Death to the house of nothingness
Fighting demons sometimes leads us to remarkable conclusions14 total reviews
Comment from Mia Twysted
If you could make the font bigger, it would help the reader's eyes. The eye tends to get lost, and having to refind your spot takes away from the story.
That said, this was a beautiful and inspiring piece of fiction. I felt deeply for him, and as his weight lifted, so did mine. You gave the reader freedom and hope.
reply by the author on 10-May-2024
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If you could make the font bigger, it would help the reader's eyes. The eye tends to get lost, and having to refind your spot takes away from the story.
That said, this was a beautiful and inspiring piece of fiction. I felt deeply for him, and as his weight lifted, so did mine. You gave the reader freedom and hope.
Comment Written 10-May-2024
reply by the author on 10-May-2024
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Thank you for your comment. Larger font has been noted.
Comment from Julie Helms
You use vivid descriptions for the demonic forces controlling this character's mind. The way they act on his mind and body is very believable. The rescue at the end by the pastor is a beautiful show of true faith.
One typo:
tall, dark man who had stepped **form**the shadows in the corner of the church
(from)
Also, do not use quotes on every sentence. Just once at the beginning of a person speaking and once at the end, regardless of how many sentences.
"I want to join you and mom and Mikey." "I just wanna go home."
Should be:
"I want to join you and mom and Mikey. I just wanna go home."
An excellent, gripping story to the end.
Julie
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-May-2024
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You use vivid descriptions for the demonic forces controlling this character's mind. The way they act on his mind and body is very believable. The rescue at the end by the pastor is a beautiful show of true faith.
One typo:
tall, dark man who had stepped **form**the shadows in the corner of the church
(from)
Also, do not use quotes on every sentence. Just once at the beginning of a person speaking and once at the end, regardless of how many sentences.
"I want to join you and mom and Mikey." "I just wanna go home."
Should be:
"I want to join you and mom and Mikey. I just wanna go home."
An excellent, gripping story to the end.
Julie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2024
reply by the author on 10-May-2024
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Thank you for your help
Comment from Nicki Nance
You put a reader very close to this story. Your relationship with the demons unfolds over several paragraphs. More compelling, your poetic prose are lyrical. Excellent.
reply by the author on 10-May-2024
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You put a reader very close to this story. Your relationship with the demons unfolds over several paragraphs. More compelling, your poetic prose are lyrical. Excellent.
Comment Written 09-May-2024
reply by the author on 10-May-2024
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Thank you
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This was very well written. I think you nailed the contest theme. Because this went into the depths of the human psyche. You share themes of darkness and despair so well. I love the use of inner dialogue. You skillfully share the weight of the struggles with intrusive thoughts and mental turmoil. I found this grabbed my attention from the start. You show us inner demons so well. Great job!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-May-2024
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This was very well written. I think you nailed the contest theme. Because this went into the depths of the human psyche. You share themes of darkness and despair so well. I love the use of inner dialogue. You skillfully share the weight of the struggles with intrusive thoughts and mental turmoil. I found this grabbed my attention from the start. You show us inner demons so well. Great job!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-May-2024
reply by the author on 08-May-2024
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thank you
