Quick Reads
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The Evil in the Window"A Flash Fiction Collection
30 total reviews
Comment from Wy Jung
Oh my word. WHAT?
That is some intense stuff right there. Completely unpredicted. I love it. I just don't see this caliber of writing here. I had to bookmark it for reference later. I see nothing that 'needs work' ...except maybe that kid in the window.
Wow. Following you now. Need to see what else you have here.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
  |
Oh my word. WHAT?
That is some intense stuff right there. Completely unpredicted. I love it. I just don't see this caliber of writing here. I had to bookmark it for reference later. I see nothing that 'needs work' ...except maybe that kid in the window.
Wow. Following you now. Need to see what else you have here.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from Begin Again
Virtual 6 stars and definitely an A+. I so wish I could award the story with what it deserves. Unfortunately, the story line hit so close to home, it stung. I fear my granddaughter will be haunted by her lies too. But maybe not, so far she seems to rise above them.
Awesome story with a real knockout for an ending.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
 |
Virtual 6 stars and definitely an A+. I so wish I could award the story with what it deserves. Unfortunately, the story line hit so close to home, it stung. I fear my granddaughter will be haunted by her lies too. But maybe not, so far she seems to rise above them.
Awesome story with a real knockout for an ending.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
-
Thank you very much, Carol.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your description is creating a movie in my mind just a little thing of running with the short legs . There is an irony here violence is that a solution for teaching lessons about bullying. No no No in higher pitched tones: "Almost too afraid to speak to the demon wearing my father's skin, I took a step back, and with one badly trembling finger, pointed to the blue house next to ours. "Bobby lives over there." OMG...what an excellent story. Goosebumps. "How do I tell my father, he traded twenty-five years for an evil child's five dollar lie? They say evil people go to prison. Sometimes, they don't. Sometimes, they just sit in the window." A+ for sure. This is something you should be able to submit for a magazine. I have a whole list of magazines taking submissions. Whoa, I hope you know what a masterpiece you have here.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
|
Your description is creating a movie in my mind just a little thing of running with the short legs . There is an irony here violence is that a solution for teaching lessons about bullying. No no No in higher pitched tones: "Almost too afraid to speak to the demon wearing my father's skin, I took a step back, and with one badly trembling finger, pointed to the blue house next to ours. "Bobby lives over there." OMG...what an excellent story. Goosebumps. "How do I tell my father, he traded twenty-five years for an evil child's five dollar lie? They say evil people go to prison. Sometimes, they don't. Sometimes, they just sit in the window." A+ for sure. This is something you should be able to submit for a magazine. I have a whole list of magazines taking submissions. Whoa, I hope you know what a masterpiece you have here.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
-
Thank you very much, Liz.
-
Your writing talent really showed up in this one
Comment from jim vecchio
It seems we both wrote stories about young girls, but vastly different ones. I enjoyed this immensely. A little lie can go a long way, as this proved. Thank you for posting. Keep up your great writing!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
|
It seems we both wrote stories about young girls, but vastly different ones. I enjoyed this immensely. A little lie can go a long way, as this proved. Thank you for posting. Keep up your great writing!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
-
Thank you very much, Jim. You are so right. Lies are usually how all bad things begin.
-
But the Truth is, you're a great writer!
Comment from Jesse James Doty
Wow. This story about evil sitting in a window is so compelling that even though I abhor violence I read through to the powerful ending on the edge of my seat in this extremely well-told tale of how a lie can go so very wrong in a flash of an eye. I felt startled by the conclusion and thought to myself, how many times have I lied as a child just to take it back when it grew and festered into a huge lie that no amount of truth could ever soothe the beast of a father angry at a bully? I hope I never have to answer that personal question. Heavy message.
Jesse
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
|
Wow. This story about evil sitting in a window is so compelling that even though I abhor violence I read through to the powerful ending on the edge of my seat in this extremely well-told tale of how a lie can go so very wrong in a flash of an eye. I felt startled by the conclusion and thought to myself, how many times have I lied as a child just to take it back when it grew and festered into a huge lie that no amount of truth could ever soothe the beast of a father angry at a bully? I hope I never have to answer that personal question. Heavy message.
Jesse
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
-
Thank you very much, Jesse.
Comment from Navada
There is some really powerful commentary here about the unexpected and unforeseen implications of childhood decisions. The ending works really well and causes all of us to consider our own choices.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
|
There is some really powerful commentary here about the unexpected and unforeseen implications of childhood decisions. The ending works really well and causes all of us to consider our own choices.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from Wendy G
My goodness - that ending! Superb twist. Typical of what some children do, but what unforeseen consequences - a violent father jailed appropriately for his excessive over-reaction, and the child's guilt, as well as an innocent man's face being smashed to pulp. Excellent writing.
Wendy
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
|
My goodness - that ending! Superb twist. Typical of what some children do, but what unforeseen consequences - a violent father jailed appropriately for his excessive over-reaction, and the child's guilt, as well as an innocent man's face being smashed to pulp. Excellent writing.
Wendy
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
-
Thank you very much, Wendy.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I have no sixes left. I have read some good stuff this week. This had two nice twists in it. You kept me on my toes. Wrong house, and wrong young culprit.
This is a very good story. Karen
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
|
I have no sixes left. I have read some good stuff this week. This had two nice twists in it. You kept me on my toes. Wrong house, and wrong young culprit.
This is a very good story. Karen
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
-
Thank you very much, Karen.
-
Can we have more please? I have been reading several books a week for 65 years. I am 68. And, it is rare when I don't know everything in advance. I loved that you surprised me. Kudos and best wishes. Karen :-)
-
U R Welcome Karen
Comment from Jim Wile
Nice story with a great surprise ending. Poor little kid, thinking herself evil, though, for a childish lie about what happened to her money. It was wrong, and punishable, but not evil per se. Just typical behavior of a child.
The dad, though, he got what he deserved. That man was dangerous, and his action was way out of proportion to the purported offense. Hopefully it will teach his daughter not to lie.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
|
Nice story with a great surprise ending. Poor little kid, thinking herself evil, though, for a childish lie about what happened to her money. It was wrong, and punishable, but not evil per se. Just typical behavior of a child.
The dad, though, he got what he deserved. That man was dangerous, and his action was way out of proportion to the purported offense. Hopefully it will teach his daughter not to lie.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
-
Thank you very much, Jim. I agree, she's not evil.
Comment from Annmuma
Excellent contest entry. The characters are well defined, as are the scenes painted. I found spag and certainly the story is complete. Good writing and good luck in the contest. ann
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
|
Excellent contest entry. The characters are well defined, as are the scenes painted. I found spag and certainly the story is complete. Good writing and good luck in the contest. ann
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
-
Thank you very much, Ann.