Twas the Night Before Christmas
A young mans encounter with a woman evokes lost memories.32 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
Welcome to FanStory, the site where writers help writers grow. This is a beautiful, heartwarming Christmas story with a message of caring about the welfare of others. I loved that a concerned 'old lady' witnessed a despondent young man alone on Christmas eve, and welcomed him into her home with baking that reminded him his deceased mother. Beautiful story. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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Welcome to FanStory, the site where writers help writers grow. This is a beautiful, heartwarming Christmas story with a message of caring about the welfare of others. I loved that a concerned 'old lady' witnessed a despondent young man alone on Christmas eve, and welcomed him into her home with baking that reminded him his deceased mother. Beautiful story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much for your review!
Comment from lyenochka
This is a wonderful Christmas story! I like how you wove everything together, the missing of Mom and the meeting with a maternal figure who made the same dessert. I especially like how you said "A candied smell filled my nostrils," instead of "I smelled". Best wishes in the contest and welcome to Fanstory! A great first post!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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This is a wonderful Christmas story! I like how you wove everything together, the missing of Mom and the meeting with a maternal figure who made the same dessert. I especially like how you said "A candied smell filled my nostrils," instead of "I smelled". Best wishes in the contest and welcome to Fanstory! A great first post!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much! Much appreciated :)
Comment from jlsavell
AustenYu,
This is an exceptionally written piece of work. Impressive for your age. The storyline line very well developed.
Moving story. I can certainly tell how much family, Christmas, and even writing, mean to you. Keep up the phenomenal work and remember this
High praises should never make you believe you have reached the pinnacle of great writing. Even the best writer can always improve. Do not let praise stumble you but continue to strive for the best.
My motto- The enemy of the 'best' is the 'good'.
Love your story.
Jlsavell
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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AustenYu,
This is an exceptionally written piece of work. Impressive for your age. The storyline line very well developed.
Moving story. I can certainly tell how much family, Christmas, and even writing, mean to you. Keep up the phenomenal work and remember this
High praises should never make you believe you have reached the pinnacle of great writing. Even the best writer can always improve. Do not let praise stumble you but continue to strive for the best.
My motto- The enemy of the 'best' is the 'good'.
Love your story.
Jlsavell
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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Thank you so so so much for the high rating! Much appreciated, and have a very merry Christmas!
Comment from Yardier
WOW, what a wonderful story! One can't help but take a breath of the melancholy between the lines and then, joyful solution.
8th grade!! You are on the right track. God has blessed you.
You write beyond your years.
Merry Christmas.
Yard
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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WOW, what a wonderful story! One can't help but take a breath of the melancholy between the lines and then, joyful solution.
8th grade!! You are on the right track. God has blessed you.
You write beyond your years.
Merry Christmas.
Yard
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much, Mr. Yard. Good bless you and happy holidays!
Comment from jmdg1954
Well, author, your first post will be a memorable one.
I thoroughly enjoyed your story and the turn of events for this poor lost soul.
He stumbled upon a good family who without hesitation opened their doors to him, a stranger!
Something we do not see today for the most part. Well, it never makes the news anyway.
Welcome to FanStory.
My name is John and I hope to see more of your work going forward.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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Well, author, your first post will be a memorable one.
I thoroughly enjoyed your story and the turn of events for this poor lost soul.
He stumbled upon a good family who without hesitation opened their doors to him, a stranger!
Something we do not see today for the most part. Well, it never makes the news anyway.
Welcome to FanStory.
My name is John and I hope to see more of your work going forward.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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Hi John, thanks for your lovely review!!
Comment from Jacob1395
This was a beautiful piece. It is true that terrible things seem to happen to really good people. I thought this story was really heart warming in the end. I thought your writing was well written and flowed really well. I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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This was a beautiful piece. It is true that terrible things seem to happen to really good people. I thought this story was really heart warming in the end. I thought your writing was well written and flowed really well. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much Jacob, and happy holidays!
Comment from Tetamarina66
This story is very well written. You are a very good writer. I feel you are a better writer than I am to be.
You are quite the storyteller.
I am going to check out your other works
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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This story is very well written. You are a very good writer. I feel you are a better writer than I am to be.
You are quite the storyteller.
