Dark Shadows
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Coldest Summer"A collection of short stories and flash fiction
39 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
The one tiny little comma error can not take away from this exceptional story. I sort of thought about Stephan Kings' story, The Body, or if you saw the movie, Actually I can't remember the name of the movie at the moment. Anyway, it was that good. The whole scene, the different personalities of the kids. The way they talked to eachother. It made it seem very real. I had to look back and see if this was fiction. Great job. Oh, the one nit...
Dave beat us by a large margin(,) and(-,) shouting angrily, rushed onto the porch only to be intercepted by two large cops.
Good luck in the contest. I think you will win.
hugs
book
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2007
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The one tiny little comma error can not take away from this exceptional story. I sort of thought about Stephan Kings' story, The Body, or if you saw the movie, Actually I can't remember the name of the movie at the moment. Anyway, it was that good. The whole scene, the different personalities of the kids. The way they talked to eachother. It made it seem very real. I had to look back and see if this was fiction. Great job. Oh, the one nit...
Dave beat us by a large margin(,) and(-,) shouting angrily, rushed onto the porch only to be intercepted by two large cops.
Good luck in the contest. I think you will win.
hugs
book
Comment Written 27-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2007
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FIXED...LOL
Great eye! I'm glad you found it to be that good. It is an honor to have any of my stories likened to one of Stephen King's :-D
Thank you so very much for this awsome review!
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Your welcome. It is well deserved. I'm stingy with sixes. Is all your writing this good? I haven't seen you around. At least I haven't encountered your writing before. Great job.
hugs
book
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I'd like to think they are... LOL A lot of them have exceptional ratings :-)
I have actually been a member here since 2005... though it is only recently that I have had a masive out pouring of creative thoughts. I usually submited maybe a story a week, sometimes a month... now I seem to be submiting 3 or 4 a week!
Thanks again... I do so appreciate the exceptional rating. You brought a smile to my morning! I can think of no better way to start the day :-D
Comment from Aster 5
Nice start and gradual build up in the chapter. Dave is shown to be a man's man.
The turn of events in his life is dramatic--with the murder of his mother.
Interesting chapter, holds the interest.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2007
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Nice start and gradual build up in the chapter. Dave is shown to be a man's man.
The turn of events in his life is dramatic--with the murder of his mother.
Interesting chapter, holds the interest.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2007
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Why, thank you very much. I am glad I was able to capture your interest and hold you till the end!
I thank you for taking the time to read and review my story :-D
Comment from DawningOne
This was a really good story. It had great momentum, moving us along with the unfolding of facts. The boys all had realistic, normal sounding attributes for their age. A very good write. Thanks for sharing it with us.
God bless you.
Much love,
Dawn
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2007
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This was a really good story. It had great momentum, moving us along with the unfolding of facts. The boys all had realistic, normal sounding attributes for their age. A very good write. Thanks for sharing it with us.
God bless you.
Much love,
Dawn
Comment Written 27-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2007
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Thank you, Dawn, for such a wonderful review!
Comment from mshugh
Geat character development, good descriptions and dialogue, and smoothe flowing plot. I especially the last two paragraphs - for some reason - and I don't know why - they seem to be the best written - but that's just an opinion
No SPAGS or typos
Michael
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Geat character development, good descriptions and dialogue, and smoothe flowing plot. I especially the last two paragraphs - for some reason - and I don't know why - they seem to be the best written - but that's just an opinion
No SPAGS or typos
Michael
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Thank you very much for such an awsome review! Coming from you, it has been an honor!
Comment from cindy g
Wow... Stand By Me... look out. Your descriptions are vivid and your dialogue is smooth. Although some of the tags took away from the flow. Adverbs... sometimes they just have to be used. This is wonderful story of the coming of age between friends... Thanks for the fantastic read!!!
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Wow... Stand By Me... look out. Your descriptions are vivid and your dialogue is smooth. Although some of the tags took away from the flow. Adverbs... sometimes they just have to be used. This is wonderful story of the coming of age between friends... Thanks for the fantastic read!!!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Thank YOU for such a wonderful review! I doubt I could actually give Stand By Me a real run... but I'd be willing to try LOL
Comment from Carms
Good story and I really like the ending. The last sentence summarizes the experieince perfectly. Good flow to this piece as well.
Good job.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Good story and I really like the ending. The last sentence summarizes the experieince perfectly. Good flow to this piece as well.
Good job.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Thank you very much! I'm glad that you enjoyed it! I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story :-D
Comment from IamSpook
Hello Ricouard
You've done an excellent job of showing how an incident can bond boys together in a way they never expected. You also revealed how these things become a part of a person personality for the years to come. Excellent work.
Observation: 'I' didn't seem to fit below.
back nature. And I? I had needed
back nature. And (Me)? I had needed
Best Regards,
Mark
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Hello Ricouard
You've done an excellent job of showing how an incident can bond boys together in a way they never expected. You also revealed how these things become a part of a person personality for the years to come. Excellent work.
Observation: 'I' didn't seem to fit below.
back nature. And I? I had needed
back nature. And (Me)? I had needed
Best Regards,
Mark
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Ahhh... changed. Thanks for such a wonderful review!
G.D.Ricouard
Comment from drivenbackward
Liked that last line a lot. Good writing. My only concern is the everyday predicaments and events. Maybe you could add something to make it completely different from other stories like this. That said, it was still very well written. Here are some notes:
Hot-head, --- Hot-headed?
I can't stand her, --- couldn't
He was short and boney, --- One example of passive voice in this chapter. Consider showing instead.
Gary frowned as he stumbled, --- Period
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Liked that last line a lot. Good writing. My only concern is the everyday predicaments and events. Maybe you could add something to make it completely different from other stories like this. That said, it was still very well written. Here are some notes:
Hot-head, --- Hot-headed?
I can't stand her, --- couldn't
He was short and boney, --- One example of passive voice in this chapter. Consider showing instead.
Gary frowned as he stumbled, --- Period
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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FIXED :-)
Thank you for such a thorough review! I appreciate your time and effort.
Comment from thenext-poe-t
During that summer I learned the true meaning of death and the innocence it strips away. That summer, though hot as hell, was the coldest one I've ever experienced.
That was a phenominal ending to a magnificent, well wriiten story! I could see it in a movie!
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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During that summer I learned the true meaning of death and the innocence it strips away. That summer, though hot as hell, was the coldest one I've ever experienced.
That was a phenominal ending to a magnificent, well wriiten story! I could see it in a movie!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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WOW! Thank you so much for an awsome rating :-) You can't see it... but I'm grinning! I appreciate you taking the time to read and review this story :-D
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YOur welcome and please lend an eye to my work as well! I would love to hear what you think!
Comment from Lokman
Excellent coming of age story here, well written, fluid for the most part, though there was one segment where it bogged down a bit--when they're all standing around---Gary frowned as he stumbled,---an down a bit.
We watched as he drove Dave away then quietly wandered home, --need a comma in here.
Lokman
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Excellent coming of age story here, well written, fluid for the most part, though there was one segment where it bogged down a bit--when they're all standing around---Gary frowned as he stumbled,---an down a bit.
We watched as he drove Dave away then quietly wandered home, --need a comma in here.
Lokman
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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I already have a comma there :-/
Thanks for taking the time to read and review my story. Your comments are always welcome!
We watched as he drove Dave away(,) then quietly wandered home,
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Ahhhhh... thank you! Got it inserted :-)
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My pleasure!!