Would You Look at That
A Chloe and Mindy Story26 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
I wish I had read this when my grandson was still here. Then I could give you a real child's perspective. But he likes sci-fi stuff like "Gravity" so I'm not sure what he would do with talking dogs.
But I enjoyed it - especially breaking out into rhymes to tell the Romeo and Juliet story about Salty and Cece!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
  |
I wish I had read this when my grandson was still here. Then I could give you a real child's perspective. But he likes sci-fi stuff like "Gravity" so I'm not sure what he would do with talking dogs.
But I enjoyed it - especially breaking out into rhymes to tell the Romeo and Juliet story about Salty and Cece!
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
-
Thank you, Helen for this great review and 6 stars!
Always appreciated. Sorry for the late response. Busy weekend at work.
John
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a really cute story that most kids would love, especially since Mindy speaks in rhyme. It might be a little long for a kids' story. You might want to change the chipmunks short name CePe. Kids might hear it as See Pee. I am looking forward to seeing how Chloe thinks she can fix things.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
 |
This is a really cute story that most kids would love, especially since Mindy speaks in rhyme. It might be a little long for a kids' story. You might want to change the chipmunks short name CePe. Kids might hear it as See Pee. I am looking forward to seeing how Chloe thinks she can fix things.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
-
Thank you Carol. I appreciate and notate your suggestion.
Cheers,
John
Comment from Julie Helms
This is a lovely children's story! I love how you've developed the characters, and how they had this whole world with drama and emotion and ups and downs going on behind the humans backs! Very nicely done.
Chloe is an six-year-old (a)
Thanks for sharing! Julie
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
|
This is a lovely children's story! I love how you've developed the characters, and how they had this whole world with drama and emotion and ups and downs going on behind the humans backs! Very nicely done.
Chloe is an six-year-old (a)
Thanks for sharing! Julie
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
-
Thank you, Julie. I appreciate your positivity.
I will make the correction. Good eye!
John
Comment from Wendy G
I think children would enjoy this story in a poem, or poem within a story. But perhaps larger font, but not bold. It sometimes helps if the characters speak with different coloured fonts or different fonts too.
I liked the way you left te reader wanting more - and children would definitely want to turn the page ... Well done.
Wendy
Edit: Chloe is an (a) six-year-old Brittany Spaniel
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
|
I think children would enjoy this story in a poem, or poem within a story. But perhaps larger font, but not bold. It sometimes helps if the characters speak with different coloured fonts or different fonts too.
I liked the way you left te reader wanting more - and children would definitely want to turn the page ... Well done.
Wendy
Edit: Chloe is an (a) six-year-old Brittany Spaniel
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
-
Wendy. Thank you for reading and the positive thoughts and suggestions.
I will notate them for a rewrite.
Thank you,
John
Comment from Daylily
I think this is a cute story and should appeal to children. They like reading about animals and yours are personified and talk in easy-to-understand rhyme. The only suggestion I have for you to consider is this:
a wet charcoal black nose -- charcoal black is a bit redundant. Maybe just consider: a wet black nose
I am glad you are getting to your goal. It relieves anxiety to be doing what we want to be doing. :-)
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
|
I think this is a cute story and should appeal to children. They like reading about animals and yours are personified and talk in easy-to-understand rhyme. The only suggestion I have for you to consider is this:
a wet charcoal black nose -- charcoal black is a bit redundant. Maybe just consider: a wet black nose
I am glad you are getting to your goal. It relieves anxiety to be doing what we want to be doing. :-)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
-
Wow.
Great review filled with positive feedback.
I certainly appreciate your words and time.
