Saltwater Ghosts
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Giant"Young girl with special abilities.
18 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am really liking this story. Almost as much as Miranda. Heddy is a great character. I also am enjoying Artie.
If I don't remember them how can they remember me?" (comma after 'them')
"I didn't tell anybody about you." I blurt. (comma after 'you')
He holds out his hand and I curtsy like they showed us in school. (comma after 'hand', you switched subjects)
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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I am really liking this story. Almost as much as Miranda. Heddy is a great character. I also am enjoying Artie.
If I don't remember them how can they remember me?" (comma after 'them')
"I didn't tell anybody about you." I blurt. (comma after 'you')
He holds out his hand and I curtsy like they showed us in school. (comma after 'hand', you switched subjects)
Comment Written 05-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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Thank you Barbara. I appreciate the edits and the nice review. Gretchen
Comment from BethShelby
I guess she has sort of made a freind out of the giant. It seems she already told her grandmoter about him but maybe that don't count sincer she only talkes to Heddy and she dead anyway. I look forward to more.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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I guess she has sort of made a freind out of the giant. It seems she already told her grandmoter about him but maybe that don't count sincer she only talkes to Heddy and she dead anyway. I look forward to more.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much. No, Nonni doesn't count. Nonni is more of a Jiminey Cricket conscience. Thanks for this. Gretchen
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice chapter. I remember locking my lips. Hah!
I know I shouldn't but my feet - I would put a comma after 'shouldn't'.
brick wall behind the school, she was smiling - maybe a period or semicolon instead of a comma?
We don't get a lot of new people " - missing ending period
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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Nice chapter. I remember locking my lips. Hah!
I know I shouldn't but my feet - I would put a comma after 'shouldn't'.
brick wall behind the school, she was smiling - maybe a period or semicolon instead of a comma?
We don't get a lot of new people " - missing ending period
Best wishes.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Wayne. I appreciate the nice review and the edits. Gretchen
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A beautiful chapter, Gretchen, too quickly read. I was immersed in that beach scene and loved the conversation between the giant and Heddy. The tentative relationship has memories for me of Home Alone and Kevin's intimidated response to his neighbour. You really manage to get inside this young girl with her irrepressible curiosity tempered only by her distracting observations of nature. This is fun and infused with mystery and spiritual significance. I'm enjoying it. Thanks for sharing Debbie
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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A beautiful chapter, Gretchen, too quickly read. I was immersed in that beach scene and loved the conversation between the giant and Heddy. The tentative relationship has memories for me of Home Alone and Kevin's intimidated response to his neighbour. You really manage to get inside this young girl with her irrepressible curiosity tempered only by her distracting observations of nature. This is fun and infused with mystery and spiritual significance. I'm enjoying it. Thanks for sharing Debbie
Comment Written 05-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much. It's fun to be a child again. Distractions are the norm and wonder is everywhere you turn. Appreciate the encouraging review. Gretchen
Comment from Navada
I'm continuing to enjoy following Heddy's adventures and will look forward to discovering Artie's true mission. Interesting backstory about Willis as well. What is Heddy short for?
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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I'm continuing to enjoy following Heddy's adventures and will look forward to discovering Artie's true mission. Interesting backstory about Willis as well. What is Heddy short for?
Comment Written 05-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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No idea what Heddy is short for. This is how she introduced herself to me. Lol. Thank you for this. Gretchen
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Ha! I completely understand! Sometimes these characters boss us around, don't they? :)
Comment from Janis M.
Only reviewing this chapter by itself out of context, it is still really good. (I have not read the other chapters yet)
I think the dialogue and narration is age appropriate for the perspective of the narrator and the tense that it is written in. Some writers write in a voice that doesn't match the age of the narrator or in a tense that doesn't make sense.
The dialogue was well written and that tends to be a weak point for many. The conversation between Artie and the narrator especially was very intriguing.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Only reviewing this chapter by itself out of context, it is still really good. (I have not read the other chapters yet)
I think the dialogue and narration is age appropriate for the perspective of the narrator and the tense that it is written in. Some writers write in a voice that doesn't match the age of the narrator or in a tense that doesn't make sense.
The dialogue was well written and that tends to be a weak point for many. The conversation between Artie and the narrator especially was very intriguing.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Thank you. I am drawn to dialogue driven stories. I'm glad you liked it and hope you come back for more. Gretchen
Comment from Wendy G
He seems harmless then, and good-natured. So the mystery deepens. Who is he and why is he there? I know you will tease out the story a bit longer (or a lot longer) before we find out. Nicely written!
Wendy
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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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He seems harmless then, and good-natured. So the mystery deepens. Who is he and why is he there? I know you will tease out the story a bit longer (or a lot longer) before we find out. Nicely written!
Wendy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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As you well know, I never know the whole story until it unfolds in front of me. Thank you, Wendy. Gretchen
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You are building really good images of Heddy and Artie. Both are special kinds of people. I assume Artie isn't one of the enemy because Heddy does not notice an accent, and she would. Since you let us know a war is on, could Artie be a draft dogger? This is a very enjoyable story.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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You are building really good images of Heddy and Artie. Both are special kinds of people. I assume Artie isn't one of the enemy because Heddy does not notice an accent, and she would. Since you let us know a war is on, could Artie be a draft dogger? This is a very enjoyable story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Honestly, Carol, I don't know his story yet. But I like him. Thank you for this. Gretchen
