DUEL with the DEVIL
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "DUEL with the DEVIL - Chapter 1"The problem of creating a non-addictive painkiller
24 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an excellent beginning to a book. You have a lot of action and psychic pain and questions about the future by two young people. His sister's age means she can take care of him, but his desire to be spoiled by his parents could lead to problems.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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This is an excellent beginning to a book. You have a lot of action and psychic pain and questions about the future by two young people. His sister's age means she can take care of him, but his desire to be spoiled by his parents could lead to problems.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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Thanks very much for your great review and the 6 stars, Carol. As always, your comments are very perceptive. I'm so glad you've joined the readership.
Comment from tfawcus
Nicely constructed through the stages from disbelief to grief. I imagine the older girl may fall apart later.
I would consider canning I suppose it is every child's worst nightmare that something bad has happened to his parents. They had gone out last night to dinner and a movie--one of their "date nights." as it preempts the tragic announcement and, to my mind, weakens it.
Looking forward to seeing where you take us with this one. A great start.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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Nicely constructed through the stages from disbelief to grief. I imagine the older girl may fall apart later.
I would consider canning I suppose it is every child's worst nightmare that something bad has happened to his parents. They had gone out last night to dinner and a movie--one of their "date nights." as it preempts the tragic announcement and, to my mind, weakens it.
Looking forward to seeing where you take us with this one. A great start.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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Thanks very much, Tony. I thought about what you suggested. This comes from personal experience because that was always my fear as a child when my parents went out. I realize it may lessen the impact of the news, but it's the first thing that would have sprung to my mind had my older brother confronted me in this way.
My parents actually were in a serious accident while out on a date with another couple when I was a youth. Fortunately, it didn't end in the same tragedy as here, but it was a very close call.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Congrats on your 300th milestone, Jim! Interesting! So, having seen Brian's chaotic condition in the prologue, we're now having a glimpse of how his childhood has shaped that personality. I like the idea of this, especially because you're going back to those critical, formative teenage years. Francine is a very sensible young woman who will be a great support but Brian is clearly much more dreamy and impractical. An excellent and very promising first chapter! Thanks for sharing. Debbie
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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Congrats on your 300th milestone, Jim! Interesting! So, having seen Brian's chaotic condition in the prologue, we're now having a glimpse of how his childhood has shaped that personality. I like the idea of this, especially because you're going back to those critical, formative teenage years. Francine is a very sensible young woman who will be a great support but Brian is clearly much more dreamy and impractical. An excellent and very promising first chapter! Thanks for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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Thanks very much for the congrats, Debbie. As always, you're very perceptive with your analysis. All of part 1 will be devoted to how he got to the stage that we saw him in in the prologue, and, like you say, it began in his youth.
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I love biographies (in case you hadn't noticed:))
Comment from jmdg1954
Excellent post, Jim and congrats on #300!
I'm interested to read the development of the story on how Brian's life turns for the worst and how the positive sister handle it.
Question- I found it sort of strange that the very next morning after the parents were killed in a horrendous accident, she had everything nice and tidy and knew exactly what to do. Just didn't feel authentic (even for fiction).
You know me, I question things in order to make it better (in my non-novel writers mind) never to tear anything down!
Looking forward to chapter 2!
John
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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Excellent post, Jim and congrats on #300!
I'm interested to read the development of the story on how Brian's life turns for the worst and how the positive sister handle it.
Question- I found it sort of strange that the very next morning after the parents were killed in a horrendous accident, she had everything nice and tidy and knew exactly what to do. Just didn't feel authentic (even for fiction).
You know me, I question things in order to make it better (in my non-novel writers mind) never to tear anything down!
Looking forward to chapter 2!
John
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
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Hey, John, thanks so much for the congrats on #300.
Brian's life will have a number of ups and downs, and it won't be a straight line down to the point we see him in the prologue, although his tendencies make that almost inevitable.
I really appreciate your feedback on things, and I don't mind at all your questioning the seeming lack of emotion on Fran's part. Others have expressed that as well, and I will think about softening her somewhat, but I'm not sure at this point. I want her to serve as a real contrast to Brian without the flaws that tend to lead him awry. But I'll think about it.
Comment from eliz100
I really enjoyed your last book, so I am excited to read this one. This chapter is well written. I enjoyed getting to know the characters. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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I really enjoyed your last book, so I am excited to read this one. This chapter is well written. I enjoyed getting to know the characters. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Hi, Lee. Glad to see you reviewing this novel too. Did you happen to see the Prologue I posted on Monday? You'll get to see how the story starts, and you'll see that Part 1 is a flashback.