John
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This could go on and on for me. The poetry in the form of story-telling by Mindy, the beagle, is original and fun while Chloe, the Brittany Spaniel, adds the questions and queries. It might be a good idea to introduce the dogs at the start just to set the scene. And, also, maybe, another pic of the dogs looking more alert in conversation:) But I really enjoyed both the poetry and the names of the characters in the yard which, of course, enabled your linguistic skills to come to the fore. This is silly, funny and entertaining for children. They'll need to see an outcome between Saucy and CeCe though and I think Chloe might just have the answer. As you're asking for suggestions, John, what about a slightly larger font and a different colour for the poetry or for each speaker. Thanks for sharing this enchanting story which I think children will enjoy. Debbie
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
|
This could go on and on for me. The poetry in the form of story-telling by Mindy, the beagle, is original and fun while Chloe, the Brittany Spaniel, adds the questions and queries. It might be a good idea to introduce the dogs at the start just to set the scene. And, also, maybe, another pic of the dogs looking more alert in conversation:) But I really enjoyed both the poetry and the names of the characters in the yard which, of course, enabled your linguistic skills to come to the fore. This is silly, funny and entertaining for children. They'll need to see an outcome between Saucy and CeCe though and I think Chloe might just have the answer. As you're asking for suggestions, John, what about a slightly larger font and a different colour for the poetry or for each speaker. Thanks for sharing this enchanting story which I think children will enjoy. Debbie
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
-
Hi Debbie. It?s your middle of the night I believe.
Thank you so much for this great review, positive outlook and suggestions.
I am creating a file to include everyone?s feedback.
You made many valid points which I will look at.
You?re the best!
Thank you,
John
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
It's a good story. If is intended for children, a good lesson could best be understood if the characters were just friends, not getting married, etc.. I would make it simple through a description that one characters parents only want him or her to be friends with their same kind etc, I think these kinds of stories are very good for children and they will relate but it needs to be clear and simple if it is to stick with children. Just my opinion from my Children's Literacy master's degree and 30 years of teaching. I have trouble with this too and I am constantly editing so I hope this will make sense as I have intended it. :)
Animal stories are the best so good wishes with this!!
Alex
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
|
It's a good story. If is intended for children, a good lesson could best be understood if the characters were just friends, not getting married, etc.. I would make it simple through a description that one characters parents only want him or her to be friends with their same kind etc, I think these kinds of stories are very good for children and they will relate but it needs to be clear and simple if it is to stick with children. Just my opinion from my Children's Literacy master's degree and 30 years of teaching. I have trouble with this too and I am constantly editing so I hope this will make sense as I have intended it. :)
Animal stories are the best so good wishes with this!!
Alex
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
-
Hmmm. Let me think this through? Children?s literary masters degree coupled with 30 years of teaching why wouldn?t take your suggestions to heart?
I seriously thank and appreciate you and your time. I?m setting up a file of everyone?s feedback. Your page goes right on top
Thank you so much!
John
-
lol Thank you, John! i only mention it so you wouldn't think I was just some judgmental person, And all that being said, I could also be wrong at any time. I just read you wanted feedback so. I'm glad it helped. :) Alex
-
It?s all appreciated 100%!
Comment from Ben Colder
I see nothing wrong with this. It made me think about the squirrels eating my bird seed all the time ad in no way of stopping the action. It should make a good kid story.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
|
I see nothing wrong with this. It made me think about the squirrels eating my bird seed all the time ad in no way of stopping the action. It should make a good kid story.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
-
Thank you so much, Ben.
John
Comment from Navada
This is so cute! I really like the outlandish names and the blighted love story. I really hope there is some kind of pleasant outcome for Salty and CeCe. :)
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
|
This is so cute! I really like the outlandish names and the blighted love story. I really hope there is some kind of pleasant outcome for Salty and CeCe. :)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
-
Thank you so much for the positive review.
Much appreciated.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entertaining story....it made me laugh :) a fun and creative plot... I like the talking dog. LoL good characters development and plot.
Well done
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
|
Excellent entertaining story....it made me laugh :) a fun and creative plot... I like the talking dog. LoL good characters development and plot.
Well done
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
-
Gypsy.
Thank you for the fine review. I'm glad you enjoyed this one.
John