Anatomy of a Marriage
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Anatomy of a Marriage"A story of a couple whose marriage is in trouble.
23 total reviews
Comment from Jacob1395
I definitely get the sense that Trenton is showing a lot of red flags that should set alarm bells ringing. Marsha should listen to Latisha, I can feel that Latisha is looking out for Marsha, but Marsha seems to be throwing this back into her face. I really enjoyed reading this but just be careful with too much exposition such as with, this happened, then this happened, it doesn't make it particularly exciting for the reader. I would've liked to have seen Marsha trying to find out what her husband is up to. This would definitely help add tension and build on the emotions Marsha's experiencing. This is an exciting first chapter though and I would be keen to read more. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2024
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I definitely get the sense that Trenton is showing a lot of red flags that should set alarm bells ringing. Marsha should listen to Latisha, I can feel that Latisha is looking out for Marsha, but Marsha seems to be throwing this back into her face. I really enjoyed reading this but just be careful with too much exposition such as with, this happened, then this happened, it doesn't make it particularly exciting for the reader. I would've liked to have seen Marsha trying to find out what her husband is up to. This would definitely help add tension and build on the emotions Marsha's experiencing. This is an exciting first chapter though and I would be keen to read more. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2024
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I late thanking you for your review on the first chapter. I really appreciate you sticking with it. I enjoyed your comments.
Beth
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I am glad to see you trying your hand at writing this book Beth and I wish you luck with it. It always seems to be the woman's problem when she gets pregnant, like the man had nothing to do with it? Perhaps it is he who should have his tubes tied? This is a story of the faithful wife at home with the kids and the man at work enjoying the company of younger women and all the temptations that go with it. An interesting first chapter and I wish you luck with the contest Beth, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
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I am glad to see you trying your hand at writing this book Beth and I wish you luck with it. It always seems to be the woman's problem when she gets pregnant, like the man had nothing to do with it? Perhaps it is he who should have his tubes tied? This is a story of the faithful wife at home with the kids and the man at work enjoying the company of younger women and all the temptations that go with it. An interesting first chapter and I wish you luck with the contest Beth, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Dolly. Writing something that isn't about me or my family is challenging. I'll try to keep going.
Beth
Comment from Wendy G
Sounds like you are setting up an interesting story, with some complex relationships. I'm looking forward to it. I suggest these few edits below.
Wendy
Edit:
Putting the kid's cereal bowls (kids')
Kid's your ride is here (Kids, your ride is here)
Oh, there you are. son. (comma after "are", not a full stop)Don't forget you have (a) dental appointment later. Go on now, and have a good day. I'll pick you up after school the (??) appointment." (after the appointment?)
I've need to hurry. (I need to hurry)
It made sense and she gone (had gone) along with it
I told you it would be like this after I made partner. (was made a partner)
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2024
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Sounds like you are setting up an interesting story, with some complex relationships. I'm looking forward to it. I suggest these few edits below.
Wendy
Edit:
Putting the kid's cereal bowls (kids')
Kid's your ride is here (Kids, your ride is here)
Oh, there you are. son. (comma after "are", not a full stop)Don't forget you have (a) dental appointment later. Go on now, and have a good day. I'll pick you up after school the (??) appointment." (after the appointment?)
I've need to hurry. (I need to hurry)
It made sense and she gone (had gone) along with it
I told you it would be like this after I made partner. (was made a partner)
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Wendy. I was a month ago when I started this and you were a big help. I made the changes but didn't get back to thanking you for your review.
Beth
Comment from Brenda Strauser
I enjoyed reading your story. It was interesting and well written. It was easy to follow along. Good luck in thr contest. Great job.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
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I enjoyed reading your story. It was interesting and well written. It was easy to follow along. Good luck in thr contest. Great job.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Brenda. I appreciate you starting my book. It has four chapters now so I'm hoping to keep going.
Beth
Comment from LJbutterfly
This sounds like the beginning of an intriguing story. The title tells the reader you plan to examine the marriage of a couple of middle-class means and lifestyle. You have revealed the conflict, which is the wife's doubt about her husband's commitment to the marriage. It will be interesting to watch how their issues are exposed and resolved. Best wishes in the contest.
