Detour
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "End of the Road "Two very real women in not so real situation.
20 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It is so sweet of Rachelle to stick up for you like this and Jane deserves to weep. Your kindness towards her has been ignored and an outsider can see who the bigger person is here Gretchen and Jane is last in the pecking order. I loved your metaphors and your delivery is always skilful and talented when you write. I have enjoyed this project as the two of you have delighted us with your skilled posts, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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It is so sweet of Rachelle to stick up for you like this and Jane deserves to weep. Your kindness towards her has been ignored and an outsider can see who the bigger person is here Gretchen and Jane is last in the pecking order. I loved your metaphors and your delivery is always skilful and talented when you write. I have enjoyed this project as the two of you have delighted us with your skilled posts, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Dolly. I'm sure I'll "see" you there. I'm glad you are enjoying this. Gretchen
Comment from Wendy G
Another fun chapter, Gretchen, and well written. I was thinking you were TOO nice, when you convinced Rachelle not to abandon Jane - but perhaps you are as tough as Miranda! lol. Steel on the inside when need be.
I have so enjoyed this journey with your parallel view points.
Wendy
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Another fun chapter, Gretchen, and well written. I was thinking you were TOO nice, when you convinced Rachelle not to abandon Jane - but perhaps you are as tough as Miranda! lol. Steel on the inside when need be.
I have so enjoyed this journey with your parallel view points.
Wendy
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much, Wendy. I have a vicious little tongue. I'm sure I'll "see" you at the convention. Gretchen
Comment from Esther Brown
Giggling. Loved your just because I am not confrontational doesn't mean I am gullible. This whole story has been a delightful romp. Not a thing would I change about the story but still have a deep feeling you tell two stories....truth behind fiction. I guess that is true of all of us. Esther
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Giggling. Loved your just because I am not confrontational doesn't mean I am gullible. This whole story has been a delightful romp. Not a thing would I change about the story but still have a deep feeling you tell two stories....truth behind fiction. I guess that is true of all of us. Esther
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Lol. I'm so glad you enjoyed this. Some truth, some fiction. Gretchen
Comment from DonandVicki
I got caught up in your humorus flash fiction and got a good laugh out of the "antique rack". A good short flash story that could be fleshed out to a novella.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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I got caught up in your humorus flash fiction and got a good laugh out of the "antique rack". A good short flash story that could be fleshed out to a novella.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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It is a novel. Thank you for checking in. Gretchen
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I enjoyed your story. Next time think about using me. We could solve a mystery. Or, hunt down scalliwags and punish them. Of course, I may be too bloody for you. I have a short flash fiction brewing in my frantic head. Guys will not like it. :-)
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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I enjoyed your story. Next time think about using me. We could solve a mystery. Or, hunt down scalliwags and punish them. Of course, I may be too bloody for you. I have a short flash fiction brewing in my frantic head. Guys will not like it. :-)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Thanks, Karen. I don't usually co-author so this was out of the ordinary for me. Gretchen
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:-)
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I'm with your character, Gretchen - I feel sorry for Jane. She has no one, no friends at all. And no confidence, which is even worse.
"spitting the word sorry out like it was a piece of gristle from her steak" - great line!
"just look once more a tinted divider" - do you want "just look once more at a tinted divider"?
"She did what she had to stay in the car" - change to "She did what she had to do to stay in the car"
I've never been to Atlantic City, and honestly thought it was dead. No desire to go there, but I know I will enjoy your narrative.
I love your author's notes; Mafia movies is a great source for information on Atlantic City, lol!
Much enjoyed, Gretchen. See you next week.
xoxo
Pam
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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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I'm with your character, Gretchen - I feel sorry for Jane. She has no one, no friends at all. And no confidence, which is even worse.
"spitting the word sorry out like it was a piece of gristle from her steak" - great line!
"just look once more a tinted divider" - do you want "just look once more at a tinted divider"?
"She did what she had to stay in the car" - change to "She did what she had to do to stay in the car"
I've never been to Atlantic City, and honestly thought it was dead. No desire to go there, but I know I will enjoy your narrative.
