! this is absolutely fan fuckin' tastic!!! It gives me shivers when i read it. Find the memory that created this piece and stick to it. Big hug Ron
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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fuck, i wish i had 7 stars!!! this is absolutely fan fuckin' tastic!!! It gives me shivers when i read it. Find the memory that created this piece and stick to it. Big hug Ron
Comment Written 21-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Well, uh thanks for the f-n review! LOL
Comment from Bill R
I really could not pick up the story of this work. I found it difficult to get any sense of your story line. Were you saying that it was all a fantasy or the thing you see in your nightmares actually happened. You had all the ingredients but to me it all went astray. But with a few adjustments the reader could be enlightened as to what was fact or indeed fiction. Well written. Bill R
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reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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I really could not pick up the story of this work. I found it difficult to get any sense of your story line. Were you saying that it was all a fantasy or the thing you see in your nightmares actually happened. You had all the ingredients but to me it all went astray. But with a few adjustments the reader could be enlightened as to what was fact or indeed fiction. Well written. Bill R
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Someone who hasn't blocked out years of thier life, wouldn't totally understand the issue, especially when this vague. I will take a look at it and see what I can do to make it more clear to the reader.
Comment from steevie
Obviously you had a troubled past of some type, whether it be self induced or was thrust upon you.
in any case, I nderstand completely the words that you share with us
yes, there are many pains in my past that I wish to dismiss but as hard as I try, they are there waiting for me whever something should trigger those memory buttons.
your thoughts are concise and to the point
the power in words was quite vivid
well done, Jewel.
You have the same name as a singer that I lkie very much. her music as well, is related to a hrash past
take care
steve
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Obviously you had a troubled past of some type, whether it be self induced or was thrust upon you.
in any case, I nderstand completely the words that you share with us
yes, there are many pains in my past that I wish to dismiss but as hard as I try, they are there waiting for me whever something should trigger those memory buttons.
your thoughts are concise and to the point
the power in words was quite vivid
well done, Jewel.
You have the same name as a singer that I lkie very much. her music as well, is related to a hrash past
take care
steve
Comment Written 21-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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I really like the singer, Jewel as well. She is a favorite of mine and she also writes great poetry and lyrics.
Comment from Diny
Walk on dear one- for when we realize all things work for the good we realize even those dark times may serve a purpose if even only to make us more grateful to be out of them... I could read so much into this if i wanted to- it speaks to meon many levels- Write on hugs-Di
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Walk on dear one- for when we realize all things work for the good we realize even those dark times may serve a purpose if even only to make us more grateful to be out of them... I could read so much into this if i wanted to- it speaks to meon many levels- Write on hugs-Di
Comment Written 21-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Thank you so much Diny!
Comment from WildWithWords
Hi Jewell.
This is really excellent stuff, and the choice of artwork and matching coloured text/background was inspired thinking. The picture oozes the refreshing freedom your Author's Note speaks of and the colour match looks extraordinary. Before I even read the first line the overall "picture" was dazzling.
It must be very hard to dig deep within yourself like that and tear our that which pains you for the world to witness. Thankfully I was never witness or victim to this kind of sadness within my family or life. I feel for you, though your self-proclaimed recovery is awesome and gratifying, Jewell.
This line "I hesitated to reveal it" reveals the common theme of so many such happenings. In fact I just reviewed mere moments ago another poem of abuse where the poet used the repetition of the line "Silent child" over and again, echoing this line of yours. Well silence no more, Jewell.
I want to offer up just the one small change to your poem for your perusal....
"Once surfaced from painful depths
I beheld the pain with newly opened eyes"
For the most part poets try to avoid multiple uses of the same word close together ( unless it's for a specific effect ). Pain and painful in close proximity could possibly be improved upon. My suggestion would be....
"Once surfaced from HIDDEN depths
I beheld the pain with newly opened eyes"
OR....
