His Song
A musical love story38 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
The continuous rhythm, meter, and flow throughout, causes the reader to experience the feeling of singing as they read. The delightful love story revealed in rhyme is heartwarming and inspiring.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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The continuous rhythm, meter, and flow throughout, causes the reader to experience the feeling of singing as they read. The delightful love story revealed in rhyme is heartwarming and inspiring.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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Thank you for your lovely comments and a great review
Comment from TPAC
Bang that thing. Bang. Bang. Bang! A super shout in this read, filling my thoughts with many concepts to experience. I found these statements, enlightening: filled with positive charms. A super effort, in my given opinion.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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Bang that thing. Bang. Bang. Bang! A super shout in this read, filling my thoughts with many concepts to experience. I found these statements, enlightening: filled with positive charms. A super effort, in my given opinion.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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Thank you, Tony for your superlative comments and a great review
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Nice rhyming couplets throughout that provide a lilting rhythm and - how perfect - a sing-songy quality to the verses. Cute story of a loving couple and how deeply they regard each other.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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Nice rhyming couplets throughout that provide a lilting rhythm and - how perfect - a sing-songy quality to the verses. Cute story of a loving couple and how deeply they regard each other.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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Yeah I think sing song comes with perfect meter. At least that's what I found. Thanks for the great review
Comment from Katiemae1977
This is a delightful take on a love poem Pam! I love the metaphor of music and how you used it throughout your poem!
As you stated that all feedback is welcome some other musical words could have been used. A thesaurus can be helpful too to stretch your vocabulary.
You must have a pretty special person in your life!
Katiemae1977
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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This is a delightful take on a love poem Pam! I love the metaphor of music and how you used it throughout your poem!
As you stated that all feedback is welcome some other musical words could have been used. A thesaurus can be helpful too to stretch your vocabulary.
You must have a pretty special person in your life!
Katiemae1977
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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Thank you for your thorough and detailed review and your suggestions.
Can you give me some examples of other things I could've put in the bowl, please?
Comment from Jacob1395
I really liked this piece and how you show how music can really affect our emotions and make us see the world in a new light. It is really amazing when you think of it like that. I enjoyed reading your piece Pam.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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I really liked this piece and how you show how music can really affect our emotions and make us see the world in a new light. It is really amazing when you think of it like that. I enjoyed reading your piece Pam.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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Thank you for your lovely and thoughtful review. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Aussie
You are a talented writer. You keep the reader's interest, tell a story and fill it with emotions. I thought your poem was great and by choosing the entertainer from the past you also gave color to the song.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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You are a talented writer. You keep the reader's interest, tell a story and fill it with emotions. I thought your poem was great and by choosing the entertainer from the past you also gave color to the song.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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Thank you for your lovely review. I appreciate it.
Comment from Michele Harber
What an absolutely beautiful love poem, with the musical theme adding an extra layer. I respect that you're not afraid to contract words to fit the meter you establish. I do that as well, but I've seen too many poets miss opportunities when a simple contraction was all they needed for perfect meter.
Have you ever read a line in a piece of writing and said, "I wish I'd written that"? In my case, it would be, "you're the tick but I'm the tock." I read that line and said, "That's so me. I wish I'd said it first."
I also particularly enjoyed your last two lines, "If you go first I'll miss your song, but, I will always sing along." This poem is bursting with love and romance, and you did a masterful job of maintaining your musical metaphor.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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What an absolutely beautiful love poem, with the musical theme adding an extra layer. I respect that you're not afraid to contract words to fit the meter you establish. I do that as well, but I've seen too many poets miss opportunities when a simple contraction was all they needed for perfect meter.
Have you ever read a line in a piece of writing and said, "I wish I'd written that"? In my case, it would be, "you're the tick but I'm the tock." I read that line and said, "That's so me. I wish I'd said it first."
I also particularly enjoyed your last two lines, "If you go first I'll miss your song, but, I will always sing along." This poem is bursting with love and romance, and you did a masterful job of maintaining your musical metaphor.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
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Thank you Michele I'm actually quite proud of that line. it seems to be everyone's favorite
But I seem to have confused. Some people think that the minstrel is the lover. The story is being told about the minstrel they think I don't correct them. I just say thank you for the review because I don't know how they can think that.
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Sometimes I challenge things like that; sometimes I just snarl and, like you, tell other people about the foolish comments I get, just to get it off my chest.
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One person also said that she thought I could work in more musical instruments. Then the poem would've went too long and people would've explained that it was too long.
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You can't please everyone, so don't even bother. Accept the comments you agree with, and the heck with the rest.
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I agree
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😀
Comment from JanPerry
your talent is awesome. I really enjoy your words of wisdom. Your research is excellent, it's as if you have been a jester in your life. Maybe in a past life? hahha. I enjoy the rhyming in this story about the jester.I like that "happiness has shed its rust." This gives me imagery about happiness being so old that its now rusted. Well done.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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your talent is awesome. I really enjoy your words of wisdom. Your research is excellent, it's as if you have been a jester in your life. Maybe in a past life? hahha. I enjoy the rhyming in this story about the jester.I like that "happiness has shed its rust." This gives me imagery about happiness being so old that its now rusted. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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You are right the happiness was so old but now it said it's rest so it's here again and new. New happiness is the best kind to have because you appreciate it more now that you lost it and it came back
Thank you so much for your wonderful comments and for the extra star
Comment from Samantha Wymer
This poem describes the love in my opinion. We can always feel when something has the person we love distraught. We have that connect and unbreakable bond. I enjoyed reading your poem. Excellent poem.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2024
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This poem describes the love in my opinion. We can always feel when something has the person we love distraught. We have that connect and unbreakable bond. I enjoyed reading your poem. Excellent poem.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2024
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Thank you for your lovely comments and your excellent rating's
Comment from nomi338
Beautiful. I can hear and feel the music. This beautiful post gave me just the biggest smile. I am a part time lyricist, and I am intrigued by clever rhymes that have a musical quality. This one qualifies big time. Great job.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2024
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Beautiful. I can hear and feel the music. This beautiful post gave me just the biggest smile. I am a part time lyricist, and I am intrigued by clever rhymes that have a musical quality. This one qualifies big time. Great job.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2024
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Thank you, Nomi
Five of my poems have been made into songs and I think a sixth one is in the works
Not anybody famous, but by somebody who may become famous
I would be willing to loan them with me holding the copyright to anybody who wants to use them to make songs. Because I don't know how much longer I'll be here. My health is extremely bad and all I want to do is share my work with the world that's all.
Thank you for your lovely review.