Obsessed with the Moon
A man is obsessed with the moon29 total reviews
Comment from Sue Smith
This is a lovely poem and the images in the first verse are particularly strong. The rhymes work well and never feel forced - the whole poem flows beautifully. The only thing that made me hesitate is some of the punctuation. I see punctuation as a guide to how the writer wants me to read the poem, and I wasn't sure about the comma after 'and' on the last line of the 1st and 6th verses. Also the last two lines of the second verse being separate sentences, to me they seemed to be part of the same sentence. Otherwise though it worked really well. I live near a sailing area and often walk home with the moonlight reflecting off the water, and you've absolutely captured that feeling
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reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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This is a lovely poem and the images in the first verse are particularly strong. The rhymes work well and never feel forced - the whole poem flows beautifully. The only thing that made me hesitate is some of the punctuation. I see punctuation as a guide to how the writer wants me to read the poem, and I wasn't sure about the comma after 'and' on the last line of the 1st and 6th verses. Also the last two lines of the second verse being separate sentences, to me they seemed to be part of the same sentence. Otherwise though it worked really well. I live near a sailing area and often walk home with the moonlight reflecting off the water, and you've absolutely captured that feeling
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Thank you Sue for your detailed review. I am certainly glad that you marking me down to four stars does not count the worst and best rating are both thrown out. It is common and permissible to have a sentence span two lines in poetry. Even more at times
Comment from lyenochka
Beautifully written, Pam! Thank you for sharing and giving us an update on your recovery from the back surgery. I especially liked:
"The city night's electric flow,
suppresses stars that want to glow.
As moon reflects on quiet swells,
she puts lost sailors under spells. "
Sailors always depend on the celestial bodies to get their bearings while on the sea.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Beautifully written, Pam! Thank you for sharing and giving us an update on your recovery from the back surgery. I especially liked:
"The city night's electric flow,
suppresses stars that want to glow.
As moon reflects on quiet swells,
she puts lost sailors under spells. "
Sailors always depend on the celestial bodies to get their bearings while on the sea.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Thank you Helen for your wonderful detailed review
Comment from jake cosmos aller
Good luck on your recovery. I had 16 operations to repair my right heel I shattered in a freak jogging accident after I developed MDR staph infection that almost killed me and almost led to my leg being amputated. I later had two operations to correct hammer toes that developed as my gait and walking never fully recovered leading to a slight limp when I walk more than five miles.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Good luck on your recovery. I had 16 operations to repair my right heel I shattered in a freak jogging accident after I developed MDR staph infection that almost killed me and almost led to my leg being amputated. I later had two operations to correct hammer toes that developed as my gait and walking never fully recovered leading to a slight limp when I walk more than five miles.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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I'm sorry to hear about your heel Jake. I have had four operations on my heel and many elsewhere in my body
Thank you for this great review
Comment from Nicki.B
Firstly Pam I'm very sorry to hear of your health troubles, I truly hope that you make a speedy recovery!
This is a gorgeous poem abou the moon. You really jave a wonderful way with words. My favourite line is, 'when dusks grey fingers.....they'll tuck the sunset into bed. Beautiful.
May I ask why you have commas after 'and' in stanza 1 and 6.
I don't have the best of grammar so not sure if its a typo or how it should be written.
Well done, hopefully you are up and about soon and sharing more of your very enjoyable pieces!
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Firstly Pam I'm very sorry to hear of your health troubles, I truly hope that you make a speedy recovery!
This is a gorgeous poem abou the moon. You really jave a wonderful way with words. My favourite line is, 'when dusks grey fingers.....they'll tuck the sunset into bed. Beautiful.
May I ask why you have commas after 'and' in stanza 1 and 6.
I don't have the best of grammar so not sure if its a typo or how it should be written.
Well done, hopefully you are up and about soon and sharing more of your very enjoyable pieces!
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Thank you Nicki for this detailed and wonderful review. It used to be that if both sides of a conjunction or full sentences that you should have a comma before the conjunction and after it. But, it seems that now there are two schools of thought about that, and not using the second, is more popular.
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Oh good to know thanks for that! Tkae care x
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Pam,
I hope you'll heal faster than expected. I am glad you posted this. It is a very good poem about sailor's view of the moon, dawn and the next day.+
Keep writing and get and stay in perfect health.
Have a good week.
Joan
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Hi Pam,
I hope you'll heal faster than expected. I am glad you posted this. It is a very good poem about sailor's view of the moon, dawn and the next day.+
Keep writing and get and stay in perfect health.
Have a good week.
Joan
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Thank you Joanne for a wonderful review
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No problem, Pam.
Joan
Comment from nancyjam
I'm so sorry to hear you had back surgery and your recovery is painful and slow. I will say a prayer to speed it up.
I loved this poem. The imager is lovely and rhyme and meter are well done.
Hurry back!
Nancy
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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I'm so sorry to hear you had back surgery and your recovery is painful and slow. I will say a prayer to speed it up.
I loved this poem. The imager is lovely and rhyme and meter are well done.
Hurry back!
Nancy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Thank you Nancyjam for your lovely review. I am recovering very well, but it will probably take a year.
Comment from Mark D. R.
Hopefully your recovery after surgery will resolve your back issue!
Possibly the discomfort may impinge on your ability to pen poems. I would give it a try. I know endorsing do fight pain.
This post was a nice one. Glad you had it in reserve.
Mark
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Hopefully your recovery after surgery will resolve your back issue!
Possibly the discomfort may impinge on your ability to pen poems. I would give it a try. I know endorsing do fight pain.
This post was a nice one. Glad you had it in reserve.
Mark
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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hi Mark. Thank you for this wonderful review and you're well wishes. I am home now, but while I was in the hospital, I could not write because of the angles of the phone and my right hand and the bed.
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It is endorphins (sic) that are the pain relievers!
G
Glad you are at home. May you have a good recovery.
Mark
Comment from Janet Foor
So sorry to hear about your surgery Pam but happy that you had this poem written before. It is a lovely piece with lovely imagery throughout.
Hope you up and feeling better soon.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2024
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So sorry to hear about your surgery Pam but happy that you had this poem written before. It is a lovely piece with lovely imagery throughout.
Hope you up and feeling better soon.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2024
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hi Janet. My recovery is going extremely well. I can do everything that I need to do. And some of those things I need to do them a little bit differently than I did before, but I can still do them.
For the six star rating for your lovely review
Comment from nomi338
Oh my God, if only I had access to six stars. This is undoubtedly one of the best poems I have read in awhile. Your use of language is sublime. Each stanza is a delight to read. Anyone desiring to learn how to write great poetry, should print this poem out and refer to it as often as possible. It is truly that good.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Oh my God, if only I had access to six stars. This is undoubtedly one of the best poems I have read in awhile. Your use of language is sublime. Each stanza is a delight to read. Anyone desiring to learn how to write great poetry, should print this poem out and refer to it as often as possible. It is truly that good.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Hi nomi Thank you for the virtual six stars and for your kind words and this lovely review.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very well written poem and you have presented it very well. It reads quite well when read aloud and I enjoyed it. I am sorry you had to have back surgery and that you are in pain, but I wish you a quick recovery. Patricia.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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This is a very well written poem and you have presented it very well. It reads quite well when read aloud and I enjoyed it. I am sorry you had to have back surgery and that you are in pain, but I wish you a quick recovery. Patricia.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Thank you Pat for your well wishes and for a lovely review