Me. Her. Him
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Me. Her. Him - Chapter One "A hidden past, a devastating truth.
20 total reviews
Comment from Navada
I like the way you've established the story here and provided us with a clear context of Angela's workplace. We get a sense of her family and the threat that William and his secret information pose for her. Thanks for the share - I've now read some later installments but hadn't read earlier chapters, so this is helpful.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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I like the way you've established the story here and provided us with a clear context of Angela's workplace. We get a sense of her family and the threat that William and his secret information pose for her. Thanks for the share - I've now read some later installments but hadn't read earlier chapters, so this is helpful.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Maybe, Alto pilot is British speak for autopilot. Paragraph three.
I am confused throughout. You're a guy, right? But the primary characters are women save for William, which I am being led to believe is someone from the bosses past she'd rather not have in her life.
Have I got this right?
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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Maybe, Alto pilot is British speak for autopilot. Paragraph three.
I am confused throughout. You're a guy, right? But the primary characters are women save for William, which I am being led to believe is someone from the bosses past she'd rather not have in her life.
Have I got this right?
Comment Written 30-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2023
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Yes the primary characters a women. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Janis M.
This is a really interesting perspective for a story. The first person perspective but told in present tense. The dialogue sounds natural and doesn't feel forced.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2023
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This is a really interesting perspective for a story. The first person perspective but told in present tense. The dialogue sounds natural and doesn't feel forced.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2023
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Thank you Janis. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from karenina
How courageous to begin here with a book! I sense writing has been an avocation for you, and the construct of this first chapter reinforces that...
Is this new writing for you? Are you sharing chapter by chapter something you have completed?
You have an easy cadence that I find very welcoming...
Off to read chapter two!
Karenina
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
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How courageous to begin here with a book! I sense writing has been an avocation for you, and the construct of this first chapter reinforces that...
Is this new writing for you? Are you sharing chapter by chapter something you have completed?
You have an easy cadence that I find very welcoming...
Off to read chapter two!
Karenina
Comment Written 08-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
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Hi Karenina, yes the book is completed, just in the editing stages at the moment. Thank you!
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Very good! I can't stop thinking where you are going with this...
Comment from eliz100
This is a good first chapter. You keep me wanting to see what happens next. There is a line that doesn't flow well for me, "not wanting to meet anyone in the eye." Maybe, not wanting to look anyone in the eyes. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
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This is a good first chapter. You keep me wanting to see what happens next. There is a line that doesn't flow well for me, "not wanting to meet anyone in the eye." Maybe, not wanting to look anyone in the eyes. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023
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Thank you. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Congratulations on your first post. I enjoyed reading and can't wait for more. Interesting story line. I will also fan you, so I don't miss any.
It's Monday morning. I'm late to work. (I'd combine this for a smoother read, It's Monday morning and late to work.)
I'd gone to the hairdressers at the weekend, (hairdresser over the weekend)
although she's complained about near enough every guy she's me (you can omit 'enough')
I look off to my left (you can omit 'off', it's not needed)
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Congratulations on your first post. I enjoyed reading and can't wait for more. Interesting story line. I will also fan you, so I don't miss any.
It's Monday morning. I'm late to work. (I'd combine this for a smoother read, It's Monday morning and late to work.)
I'd gone to the hairdressers at the weekend, (hairdresser over the weekend)
although she's complained about near enough every guy she's me (you can omit 'enough')
I look off to my left (you can omit 'off', it's not needed)
Comment Written 23-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Thank you Barbara, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it. I?m just finding my feat here at the moment, but I?m enjoying it here so far.
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Please keep writing. You have a good story going. My only suggestion would be to edit carefully and leave out unnecessary words.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Interesting.We want to know what he did to you. What is he to you? Why have you been running? Why are you so afraid of? The small office was good for the first set up, but I feel there wasn't enough build up and background, to bring in the enemy yet.
Good writing though. Karen
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Interesting.We want to know what he did to you. What is he to you? Why have you been running? Why are you so afraid of? The small office was good for the first set up, but I feel there wasn't enough build up and background, to bring in the enemy yet.
Good writing though. Karen
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Thank you Karen. I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
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I fanned you so I can get your stories in my box. I review one for one. Karen
Comment from prettybluebirds
You need a comma after Kirsty. eg. Hi, Kirsty, good weekend? The word (cosy) in American English is most often spelled (cozy). Cosy is the British version. This sounds like the beginning of an interesting story. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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You need a comma after Kirsty. eg. Hi, Kirsty, good weekend? The word (cosy) in American English is most often spelled (cozy). Cosy is the British version. This sounds like the beginning of an interesting story. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Thank you for your review, it is written in UK English. I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from PteGIJane
You have a good storyline that will be intriguing to most people. The only criticism is that you have some run on sentences and grammatical errors. Once you clean that up and refine your sentence structure your story will flow nicely.
ie one sentence revised:
I went to the hairdresser on the weekend and now due to the rain, my hair is going to be ruined.
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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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You have a good storyline that will be intriguing to most people. The only criticism is that you have some run on sentences and grammatical errors. Once you clean that up and refine your sentence structure your story will flow nicely.
ie one sentence revised:
I went to the hairdresser on the weekend and now due to the rain, my hair is going to be ruined.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Thank you. I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Hello Jacob, this is a brave start to your journey on Fanstory and I welcome you to our community. I have just one suggestion for you with this story and that is to end it with the fact that it is (him), this will leave your reader with the yearn to read your next chapter. You will received lots of advice on your writing here and I wish you luck, love Dolly x
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Hello Jacob, this is a brave start to your journey on Fanstory and I welcome you to our community. I have just one suggestion for you with this story and that is to end it with the fact that it is (him), this will leave your reader with the yearn to read your next chapter. You will received lots of advice on your writing here and I wish you luck, love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Thank you Dolly. I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.