The Unwilling Heir
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "The Unwilling Heir - Chap 33"A Mysterious Inheritance and Murders
14 total reviews
Comment from prettybluebirds
This chapter has introduced a whole new cast of characters. I can't wait to discover where you are going with the story now. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2024
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This chapter has introduced a whole new cast of characters. I can't wait to discover where you are going with the story now. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2024
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I hoped it wasn't too much for the reader, but since William had been involved long ago in the mob scene and everyone was wanting the treasure, I decided why not? Glad you liked it, April.
Smiles, Carol
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I do like it. It makes the story even more exciting.
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Great because soon the war will be on...fighting from the demons, the gangsters, the good guys and whoever they cn recruit for help. Interesting!!!
Comment from Ricky1024
This chapter was well written Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this chapter in your wonderful book Entitled,
"The unwilling Heir"
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2024
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This chapter was well written Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this chapter in your wonderful book Entitled,
"The unwilling Heir"
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 21-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2024
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Hello, Ricky! Thank you for stopping by to read and comment on this chapter of my book. I know it's difficult to jump into an ongoing story but I hope you enjoyed what you read. Your always welcome to come back and follow the remainder of this story filled with ghosts from the past, current gangsters, and all sorts of drama.
Thanks so much for your comments and review.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Interesting twist to this story as if it wasn't complicated enough. LOL. Now let's see how this plays into our little mess. I am enjoying reading.
She smiled at Louie, "Nice to see you. (Louie.)
dding his head toward Frankie, he chuckled, "The boss keeps me busy." (chuckled.)
Once she left the table, Frankie sipped his drink and wasted no time questioning Louie. "So, what's been on your mind? (Louie,)
Louie chuckled, "It's best to put on a basketball game, (chuckled. )
You get the idea. I'm just going to enjoy the read, unless something extra comes up.
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reply by the author on 21-Jun-2024
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Interesting twist to this story as if it wasn't complicated enough. LOL. Now let's see how this plays into our little mess. I am enjoying reading.
She smiled at Louie, "Nice to see you. (Louie.)
dding his head toward Frankie, he chuckled, "The boss keeps me busy." (chuckled.)
Once she left the table, Frankie sipped his drink and wasted no time questioning Louie. "So, what's been on your mind? (Louie,)
Louie chuckled, "It's best to put on a basketball game, (chuckled. )
You get the idea. I'm just going to enjoy the read, unless something extra comes up.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2024
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Good day, Barbara! Of course, it wouldn't be right unless my dear friend and teacher didn't point out my punctuation. I might never get this right, you know. But you are so kid about it and I do appreciate it.
As for the gangster's chiming in.... of course I needed a few more humans (bad ones at that!) involved in this fiasco.
Next chapter will be ready in the morning. Hope you enjoy!
Smiles, Carol
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You know I'll enjoy it.
Comment from F. William Lester
I'm jumping into this story a bit late, but your synopsis was helpful in getting a good idea of the plot. I thought it was a great chapter. Strong descriptions and good pacing. I did get the feeling that some of the names, locations, and descriptions bordered on cliche, but that is probably due to the crime novels I've read and movies I've seen. Still, everything was believable and didn't detract from the story. A couple of descriptions did catch my eye where I thought you gave too much information. Unfortunately, I could only find one of the examples I was looking for. It's a minor point but something to consider. In this quote, "A Rolex peeked out from beneath his cuff, a subtle reminder of the status he commanded in his world.", I think you could delete everything after cuff. Let the reader decide what this description, a very good description I might add, shows. If we give the reader too much information or describe the obvious, this could prove annoying to them, and some may actually find it insulting. Just something to think about. I'm sorry I couldn't find the other examples I first saw as I read it. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it.
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reply by the author on 21-Jun-2024
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I'm jumping into this story a bit late, but your synopsis was helpful in getting a good idea of the plot. I thought it was a great chapter. Strong descriptions and good pacing. I did get the feeling that some of the names, locations, and descriptions bordered on cliche, but that is probably due to the crime novels I've read and movies I've seen. Still, everything was believable and didn't detract from the story. A couple of descriptions did catch my eye where I thought you gave too much information. Unfortunately, I could only find one of the examples I was looking for. It's a minor point but something to consider. In this quote, "A Rolex peeked out from beneath his cuff, a subtle reminder of the status he commanded in his world.", I think you could delete everything after cuff. Let the reader decide what this description, a very good description I might add, shows. If we give the reader too much information or describe the obvious, this could prove annoying to them, and some may actually find it insulting. Just something to think about. I'm sorry I couldn't find the other examples I first saw as I read it. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2024
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Hello and thank you for taking the time to jump into the middle of this fiasco with ghosts, stolen treasure, and a haunted mansion with gangsters from the past and present. I hope you found it entertaining enough to continue following.
As for your comments...I considered them and found them to be very helpful. I did trouble the remainder of the sentence after the Rolex. It's nice when I can understand the reader's viewpoint on what I write and then make the necessary changes. I thought and changed! Thank you!
Thank you again for reading and commenting. I truly appreciate your time, thoughts, and review.
Smiles, Carol