Return To Concorde Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Adam's Choice"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
21 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Fascinating progression! Hooray for Adam for being so brave and determined. I liked your allusion to Genesis with the simple "Adam snaked." And perhaps it's that Adam's action or "choice" that makes him less of a threat to Hades (who seems to symbolize the evil one.)
Hope that Adam can come through for Echo!
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Fascinating progression! Hooray for Adam for being so brave and determined. I liked your allusion to Genesis with the simple "Adam snaked." And perhaps it's that Adam's action or "choice" that makes him less of a threat to Hades (who seems to symbolize the evil one.)
Hope that Adam can come through for Echo!
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Hi Helen, how perceptive you are!! Adam and the snake appear together, yes. Adam won't be as effective as he wants, but will still be quite brave, which is a progression from his earlier weak character. He will help her, though. Theo has yet to play his hand, and will have to search for help from the twins.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Your story keeps getting better with each chapter. It is a thriller that has this reader anxiously awaiting more. I have faith that you will rescue Echo from her dilemma.
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Your story keeps getting better with each chapter. It is a thriller that has this reader anxiously awaiting more. I have faith that you will rescue Echo from her dilemma.
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Thank you so much for the review, my friend. I'm so glad you're following it, and I'm glad it's getting better. I try to improve each time, as do we all!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda....will Adam find a way to help Echo? Has Hannah' diet helped enough so that Philip's arms can recover from carrying her to safety? Tune in next time for the answers to these and other questions in the thrilling next chapter of Return to Concorde Valley
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda....will Adam find a way to help Echo? Has Hannah' diet helped enough so that Philip's arms can recover from carrying her to safety? Tune in next time for the answers to these and other questions in the thrilling next chapter of Return to Concorde Valley
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Mike, I can always count on you to deliver the lighter side of the chapters!! I love it!!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I see hope for Echo, but it's still very iffy. I really like this story. I am hoping Hades has met his match. Of course, if he's victorious the story is over and that's not a good thing. I can't wait to see how he loses.
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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I see hope for Echo, but it's still very iffy. I really like this story. I am hoping Hades has met his match. Of course, if he's victorious the story is over and that's not a good thing. I can't wait to see how he loses.
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Hi Barbara, thank you so very much for the six stars!! That means so much any time, but especially on an end of the week post!!
Hades still has some trouble up his sleave, but... he can't possibly be the final winner.
Take care my friend,
Rhonda
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I am sure he doe. I forgot to mention that I am glad to see Adam back. I had wondered about him
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I needed to bring him back in. Next chapter will be about Theo and Hermes and their quest.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This excellent chapter concludes in safety for Hannah and Phillip while Echo remains in the clutches of Hades, seemingly holding out well and determined that she will not submit to the killer of her parents. As ever, the dialogue and pace are excellent and the vividness of your fantasy story is never lost, especially when you describe the participation of the animals. There are a couple of small edits:
First he had to get Hannah (to) safety; Phillip placed Hannah on the ground in the midst of (the?) them.
Rhonda, this is clearly and beautifully written and a joy to read! A virtual six from me. Take care, Debbie
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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This excellent chapter concludes in safety for Hannah and Phillip while Echo remains in the clutches of Hades, seemingly holding out well and determined that she will not submit to the killer of her parents. As ever, the dialogue and pace are excellent and the vividness of your fantasy story is never lost, especially when you describe the participation of the animals. There are a couple of small edits:
First he had to get Hannah (to) safety; Phillip placed Hannah on the ground in the midst of (the?) them.
Rhonda, this is clearly and beautifully written and a joy to read! A virtual six from me. Take care, Debbie
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Thank you so much for the virtual six, Debbie. I was really late this week, but was inundated with relatives over the weekend and getting ready to end out the school year. I got behind on many things on here, lol.
