Our Book
Sonnet on Theme of Betrayal14 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good artwork and nice presentation, Steve.
-Your notes are appreciated.
-You wrote a very good sonnet.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-A very good opening verse,
followed by excellent description
of these heroes and how they
did so much to establish this
"rugged countryside."
-I like the inclusion of "huddled masses"
and the alliteration with "toil and tears."
-An excellent volta and I agree with your assessment in it.
-A very good closing couplet, and let's hope the
page gets turned to a new beginning.
-Very well done, and thanks for caring about America.
-Good luck in the contest.
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-Good artwork and nice presentation, Steve.
-Your notes are appreciated.
-You wrote a very good sonnet.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-A very good opening verse,
followed by excellent description
of these heroes and how they
did so much to establish this
"rugged countryside."
-I like the inclusion of "huddled masses"
and the alliteration with "toil and tears."
-An excellent volta and I agree with your assessment in it.
-A very good closing couplet, and let's hope the
page gets turned to a new beginning.
-Very well done, and thanks for caring about America.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2024
Comment from Begin Again
A good attempt to show the nation's history from start to present day. It shows that we as a nation have always struggled, but in the beginning, it was to make the country a better place. Your turn to present day, with out using names, points to what might be America's downfall. I pray the next chapter is better for all of us.
Smiles, Carol
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A good attempt to show the nation's history from start to present day. It shows that we as a nation have always struggled, but in the beginning, it was to make the country a better place. Your turn to present day, with out using names, points to what might be America's downfall. I pray the next chapter is better for all of us.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 01-Oct-2024
Comment from Jacob1395
This is quite an intense piece and also it reminds us which people we should put out trust in, particularly when we are electing governments. A well written, insightful piece, I enjoyed reading it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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This is quite an intense piece and also it reminds us which people we should put out trust in, particularly when we are electing governments. A well written, insightful piece, I enjoyed reading it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2024
Comment from Ang Tang
"Our Book" presents a poignant reflection on the complex history of a nation, weaving themes of courage, struggle, and betrayal into its verses. The poem opens with a nostalgic tone, drawing readers into a narrative of pioneers who shaped the land with selflessness and bravery. This sense of historical pride resonates well, invoking imagery of those who built the nation against great odds.
However, the poem takes a darker turn as it confronts contemporary issues of leadership and societal division. The shift from celebration to condemnation is powerful, yet it sometimes feels abrupt. The mention of "huddled masses" adds depth to the narrative, but the transition to modern-day disillusionment lacks the same finesse, leaving readers yearning for more elaboration on how we arrived at this point.
While the closing lines effectively encapsulate the urgency of moving forward, they could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the emotions involved. The strong imagery and rhythmic quality of the poem shine, but the piece ultimately feels like it scratches the surface of a much deeper story, hinting at unresolved conflicts and complexities in our shared history.
Overall, "Our Book" is an ambitious attempt to grapple with national identity, but it leaves readers wanting a richer narrative that fully captures the weight of its themes.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2024
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"Our Book" presents a poignant reflection on the complex history of a nation, weaving themes of courage, struggle, and betrayal into its verses. The poem opens with a nostalgic tone, drawing readers into a narrative of pioneers who shaped the land with selflessness and bravery. This sense of historical pride resonates well, invoking imagery of those who built the nation against great odds.
However, the poem takes a darker turn as it confronts contemporary issues of leadership and societal division. The shift from celebration to condemnation is powerful, yet it sometimes feels abrupt. The mention of "huddled masses" adds depth to the narrative, but the transition to modern-day disillusionment lacks the same finesse, leaving readers yearning for more elaboration on how we arrived at this point.
While the closing lines effectively encapsulate the urgency of moving forward, they could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the emotions involved. The strong imagery and rhythmic quality of the poem shine, but the piece ultimately feels like it scratches the surface of a much deeper story, hinting at unresolved conflicts and complexities in our shared history.
Overall, "Our Book" is an ambitious attempt to grapple with national identity, but it leaves readers wanting a richer narrative that fully captures the weight of its themes.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your in-depth review and analysis of my sonnet. You obvious read and considered my poem with careful attention and that is appreciated. I accept that trying to cram ALL of American history into a sonnet was probably over ambitious, but perhaps you are astute enough to realise that my intention was indeed to focus on the most recent events and the upcoming American election.
I see you are brand new to the site, so welcome. I hope you like it here. I'm not complaining, but I must tell you that if the 2-star review you have given me here is your standard, you will not make many FanStory friends. It is almost unheard of to give such a low rating and you will certainly receive some angry responses if you continue to do this.
In any case, I wish you well with your own writing and hope you enjoy the possibilities the site offers.
Steve
PS my wife suggests your review could be AI-generated. Could that be true?