I am going to check out your other works
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much for your extremely high rating and nice words! You are an exceptional writer too, I have seen some of your work! Happy holidays!
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Thanks for the compliment
Comment from Janis M.
This reminds me a little bit of PTSD. While it could literally be happening, it could also be his memories mingling in with reality. The cake might not have actually tasted like his mother's, but the intensity of the emotions brought the taste and smell back to mind where he truly believed he was.
It's a great story. Also welcome!
My only suggestion would be to place a page break or some lines just to make it easier for the reader to recognize the location and time change between being outside to being inside. It was easy enough to figure out a few words in, but it does make the mental transition easier.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2023
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This reminds me a little bit of PTSD. While it could literally be happening, it could also be his memories mingling in with reality. The cake might not have actually tasted like his mother's, but the intensity of the emotions brought the taste and smell back to mind where he truly believed he was.
It's a great story. Also welcome!
My only suggestion would be to place a page break or some lines just to make it easier for the reader to recognize the location and time change between being outside to being inside. It was easy enough to figure out a few words in, but it does make the mental transition easier.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2023
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Thank you for your kind words and feedback! I will try to fix it :))
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Austin, I am amazed by your story. No wonder my mother's poem seemed to hit a sad spot with you. I am truly sorry that your mom died so young. And I also dreamed some strange dreams when mine left me, but she also appeared to me, which they say is quite possible before they cross over. She came to me the second night., but when I reached out for her she disappeared. It was not a dream, but I did have many dreams about her after.
It was a lovely first milestone and I look forward to reading many more wonderful posts from you, and I thank you for sharing this one with us.
I do have to say that when I first came here I thought I knew something about writing. After all I had been doing it all my life. However, since then and in the last few years, I have gotten the best education just by listening to all the feedback and kept plucking away. And then, day by day it just keeps getting better and better.
I look forward to watching you grow, since you have a darn good start, my friend.
Best of luck, Austin and don't forget my offer to help if you need anything. I don't know if you notice, but I am proud to say I am your first fan. I think we will be great friends.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2023
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Austin, I am amazed by your story. No wonder my mother's poem seemed to hit a sad spot with you. I am truly sorry that your mom died so young. And I also dreamed some strange dreams when mine left me, but she also appeared to me, which they say is quite possible before they cross over. She came to me the second night., but when I reached out for her she disappeared. It was not a dream, but I did have many dreams about her after.
It was a lovely first milestone and I look forward to reading many more wonderful posts from you, and I thank you for sharing this one with us.
I do have to say that when I first came here I thought I knew something about writing. After all I had been doing it all my life. However, since then and in the last few years, I have gotten the best education just by listening to all the feedback and kept plucking away. And then, day by day it just keeps getting better and better.
I look forward to watching you grow, since you have a darn good start, my friend.
Best of luck, Austin and don't forget my offer to help if you need anything. I don't know if you notice, but I am proud to say I am your first fan. I think we will be great friends.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2023
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Awww you are the sweetest person I?ve met so far on FanStory so far!! I will definitely be one of your fans if you let me know how to subscribe to you (granted I?m new here :)).
Sometimes life is hard with all the emotions surrounding me, and I wanted my first new short stories/poems to reflect that. I do hope to write about other topics in the future though!
Thank you so much for your kind words, and supporting me! 😁😁
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You are so sweet. Yes, if you click on my name anyplace here, it will take you to my profile. Click on my picture and to the left you will see a list of things. One will say, become a fan, or something like that. And if you can't see anything with my name on it, go up to community on top of the page. Drag that down to find a member. Click on the D and then find my name. It may be overwhelming now, but it will click in no time at all. I will help in any way I can. Thanks so much, my awesome friend.
Comment from patcelaw
First off, I would like to welcome you to fan story. It is a pleasure to have you here and I hope that we will be able to help you when it comes to your writing. Your writing is very good in the story and I enjoyed it very much, it flows well when it is read aloud I wish for you a very merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous new year. Patricia.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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First off, I would like to welcome you to fan story. It is a pleasure to have you here and I hope that we will be able to help you when it comes to your writing. Your writing is very good in the story and I enjoyed it very much, it flows well when it is read aloud I wish for you a very merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous new year. Patricia.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Thank you Patricia, and Happy Holidays to you as well!