I appreciate your comments and edits. I've fixed those two. As is often the case, it was the parts I had changed recently that I messed up on.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This was excellent, Rhonda, I love this story. I just hope Echo can hold on without eating anything. I'd find that hard!! I love that the animals understand what Phillip is saying to them, and vise versa. Now to get Hannah home and healed. I've put a link underneath for you. Penguin Publishers are looking for Fantasy, Sci-fi writers. I thought you might want to have a look. I'm going to see what they think of my, 'The Descendant' They can only say, No, we have nothing to lose. Well done with this chapter!! Love and hugs, Sandra xx
Sorry, FS won't let me give it to you. I'll try on PM. xxx
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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This was excellent, Rhonda, I love this story. I just hope Echo can hold on without eating anything. I'd find that hard!! I love that the animals understand what Phillip is saying to them, and vise versa. Now to get Hannah home and healed. I've put a link underneath for you. Penguin Publishers are looking for Fantasy, Sci-fi writers. I thought you might want to have a look. I'm going to see what they think of my, 'The Descendant' They can only say, No, we have nothing to lose. Well done with this chapter!! Love and hugs, Sandra xx
Sorry, FS won't let me give it to you. I'll try on PM. xxx
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Hi Sandra,
Thank you so much for the lovely review. I appreciate, as well, the link to the publisher. Both are valuable to me.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Sally Law
Oh, this is soooo thrilling! Wow, again! I am so in awe of Echo and Adam and their presence of mind, and strength of body, soul and spirit. Hades won't win, that's for sure. Meantime, I think Adam is crushing on Echo. However, I know her heart is with Theo. He's been missing but I feel he's aware of what's going on in Hadesville. Superb chapter that has me wanting more ... as usual! You never disappoint, my dear.
Sending you my best today as always, and love and blessings across the bridge.
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Oh, this is soooo thrilling! Wow, again! I am so in awe of Echo and Adam and their presence of mind, and strength of body, soul and spirit. Hades won't win, that's for sure. Meantime, I think Adam is crushing on Echo. However, I know her heart is with Theo. He's been missing but I feel he's aware of what's going on in Hadesville. Superb chapter that has me wanting more ... as usual! You never disappoint, my dear.
Sending you my best today as always, and love and blessings across the bridge.
Sal XOs
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Hi Sally,
Thank you so very much for your beautiful six star review!! I know Thursday is a horrible day to post, but there it is, I was finally finished. There were times I wasn't sure I would get it done before Sunday. Your encouragement certainly helped.
Theo is constantly aware of what's going on, one way or another and is very upset about not being able to go in after her. He does, however, know it's a trap and everyone is relying on him to pull through.
Much love across the bridge,
Rhonda
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My pleasure! What a two weeks we've had! I'm amazed at how great you write anyway but how you do all that you do, and with your mother-in-law's passing, is nothing short of a miracle! Praise the Lord for his goodness and strength.
I so enjoyed this chapter, my talented friend. Extra bff hugs and blessings tonight across the bridge,
Sal Xoxo's
Comment from robyn corum
Rhonda,
Hi, there!
Wow! Is this ever a deep piece. If I was creating a novel like this, I would have to have huge notebooks with reams of paper listing all the characters and allllll their traits and allll their tiny little details, and then all the places with details, etc. I just could (almost) never do something like this - wow. I'm so very, very impressed.
Here you are in chapter 33 and it looks like you are just getting started into the meat of your plot. Crazy. This is why MY books are so very simple and silly compared to this. Hats off to those of you who can juggle so many characters and things. I wish I could!!!!!!
Though I came in late, I think I understood everything that was happening - also due to your skill. Nice! I gotta tell you that I was worried when I pulled this up and saw that TINY little box-like thing over on the far right - that thing that shows how long the post will be? I thought, oh, no! I'm know this girl has developed a big ole base of faithful readers by now, but will that scare away any new ones? Of course, when I got to the bottom, I discovered that so much of the space was your synopsis to-date. Still, I have to tell you, it woord me a bit. If you ever do have trouble in that area, you might consider cutting some of that? But then, I've been gone a long while, and you may be way closer to the true pulse here than I am.