Comment from royowen
What a good storyline, I think as a grandparent, I would gather them together and at least adopt the minor boy, and support the older girl until able to support themselves, until they were on their, that was always my intention with my grandkids, but great story Jim, well done, but the exciting thing is, you can progress them both, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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What a good storyline, I think as a grandparent, I would gather them together and at least adopt the minor boy, and support the older girl until able to support themselves, until they were on their, that was always my intention with my grandkids, but great story Jim, well done, but the exciting thing is, you can progress them both, blessings Roy
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Thanks very much, Roy. That would have been an option, but I guess Fran felt capable of becoming his legal guardian, being 18 and in college now, preparing to be a cop.
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Yep, it?s much more interesting
Comment from estory
I think you painted a pretty poignant picture of the two kids caught up in this sudden loss of their parents; you have the immediate denial, the hope that it is all a mistake, and then the realization that you have to get on with your life, without them. You are on your own. The boy seems much more shaken than the girl. I would expect a little more emotion from her, in that situation. Sometimes shock gives way to mourning over a day or two. But the dialogue is pretty crisp, the characters of the two siblings seem pretty well defined. This could make a good novel. estory
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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I think you painted a pretty poignant picture of the two kids caught up in this sudden loss of their parents; you have the immediate denial, the hope that it is all a mistake, and then the realization that you have to get on with your life, without them. You are on your own. The boy seems much more shaken than the girl. I would expect a little more emotion from her, in that situation. Sometimes shock gives way to mourning over a day or two. But the dialogue is pretty crisp, the characters of the two siblings seem pretty well defined. This could make a good novel. estory
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Thanks so much, estory. I appreciate your insight here. I plan to have Fran be a strong, no-nonsense character who feels she most show a brave face to keep Brian from falling apart and to know there will be a mature adult watching over him.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Congratulations on the 300-milestone post. This is a good post to get in on. I can't wait to read more. This is a good write. There was emotion upon hearing their parents dies, but I would have expected more. I felt that area was rushed a little.
was 12 years old on that awful morning when my big sister Francine shook me awake. (sister, -- My editor also wants me to put one after, Francine, but I disagree and won't)
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Congratulations on the 300-milestone post. This is a good post to get in on. I can't wait to read more. This is a good write. There was emotion upon hearing their parents dies, but I would have expected more. I felt that area was rushed a little.
was 12 years old on that awful morning when my big sister Francine shook me awake. (sister, -- My editor also wants me to put one after, Francine, but I disagree and won't)
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Thanks very much, Barbara. I'm still amazed I've had 300 postings already.
I will consider lengthening that scene a little.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Post #300 - woop, woop! I'm still trying to get to my second hundred. Congratulations!!
A very good first chapter, Jim. A situation many do find themselves in, and you have written a "we can get by and do anything without them" kind of chapter. Of course, in fiction, as in life, that is probably not the case.
Looking forward to the coming chapters. Which of them is the golfer? I'm betting it's Fran.
The paragraph that begins, "No, you're just teasing me, right?" - After "Right?" start a new sentence and capitalize "but"
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Post #300 - woop, woop! I'm still trying to get to my second hundred. Congratulations!!
A very good first chapter, Jim. A situation many do find themselves in, and you have written a "we can get by and do anything without them" kind of chapter. Of course, in fiction, as in life, that is probably not the case.
Looking forward to the coming chapters. Which of them is the golfer? I'm betting it's Fran.
The paragraph that begins, "No, you're just teasing me, right?" - After "Right?" start a new sentence and capitalize "but"
xo
Pam
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Thanks very much, Pam, for the congratulations as well as your great review.
Ha-ha, no golf in this one. Thanks for that correction too.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Congratulations for your milestone.
Interesting and unique start of a novel. We are left wondering what direction it might take us: a rebellious youth, sinister no-goods trying to take advantage of the two, or two independent youths vs the gov't machine?
Good luck with it.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Congratulations for your milestone.
Interesting and unique start of a novel. We are left wondering what direction it might take us: a rebellious youth, sinister no-goods trying to take advantage of the two, or two independent youths vs the gov't machine?
Good luck with it.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Thanks, Wayne.
All legitimate possibilities you've mentioned. Honestly, I haven't decide how I will go with it yet, but I don't have to worry about it for a while because Part 1 will deal with how he got to the state he was in in the prologue.