"Once surfaced from TORMENTED depths
I beheld the pain with newly opened eyes"
Give it some thought. Really enjoyed your poem as a complete package, and so glad you have now "taken control".
Bill.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Hi Jewell.
This is really excellent stuff, and the choice of artwork and matching coloured text/background was inspired thinking. The picture oozes the refreshing freedom your Author's Note speaks of and the colour match looks extraordinary. Before I even read the first line the overall "picture" was dazzling.
It must be very hard to dig deep within yourself like that and tear our that which pains you for the world to witness. Thankfully I was never witness or victim to this kind of sadness within my family or life. I feel for you, though your self-proclaimed recovery is awesome and gratifying, Jewell.
This line "I hesitated to reveal it" reveals the common theme of so many such happenings. In fact I just reviewed mere moments ago another poem of abuse where the poet used the repetition of the line "Silent child" over and again, echoing this line of yours. Well silence no more, Jewell.
I want to offer up just the one small change to your poem for your perusal....
"Once surfaced from painful depths
I beheld the pain with newly opened eyes"
For the most part poets try to avoid multiple uses of the same word close together ( unless it's for a specific effect ). Pain and painful in close proximity could possibly be improved upon. My suggestion would be....
"Once surfaced from HIDDEN depths
I beheld the pain with newly opened eyes"
OR....
"Once surfaced from TORMENTED depths
I beheld the pain with newly opened eyes"
Give it some thought. Really enjoyed your poem as a complete package, and so glad you have now "taken control".
Bill.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Thank you Bill. I appreciate your suggestions and will definately consider them!
Comment from mmichelle97219
When we accept the past no matter how hurtful, and embrace what and who were were then we can love and accept who and what we are now, and move beyond the pain. I think this is another well done post.
Michelle
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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When we accept the past no matter how hurtful, and embrace what and who were were then we can love and accept who and what we are now, and move beyond the pain. I think this is another well done post.
Michelle
Comment Written 21-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Thanks Michelle.
Comment from venusanblue
A lovely poem. Once we feel that its all out, there's nothing to hide, and it certainly was not our faults, we can start to breath again. Find life , be us.
HUgs, V,xxx
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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A lovely poem. Once we feel that its all out, there's nothing to hide, and it certainly was not our faults, we can start to breath again. Find life , be us.
HUgs, V,xxx
Comment Written 21-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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You got it, venusanblue
Comment from Aussie
Expressing yourself to anonymous readers is a great way of unloading the pain and trauma and releasing the past. Vengeance is a dish best served cold. I understand your poem, I would like to read the 'new' you in your rehabilitative state. If you have a mind to write how well you are now. I have been there.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Expressing yourself to anonymous readers is a great way of unloading the pain and trauma and releasing the past. Vengeance is a dish best served cold. I understand your poem, I would like to read the 'new' you in your rehabilitative state. If you have a mind to write how well you are now. I have been there.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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My portfolio is full of the present joy I contain. take a look see. ;) Thanks for the fab review and comments.
Comment from Kingsland
I am not used to reading something this negative from your pen
but I loved the imagery you used in this poem
you might think about writing a blood and guts piece...hehehehe
this was my pleasure to have read and reviewed it... John
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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I am not used to reading something this negative from your pen
but I loved the imagery you used in this poem
you might think about writing a blood and guts piece...hehehehe
this was my pleasure to have read and reviewed it... John
Comment Written 21-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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blood and gutts, eh? lol life is hard, God is good.
Comment from Silent1toyou
Once surfaced from painful depths
I beheld the pain with newly opened eyes
Years ago the burial kept it down
A bitter stench reminded me it was dead
you have an awesome sense in your ability to create words
i love this and thank you for sharing
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Once surfaced from painful depths
I beheld the pain with newly opened eyes
Years ago the burial kept it down
A bitter stench reminded me it was dead
you have an awesome sense in your ability to create words
i love this and thank you for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2008
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Thanks Silent 1