One more edit will pick up a few typos like letters missing from words, and small words that are inadvertently omitted.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
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This sounds like the beginning of an intriguing story. The title tells the reader you plan to examine the marriage of a couple of middle-class means and lifestyle. You have revealed the conflict, which is the wife's doubt about her husband's commitment to the marriage. It will be interesting to watch how their issues are exposed and resolved. Best wishes in the contest.
One more edit will pick up a few typos like letters missing from words, and small words that are inadvertently omitted.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
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Thank you for this one. I didn't when I started if I would continue it but so far, I have four chapters. I'll see I far I can take it.
Beth
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with this first chapter entry! I think you laid out the situation well and we are glad that Marsha is now considering the possibility of Trenton's unfaithfulness. He certainly doesn't seem very committed to the family - even asking her to have an abortion! Poor Marsha.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2024
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Great job with this first chapter entry! I think you laid out the situation well and we are glad that Marsha is now considering the possibility of Trenton's unfaithfulness. He certainly doesn't seem very committed to the family - even asking her to have an abortion! Poor Marsha.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Helen. I have to go back eight pages to answer some of the older reviews. It was a start, and I'll see if I can stick with it.
Beth
Comment from patcelaw
This is very well written for the first chapter of a book for the contest, and I wish you the very best in the contest. I also wish you the very best and writing your new book. Have a good day and God bless. Patricia.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2024
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This is very well written for the first chapter of a book for the contest, and I wish you the very best in the contest. I also wish you the very best and writing your new book. Have a good day and God bless. Patricia.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Patricia, for reviewing first chapter story.
Beth
Comment from jim vecchio
I was thinking of entering this contest, but haven't yet. Trenton is not at all like me. My wife laid down the rules, so I wouldn't have gotten away with drinking or disappearing for long periods without her knowledge. These characters are interesting enough for us to look forward to more.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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I was thinking of entering this contest, but haven't yet. Trenton is not at all like me. My wife laid down the rules, so I wouldn't have gotten away with drinking or disappearing for long periods without her knowledge. These characters are interesting enough for us to look forward to more.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Thank you Jim. I just stetching to write something like this and I"m glad my character might cause you to read another chapter of this book.
Beth
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a lengthy read, Beth, although I appreciate it has to be a minimum of 2000 words. The build-up of suspicion is done well from self-justification to allowing that seed of doubt to grow. Personally, I felt the content was being a bit over-stretched, even allowing for the background of the relationship to be explained. But the confrontation on the phone was excellently portrayed, in which his character, which had already started to be revealed with the abortion and his attitude to the children, proved itself to be every bit the chauvinist we thought. Thanks for sharing and good luck! Debbie
didn't give her the relie(f) she had hoped
sentence starting: Sheri had only been Trenton's secretary... Mar(s)ha
Something ha(s) got to change.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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This is a lengthy read, Beth, although I appreciate it has to be a minimum of 2000 words. The build-up of suspicion is done well from self-justification to allowing that seed of doubt to grow. Personally, I felt the content was being a bit over-stretched, even allowing for the background of the relationship to be explained. But the confrontation on the phone was excellently portrayed, in which his character, which had already started to be revealed with the abortion and his attitude to the children, proved itself to be every bit the chauvinist we thought. Thanks for sharing and good luck! Debbie
didn't give her the relie(f) she had hoped
sentence starting: Sheri had only been Trenton's secretary... Mar(s)ha
Something ha(s) got to change.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Debbie, I'm sure I did over-stretch it a bit and if were total fiction I would have omitted most of the background. The main fiction is the name changes.It is based extremely close to my best friend's true story. I know her background as well as my own. I couldn't seem to resist it. I see your point and I could take a bit out, but I didn't go much past the required 2000. I appreciate your comments and help with the spags.
Beth
Comment from Teri7
Beth, This is a very good first chapter you have penned for the contest. I hope you make it into a book. I want to read another chapter! You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2024
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Beth, This is a very good first chapter you have penned for the contest. I hope you make it into a book. I want to read another chapter! You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Teri. I'm glad this isn't my own marriage I'm writing about. Mine and yours were good ones.
Beth