Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Time"Biography/Supernatural
11 total reviews
Comment from Rachelle Allen
This feels like two chapters to me. The first is the one about your lack of emotions survival skill for home that deadened your instincts for the outside world. These incidents are very important, yet they felt a little "side-stepped" to me. I'd have loved for you to elaborate on those scenarios more. They give the reader a much fuller picture of your life.The second chapter would then be the move into your new school. Also, a reminder to your readers before the sugar incident about your sister's need to act as the "teller" of your transgressions as a way to feel more accepted by your stepfather would help us understand her more and not feel animosity there. I remember from earlier chapters that you didn't blame her, but reading that, I was feeling a lot of anger toward her, myself. Your interceding on her behalf again to us, your readers, I think, is important there.
These are all things that can be tweaked in the edit and re-write phase of this process, though. For now, getting it all out is the perfect way to go, and you're doing a tremendous job of it. I'm so proud of you and impressed. xo
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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This feels like two chapters to me. The first is the one about your lack of emotions survival skill for home that deadened your instincts for the outside world. These incidents are very important, yet they felt a little "side-stepped" to me. I'd have loved for you to elaborate on those scenarios more. They give the reader a much fuller picture of your life.The second chapter would then be the move into your new school. Also, a reminder to your readers before the sugar incident about your sister's need to act as the "teller" of your transgressions as a way to feel more accepted by your stepfather would help us understand her more and not feel animosity there. I remember from earlier chapters that you didn't blame her, but reading that, I was feeling a lot of anger toward her, myself. Your interceding on her behalf again to us, your readers, I think, is important there.
These are all things that can be tweaked in the edit and re-write phase of this process, though. For now, getting it all out is the perfect way to go, and you're doing a tremendous job of it. I'm so proud of you and impressed. xo
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you again so very much Rachelle!
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You're welcome! xo