Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Camouflage"Biography/Supernatural
20 total reviews
Comment from Lisasview
Hello again dearest Lea,
Oh my goodness... just found this one... I need to go back and read each one in order as of course some things are not clear to me now...
Once i find the time I will.
I think it is great that you can write about all this,
Lisa
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Hello again dearest Lea,
Oh my goodness... just found this one... I need to go back and read each one in order as of course some things are not clear to me now...
Once i find the time I will.
I think it is great that you can write about all this,
Lisa
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you again, Lisa, I find it is a good and healthy way to get all this stuff out. My life has been chaos at best so I offered up to the world as a teaching tool and as away from me to heal. So yes, thank you again very much. Don't get too cold out there Wear a good jacket!
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I have loads of friends that have written books about their childhood as a way to let go...
Seems to help,
Lisa
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice movement. And well written.
S said their phone was disconnected". - S??? (Someone???)
15 and can't come home. Dad needs a lesson taught to him.
Good luck with the project.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Nice movement. And well written.
S said their phone was disconnected". - S??? (Someone???)
15 and can't come home. Dad needs a lesson taught to him.
Good luck with the project.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Hi Wayne, yes, I had 2 characters in here called sad friend and mad French. I was asked to reduce that to s a** m, so it's not so redundant. Listening to sad friend or mad friend all the time so that is the reason for the s. M is the other one. Should put a little note in there about that and you're right, Dad does need a lesson for sure! Wayne thank you again! I appreciate you!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Ah, that warmth of the bus and the lights shining through the window are so vividly described, I was sitting there with you, Lea. You absolutely captured the scene of that ride, the relief and the succumbing to this new setting. There was safety and care from the driver but you still had to manage the situation and request that he alert you when your stop was due. Your ragged, vulnerable self is in sharp contrast to the harsh and cruel words of your stepfather and, if I could punch him, I would! This is truly immersive drama here, Lea, and you should feel proud. Not sure what "S said their phone was disconnected means.." Could this be improved or omitted? But, as ever, excellent! Debbie x
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Ah, that warmth of the bus and the lights shining through the window are so vividly described, I was sitting there with you, Lea. You absolutely captured the scene of that ride, the relief and the succumbing to this new setting. There was safety and care from the driver but you still had to manage the situation and request that he alert you when your stop was due. Your ragged, vulnerable self is in sharp contrast to the harsh and cruel words of your stepfather and, if I could punch him, I would! This is truly immersive drama here, Lea, and you should feel proud. Not sure what "S said their phone was disconnected means.." Could this be improved or omitted? But, as ever, excellent! Debbie x
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Debbie so much. The s refers to my sad friend. The m refers to my mad friend rather than type. Sad friend and mad friend all the time. I opted for s and an m instead. Yeah, i'd like to punch the creep out too I certainly can I'm not that child anymore. The grandmother was Not the rescuer, but the reason, so what get into that? Yes, indeed, the rabbit hole goes so deep. It goes all the way to negligence causing an almost death. Yes, the rabbit hole is deep, thank you. We'll talk again soon. I appreciate you hanging in there and reading with me. All the valuable things you say are great and well appreciate and well appreciated, have an awesome night!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
I think a little foreshadowing would work here after your grandmother's response...as in a little "clue" as to why this woman, who seems so unlikely a person for such a task, would (a) suggest social services and (b) know exactly how to go about instituting a rescue and also have those means at her disposal. When your readers pick up on that morsel, the story ramps into high gear. They will blink at the horrored realization that the prison of your home life was two-fold.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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I think a little foreshadowing would work here after your grandmother's response...as in a little "clue" as to why this woman, who seems so unlikely a person for such a task, would (a) suggest social services and (b) know exactly how to go about instituting a rescue and also have those means at her disposal. When your readers pick up on that morsel, the story ramps into high gear. They will blink at the horrored realization that the prison of your home life was two-fold.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Yes, I took your advice I went ahead and made some changes. I added a paragraph about my grandmother. I made it kind of a little bit elusive by saying that the rabbit hole is very deep. Like I have in other comments but in the story. I put in a line that goes something like she's not the rescuer, she is the reason. Thank you again for fine with you you're amazing just so you know thanks again!
Comment from JSD
Relief and kindness at last. How lovely that some were able to unconditionally give you aid and love. I hope we are nearing a happier time.
John x
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Relief and kindness at last. How lovely that some were able to unconditionally give you aid and love. I hope we are nearing a happier time.
John x
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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I'm coming up to a break in the madness and chaos. I stayed with my grandmother and grand father for a while but during that break, I found out some dangerous and deceitful things...in some ways I had gone from the pan to the fire. But a break from physical pain yes. Thank you again John! I appreciate you!
Comment from Jim Wile
You made it out of the woods, Lea. Let's just hope the real world isn't more dangerous for you. I think your stepfather did you a favor by not wanting you to come home, for that environment seems more dangerous than the woods. Hopefully you can now catch a break, and the social worker won't just try to send you back home. Someone other than your family needs to care for you, even if it's a foster home.
