The Unwilling Heir
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "The Unwilling Heir - Chap 34"A Mysterious Inheritance and Murders
15 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
OH MY!!! This is getting really good. I can't wait to see what happens next. Good job of writing.
nable to hold back her tears, she sobbed, "Noah, please forgive me. (sobbed. One can't actually talk and sob at the same time.)
-- guns, explosives, ammunition, and shovels." (not clue why the quotation marks are still there)
Louie snapped out orders. "Shove her in the car (orders,)
He turned to check on Esther before continuing. "Frankie Saladino, (continuing,)
"Frankie Saladino, the man who serves in the same position. "Frankie Saladino, the man who serves in the same position that William once held, has heard rumors about the treasure and has come to claim it. (repeat)
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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OH MY!!! This is getting really good. I can't wait to see what happens next. Good job of writing.
nable to hold back her tears, she sobbed, "Noah, please forgive me. (sobbed. One can't actually talk and sob at the same time.)
-- guns, explosives, ammunition, and shovels." (not clue why the quotation marks are still there)
Louie snapped out orders. "Shove her in the car (orders,)
He turned to check on Esther before continuing. "Frankie Saladino, (continuing,)
"Frankie Saladino, the man who serves in the same position. "Frankie Saladino, the man who serves in the same position that William once held, has heard rumors about the treasure and has come to claim it. (repeat)
Comment Written 22-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Took me a while to be able to get back here and make the corrections. Thanks for pointing them out. All done now.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Esther Brown
Carol, very exciting developments. I caught a few errors: shovels ", Frankie who....sentence repeated, and Eleanor used instead of Esther in one place. I had sort-of forgotten the bad guys in the beginning of the story, should have known you had a plan for them! Esther
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Carol, very exciting developments. I caught a few errors: shovels ", Frankie who....sentence repeated, and Eleanor used instead of Esther in one place. I had sort-of forgotten the bad guys in the beginning of the story, should have known you had a plan for them! Esther
Comment Written 22-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Thanks as always, Esther. Your eagle eye helps a lot. thanks for your time and comments.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
You share another enjoyable chapter! I thought like the previous chapter that this as well written, enjoyable and a delight to read. The dialogue is excellent. The suspense and drama in this chapter are perfect and this flows naturally. Well done again!
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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You share another enjoyable chapter! I thought like the previous chapter that this as well written, enjoyable and a delight to read. The dialogue is excellent. The suspense and drama in this chapter are perfect and this flows naturally. Well done again!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Thanks again for reading and reviewing my story. I appreciate your time and thoughts concerning this chapter. Thanks as alwys.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Nice job! You do a wonderful job of sharing suspense and emotion in this chapter. Your writing easily kept me engaged. The transition from Madeline's heartfelt regret to the immediate danger posed by the gangsters is seamless. You do a great job of building tension. Characters are well-developed which adds to the story.
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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Nice job! You do a wonderful job of sharing suspense and emotion in this chapter. Your writing easily kept me engaged. The transition from Madeline's heartfelt regret to the immediate danger posed by the gangsters is seamless. You do a great job of building tension. Characters are well-developed which adds to the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
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Thank you for stopping by to read and comment on this chapter. I am glad you enjoyed the story and appreciate your comments.
Have a great day!
Comment from royowen
So now, those crooks Frankie Saladino and Louie Frisella move on the mansion, expecting to find riches, but they don't realise there's an army of ghosts, and a couple of live people, now the war begins, well done Carol, blessings Roy
Typo, (drug) should be drugged, but the rest of the English speaking world uses dragged Carol. 2: : Learned (unground) tunnels, underground?
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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2024
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So now, those crooks Frankie Saladino and Louie Frisella move on the mansion, expecting to find riches, but they don't realise there's an army of ghosts, and a couple of live people, now the war begins, well done Carol, blessings Roy
Typo, (drug) should be drugged, but the rest of the English speaking world uses dragged Carol. 2: : Learned (unground) tunnels, underground?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2024
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Thanks for caching my errors, Roy. That's what I get for writing in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping. Yes, now the war begins! And it might be a big one!
Thanks as always. Have a great night!
Smiles, Carol
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Well done