I have two or three notes for you. Remember, please, these are only comments - and you are perfectly welcome to IGNORE them. My job, as I see it, is to read and give you my honest thoughts. YOUR job is to read my thoughts and then do what you want. *smile*
The only other thing is that I promise my heart is in the right place -- when I make the notes they are off the cuff and as I read. If something ever does read as 'nice' or 'politely' as it should, please, please assume the best - because that's how it's meant. Promise.
If you have any questions at all, just holler back - you'll notice that I did not think any of these were enough to deduct stars.
To consider:
1.) "Clean up this mess," a voice roared
--> "Clean up this mess(!)" a voice roared
--> (if he really roared, right?)
2.) As soon as no one was looking his direction, he scooted around
--> Couple things here... this is a bad 'crutch' a lot of writers tend to fall back on - (as well as 'After the ...' / 'Before he knew it...' / etc. / and other such like sentence openings to show passage of time.)
--> it also happens to fall into the category of 'passive' writing - when we all would prefer to be writing in the much more positive and energetic 'active' sense.
--> when you find yourself using this (or one of its cousins I mentioned) - and I recommend doing a search, probably), it's a pretty easy fix. For ex:
--> As soon as no one was looking his direction, he scooted around to the back of the cave and slipped, unnoticed, into a tunnel going deeper into the caverns.
--> Adam used their distraction to scoot around to the back of the cave...
--> in other words, just JUMP RIGHT OVER to where the ACTION is taking place. (Which - makes sense, because this is the 'active' version of writing, instead of the 'passive' version where it takes so long to get to the good stuff, right? See? Don't you LOVE this stuff!!! haha!)
--> also, you just used same phrase to begin a paragraph a little bit before this. (Which is why I said you may want to do a search -- not just because I'm mean and hateful.)
3.) The rest of you animals, gather your forces and meet me back here as soon
as possible.(")
Thanks so much! I'm cheering for you!
-robyn
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Rhonda,
Hi, there!
Wow! Is this ever a deep piece. If I was creating a novel like this, I would have to have huge notebooks with reams of paper listing all the characters and allllll their traits and allll their tiny little details, and then all the places with details, etc. I just could (almost) never do something like this - wow. I'm so very, very impressed.
Here you are in chapter 33 and it looks like you are just getting started into the meat of your plot. Crazy. This is why MY books are so very simple and silly compared to this. Hats off to those of you who can juggle so many characters and things. I wish I could!!!!!!
Though I came in late, I think I understood everything that was happening - also due to your skill. Nice! I gotta tell you that I was worried when I pulled this up and saw that TINY little box-like thing over on the far right - that thing that shows how long the post will be? I thought, oh, no! I'm know this girl has developed a big ole base of faithful readers by now, but will that scare away any new ones? Of course, when I got to the bottom, I discovered that so much of the space was your synopsis to-date. Still, I have to tell you, it woord me a bit. If you ever do have trouble in that area, you might consider cutting some of that? But then, I've been gone a long while, and you may be way closer to the true pulse here than I am.
I have two or three notes for you. Remember, please, these are only comments - and you are perfectly welcome to IGNORE them. My job, as I see it, is to read and give you my honest thoughts. YOUR job is to read my thoughts and then do what you want. *smile*
The only other thing is that I promise my heart is in the right place -- when I make the notes they are off the cuff and as I read. If something ever does read as 'nice' or 'politely' as it should, please, please assume the best - because that's how it's meant. Promise.
If you have any questions at all, just holler back - you'll notice that I did not think any of these were enough to deduct stars.
To consider:
1.) "Clean up this mess," a voice roared
--> "Clean up this mess(!)" a voice roared
--> (if he really roared, right?)
