Acrostic (my pain inside)
A Site Contest Entry29 total reviews
Comment from AP Apgar
What an excellent poem and picture presentation supporting- poem has a good rhyming quality throughout, making reading pleasurable- your story describing your lost love - seeking relief in time - memories deny - life
Imploring with age/time- never reaching acceptance- resigning self to live with grief- a prisoner- entombed- with
Sadness and your truth - nicely done - good luck - AP
reply by the author on 31-May-2024
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What an excellent poem and picture presentation supporting- poem has a good rhyming quality throughout, making reading pleasurable- your story describing your lost love - seeking relief in time - memories deny - life
Imploring with age/time- never reaching acceptance- resigning self to live with grief- a prisoner- entombed- with
Sadness and your truth - nicely done - good luck - AP
Comment Written 31-May-2024
reply by the author on 31-May-2024
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Thank you, AP. for your exceptional and very understanding review, the stars brightened up my day, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Wendy G
A very beautiful acrostic, and the grey and black presentation is very appropriate to the theme of love lost, and the hints of depression and dying and being entombed. It's really well done, so best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 31-May-2024
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A very beautiful acrostic, and the grey and black presentation is very appropriate to the theme of love lost, and the hints of depression and dying and being entombed. It's really well done, so best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 31-May-2024
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Thank you, Wendy, for your wonderful comments, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from EeanBlack
Holy hell. You just put my life into a few words. She'll never love me back and I'll never stop loving her. Yes I'll live and be somewhat happy, but inside I'll always be wanting her. That's so sad or maybe even pathetic, but it is what it is.
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Holy hell. You just put my life into a few words. She'll never love me back and I'll never stop loving her. Yes I'll live and be somewhat happy, but inside I'll always be wanting her. That's so sad or maybe even pathetic, but it is what it is.
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Thank you for your wonderful comments, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Jodi Ann Anderson
Amazing poem! I really enjoyed reading this. It showed a lot of feeling, and is so well written! I think this is the best acrostic poem I have ever read! Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Amazing poem! I really enjoyed reading this. It showed a lot of feeling, and is so well written! I think this is the best acrostic poem I have ever read! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Thank you so very much for your wonderful and encouraging comments, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from GoWiSt
"(my pain inside)" So sad.
"Yet love relives as years increase" Did you mean 'relieves'--lightens/softens the pain? Or as it is, 'relives'--love living on and on, again and again?
"Solitude I will now befriend
Inside the darkness 'till my end" Such sad imagery.
A well penned acrostic. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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"(my pain inside)" So sad.
"Yet love relives as years increase" Did you mean 'relieves'--lightens/softens the pain? Or as it is, 'relives'--love living on and on, again and again?
"Solitude I will now befriend
Inside the darkness 'till my end" Such sad imagery.
A well penned acrostic. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Thank you for your wonderful comments, I did mean "relives" as when trying to move on this love keeps coming to mind, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is heartfelt and goes straight to the soul of how it feels to lose the love of your life. I can relate. This is an excellent worthwhile project to do an acrostic with the subject of loss of love is a great achievement. This will be hard to beat. I love the rhyming scheme and the show of affection for the one you lost so long ago.
Jesse
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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This is heartfelt and goes straight to the soul of how it feels to lose the love of your life. I can relate. This is an excellent worthwhile project to do an acrostic with the subject of loss of love is a great achievement. This will be hard to beat. I love the rhyming scheme and the show of affection for the one you lost so long ago.
Jesse
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Thank you, Jesse, for this very understanding review, you have nailed it, lost love is so very hard to get over, I hope you are well and looking after yourself, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
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You're welcome, Kym.
I'm doing alright. I appreciate your concern.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Jesse
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, kaput. You've written a beauty here
!!!!WOW!!!!!
I am really impressed. I thought I was reading my poem. You perfectly captured the emotion of the poor tortured soul Everything was so good in this poem
I hope you don't mind discussing possible improvements now your meter is very good but in the first few lines you used iambic meter and then you switched away from that and then you went back to it. So here is the section that I'm talking about.
"Imploding life upon its rise
Never accepting love's demise
Solitude I will now befriend
Inside the darkness 'till my end
Devoid of light, bereft of youth
Entombed I am within my truth"
Do you see how the lines above are all iambic. Iambic is cdcdcdcd where c is an unstressed and d is stressed. Most of your lines are like that. If possible make little changes to keep that meter. Never is always going to stress the first syllable. But, you COULD say
and not accepting love's demise
Solitude also breaks the pattern
But you COULD say
In solitude I'll now befriend.
Do you see? See if it sounds better
Let me know what you think.
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Hi, kaput. You've written a beauty here
!!!!WOW!!!!!
I am really impressed. I thought I was reading my poem. You perfectly captured the emotion of the poor tortured soul Everything was so good in this poem
I hope you don't mind discussing possible improvements now your meter is very good but in the first few lines you used iambic meter and then you switched away from that and then you went back to it. So here is the section that I'm talking about.
"Imploding life upon its rise
Never accepting love's demise
Solitude I will now befriend
Inside the darkness 'till my end
Devoid of light, bereft of youth
Entombed I am within my truth"
Do you see how the lines above are all iambic. Iambic is cdcdcdcd where c is an unstressed and d is stressed. Most of your lines are like that. If possible make little changes to keep that meter. Never is always going to stress the first syllable. But, you COULD say
and not accepting love's demise
Solitude also breaks the pattern
But you COULD say
In solitude I'll now befriend.
Do you see? See if it sounds better
Let me know what you think.
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Thank you so very much, I really don't understand "meter" though trying to learn, and this is so very helpful, I will keep this review to learn and understand, though I think in this case your wonderful suggestions would not help, even though they help the poem, as this is an acrostic I need to keep each line starting with a specific letter, I will (if I may) ask for help in some other works about meter, stress syllables etc. as always very much appreciated****kahpot
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Ash ok
Comment from Erika Whittle
This was so good. I didn't even think to use multiple words for the acrostic. I like how it rhymes and the overall flow of the poem. It feels so natural, had it not been for the format, I might not have realized it was an acrostic. Great job
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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This was so good. I didn't even think to use multiple words for the acrostic. I like how it rhymes and the overall flow of the poem. It feels so natural, had it not been for the format, I might not have realized it was an acrostic. Great job
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Thank you for your wonderful comments, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from jake cosmos aller
a lovely acrostic poem about the challenges of loving someone who maybe does not love you back in the same manner, unrequited love affairs are difficult - I had one in college
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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a lovely acrostic poem about the challenges of loving someone who maybe does not love you back in the same manner, unrequited love affairs are difficult - I had one in college
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Thank you very much, and I thought college were the good ol' days, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very nicely written across for the contest and I wish you the very best in the contest. May you have a very pleasant day and may your weekend be blessed. God bless. Patricia .
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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This is a very nicely written across for the contest and I wish you the very best in the contest. May you have a very pleasant day and may your weekend be blessed. God bless. Patricia .
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
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Thank you, Patricia, for your wonderful comments, as always very much appreciated****kahpot