You have painted a complete picture of abject misery: shivering, wet, feverish, wounds all over, a caved-in feeling in your stomach, no one to care about you. How does a young girl survive that with her sanity intact the way you did? I'm in awe of you! - Jim
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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You made it out of the woods, Lea. Let's just hope the real world isn't more dangerous for you. I think your stepfather did you a favor by not wanting you to come home, for that environment seems more dangerous than the woods. Hopefully you can now catch a break, and the social worker won't just try to send you back home. Someone other than your family needs to care for you, even if it's a foster home.
You have painted a complete picture of abject misery: shivering, wet, feverish, wounds all over, a caved-in feeling in your stomach, no one to care about you. How does a young girl survive that with her sanity intact the way you did? I'm in awe of you! - Jim
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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And I never felt very brave or very smart through at all. I was scared all the time that was not indicative of prayer to me but emotions can be confusing. I did not come out unscathed. I had scars.
But I have worked so hard In my adult years to resolve these things, too. Come to some sort of conclusion to set it aside. Put it on the shelf. This is my last kick. When the writing is done so with this whole long chapter of my life be done too I will be able to turn away. Thank you very much, Jim, for your kindness and for your great comments and for hanging in there with me. I hope you're night is amazing!
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Lea, I sincerely hope you've been achieving the well-deserved catharsis from sharing your story with us. I like how you say when you are done with the story, you'll be able to put it on a shelf and turn away from it and not let it shape the rest of your life.
Although you may never have felt very smart or brave through the ordeal of your youth, I hope you can now see that you were both. You never panicked, but kept your wits about you and problem solved. I don't think a lot of young people in your position would have come through what you did to survive.
Comment from BethShelby
It sounds like there is hope for a rescue. I guess since the man doesn't want you to come home, the social worker can't force him to take you. I think almost anywhere would be better than where you've been. I anxiously awaiting the next chapter.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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It sounds like there is hope for a rescue. I guess since the man doesn't want you to come home, the social worker can't force him to take you. I think almost anywhere would be better than where you've been. I anxiously awaiting the next chapter.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Yes, you're right about that anywhere it was better than being with him. That's why it was such a mixed feelings when I called. No meant, I didn't have to deal with his abuse but also meant I would be cold. Yes meant I would have to deal with his abuse. But I would be warm so either answer held its fears.
That's why my grandmother popped into my head. Thank you so much again, that's happy to see you here. As always. Don't let the bed bugs bite LOL.
Comment from damommy
What a kind bus driver he was. You were lucky there. Hopefully, the social worker didn't send you back home. Still don't know about your sister. i wonder what happened to her.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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What a kind bus driver he was. You were lucky there. Hopefully, the social worker didn't send you back home. Still don't know about your sister. i wonder what happened to her.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Hi, thank you so much for writing and reading and offering your comments. And asking your questions brilliant, really, all of it! With one question answered, 6 more questions appear. That's what it was growing up and just that particular aspect I had to play private investigator to figure out what was happening but I did oh yeah, and that's coming up thank you so much again for reading I appreciate you hanging in there with me going on the journey have a great evening!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This sounds like the bus driver was more attuned to your needs than the stepfather, by far. I noticed a little thing to fix:
"Hello Oma"
I would put some punctuation in there, like:
"Hello, Oma?" The ending shows a definite feeling of disconnection and perhaps the beginning of disassociation and alienation.
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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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This sounds like the bus driver was more attuned to your needs than the stepfather, by far. I noticed a little thing to fix:
"Hello Oma"
I would put some punctuation in there, like:
"Hello, Oma?" The ending shows a definite feeling of disconnection and perhaps the beginning of disassociation and alienation.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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You are an incredibly smart lady WOW, There was a danger of becoming completely disassociation. I have a few scars but I'm aware of them. And I shave them down a little bit more every time I share. Thank you so much, I'm gonna go ahead and make those corrections. I so appreciate you pointing them out, They are gold. Yes! I hope you're having an amazing day or evening wherever you're at! Thanks again!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
How awful that you were refused any refuge at home, how very sad humanity is Lea. Your Stepfather has no empathy or mercy. The bus drive was kind and showed you more tenderness than your own family, how sad life is Lea, another fine chapter, love Dolly x
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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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How awful that you were refused any refuge at home, how very sad humanity is Lea. Your Stepfather has no empathy or mercy. The bus drive was kind and showed you more tenderness than your own family, how sad life is Lea, another fine chapter, love Dolly x
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Dolly as usual, your insight is dead on! I think because you've had some similar experiences. You know, the roller coaster ride and can relate to the feelings. It's a good thing I didn't know. Then what I know now you see? The rabbit hole goes very, very deep. All the way to attempted murder. I shall write about that too. Thank you again, Dolly!