2.) As soon as no one was looking his direction, he scooted around
--> Couple things here... this is a bad 'crutch' a lot of writers tend to fall back on - (as well as 'After the ...' / 'Before he knew it...' / etc. / and other such like sentence openings to show passage of time.)
--> it also happens to fall into the category of 'passive' writing - when we all would prefer to be writing in the much more positive and energetic 'active' sense.
--> when you find yourself using this (or one of its cousins I mentioned) - and I recommend doing a search, probably), it's a pretty easy fix. For ex:
--> As soon as no one was looking his direction, he scooted around to the back of the cave and slipped, unnoticed, into a tunnel going deeper into the caverns.
--> Adam used their distraction to scoot around to the back of the cave...
--> in other words, just JUMP RIGHT OVER to where the ACTION is taking place. (Which - makes sense, because this is the 'active' version of writing, instead of the 'passive' version where it takes so long to get to the good stuff, right? See? Don't you LOVE this stuff!!! haha!)
--> also, you just used same phrase to begin a paragraph a little bit before this. (Which is why I said you may want to do a search -- not just because I'm mean and hateful.)
3.) The rest of you animals, gather your forces and meet me back here as soon
as possible.(")
Thanks so much! I'm cheering for you!
-robyn
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Oh my gosh, Robyn, I'm soooo glad to hear from you!!! And I'm honored you stepped into the middle of my book to review. I've already made a few of the changes, and will get back to the others. I took a picture of your post to make it easier, lol.
You're right about the summary. It definitely needs trimming, lol. I just keep adding to it.
I do have a tendency to the passive and I'm glad you noted it. It helps me to focus on active.
A lot to think on and certainly ideas to go back and fix in earlier chapters.
Thanks every so much!!
Rhonda
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Yay!! Just as sweet as ever! Thanks!
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You're precious!! And, I've missed you!!
Comment from Begin Again
he had get Hannah (to)
Another enjoyable chapter, Rhonad. So Adam is changing and growing wiser right before our eyes and learning that even he might want to be more like Theo. And poor Phillip has pushed himself until he has gotten his little sister to safety. Their spirit is strong and it gives them to courage to face the stronger Hades.... And Echo believes she can stand up to the power of Hades....Well done!
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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he had get Hannah (to)
Another enjoyable chapter, Rhonad. So Adam is changing and growing wiser right before our eyes and learning that even he might want to be more like Theo. And poor Phillip has pushed himself until he has gotten his little sister to safety. Their spirit is strong and it gives them to courage to face the stronger Hades.... And Echo believes she can stand up to the power of Hades....Well done!
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Hi Carol,
Thank you so much for taking time to review. I'm dismally behind. I had to deal with the death of my mother-in-law who lived with us, and was cognizant up until her death, which was sudden, but not surprise. Then there was all that family stuff!!
Any rate, school will be out soon and I can get caught up on reviews.
Take care
Rhonda
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So sorry for your family loss and for everything that piles up when life takes an unexpected curve. Wish you the best.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
It is good there is plans to rescue Echo and the cat is waiting just outside. I always enjoy this story. You've taken on some characters among the Gods that everyone knows about. When I took Latin in school, all the stories we had to read were about the gods and goddesses.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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It is good there is plans to rescue Echo and the cat is waiting just outside. I always enjoy this story. You've taken on some characters among the Gods that everyone knows about. When I took Latin in school, all the stories we had to read were about the gods and goddesses.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Hi Beth,
My sister was really into Greek Mythology and as a child, infected me with it. I took Latin in High School from a lady who used to be a nun. She taught us a lot about the language and a lot about mythology. I'll admit, I take a lot of liberties with their stories, and will even more as the book progresses, but I'm having fun.
Thank you so much for reviewing and always keeping up with me. I, on the other hand, have gotten dismally behind on reviewing. I will try to catch up when the school year ends.
Take care,
Rhonda