I love your author's notes; Mafia movies is a great source for information on Atlantic City, lol!
Much enjoyed, Gretchen. See you next week.
xoxo
Pam
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Pam. Your feedback was excellent. Thank you for the edits as well. Very much appreciated. Gretchen
Comment from royowen
I love the last comment, I'm sorry Jane, he's talking to me. Heh heh. Yep getting even is your thing, I remember my mother would never let me get the last word in, it's good seeing a collection of women not really getting on, with Jane the one being the 'fly in the ointment', beautifully written, blessings Roy
Typo : a young man, (in dreads)
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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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I love the last comment, I'm sorry Jane, he's talking to me. Heh heh. Yep getting even is your thing, I remember my mother would never let me get the last word in, it's good seeing a collection of women not really getting on, with Jane the one being the 'fly in the ointment', beautifully written, blessings Roy
Typo : a young man, (in dreads)
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Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Roy. I'm glad you enjoyed this. Sometimes its better to not get the last word in. Silence can sometimes be deafening. Gretchen
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Hahaha. You saved the best for last: antique rack!! Hahaha. And the you one...er, TWO?... upped her with yours! You got right into the trashy NJ lifestyle!!
Very good chapter with lots of sensory descriptions that take us right into the scene with you.
Can't wait to see where this takes us!!
Xoxoxo
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Hahaha. You saved the best for last: antique rack!! Hahaha. And the you one...er, TWO?... upped her with yours! You got right into the trashy NJ lifestyle!!
Very good chapter with lots of sensory descriptions that take us right into the scene with you.
Can't wait to see where this takes us!!
Xoxoxo
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much, Rachelle. I am dreading this story ending, but after a few weeks, you are hitting the road to join me during hurricane season. I'm glad you approved of my take on this chapter. Gretchen
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I love everything you write. You know this. Xoxi
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Gretchen!
Geesh!
You and Rachelle have certainly given me many moments of hilarity today!
What a twosome you are!
Scary as well!
I have so enjoyed how you both look at the same situation but from your own individual perspectives!
Humor abounds - although decidedly individual and unique from both of your pens!
Just one little edit needed, maybe. Below, I've copied and pasted two sentences. The second one doesn't sound right to me... Just a thought:
She cuts her eyes at me. "I can put you back there as well," she snaps.
I don't press it, just look once more a tinted divider wondering how I'd be feeling back there.
Thank you for sharing!
fondly,
diane
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Hello, Gretchen!
Geesh!
You and Rachelle have certainly given me many moments of hilarity today!
What a twosome you are!
Scary as well!
I have so enjoyed how you both look at the same situation but from your own individual perspectives!
Humor abounds - although decidedly individual and unique from both of your pens!
Just one little edit needed, maybe. Below, I've copied and pasted two sentences. The second one doesn't sound right to me... Just a thought:
She cuts her eyes at me. "I can put you back there as well," she snaps.
I don't press it, just look once more a tinted divider wondering how I'd be feeling back there.
Thank you for sharing!
fondly,
diane
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Diane. I will revisit that sentence. It is a tad awkward. I'm so glad you are enjoying this. I am having a blast, and hate to see it end. But, we are getting close. Thank you so much for this fine review and the exceptional rating. Gretchen
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I got the boobs reference. I'm just surprised Rachelle didn't lock you in the backseat for calling them 'antique'!
She cuts her eyes at me. "I can put you back there as well," she snaps. - One of the best lines of the entire story! She said it, but YOU wrote it!
Great teamwork.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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I got the boobs reference. I'm just surprised Rachelle didn't lock you in the backseat for calling them 'antique'!
She cuts her eyes at me. "I can put you back there as well," she snaps. - One of the best lines of the entire story! She said it, but YOU wrote it!
Great teamwork.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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I was talking to Jane about the antique rack. Lol. My mouth has this little razor that comes out when it wants to. Thank you so much for this awesome review and the exceptional rating. Gretchen