What a Hundred'll Do
A Quarter That Wouldn't Stay on Julie's Brow36 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I started reading this lengthy story, then for some reason managed to lose it, worried about that and then retrieved it again today! Well worth the read which I thoroughly enjoyed. Such twists and turns and a message of adventure and allowing life to take its course. The tension for me was maintained throughout because I didn't know how far that spirit of adventure would extend. But it was a perfectly measured ending giving the whole story lift and a very pleasing and satisfying pertinence. Thanks for sharing, Jay! Debbie
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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I started reading this lengthy story, then for some reason managed to lose it, worried about that and then retrieved it again today! Well worth the read which I thoroughly enjoyed. Such twists and turns and a message of adventure and allowing life to take its course. The tension for me was maintained throughout because I didn't know how far that spirit of adventure would extend. But it was a perfectly measured ending giving the whole story lift and a very pleasing and satisfying pertinence. Thanks for sharing, Jay! Debbie
Comment Written 29-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Oh, Debbie, you are so kind. And do you know that you are my 26th review? You singlehandedly brought this post out of obscurity to glow in the rarified air of ALL TIME BEST! Have an extra portion of dessert tonight. You deserve it!
Jay
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellently written, of course.
Buster can forever imagine Julie sailing the seas, carefree.
You are right. this one could not have been halved or quartered.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Excellently written, of course.
Buster can forever imagine Julie sailing the seas, carefree.
You are right. this one could not have been halved or quartered.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Thank you, Wayne. Your review means a lot to me.
Comment from Nomar Chagrin
Yes it was long, at least by Fanstory standards, but well worth reading.
The first paragraph set the tone nicely and provided a hook of curiosity to know more. The setting at the gutter was very vivid with the description of the debris flowing through, and the thoughts of the character really deepened the effect.
Then the 1st scene in the pawn shop was artfully done, making for a nice character study between the buyer and seller.
The flashback conversation with Julie was intriguing and enhanced the story a lot.
The second visit to the pawn shop created exquisite tension with the pellet gun. You also molded Autry into something more than just a secondary character. And the back and forth on whether or not it was a robbery or a gift seems ludicrous on the surface, but actually made sense.
Loved the symbolism of the schooner sailing down the gutter and the deep insights like "Once released from human agency it must be pulled along only by the tug of the fates."
Just a few typos easily fixed:
He smiles briefly. "Still" (missing period)
it's not going to kill you ." (space)
Gene Autry's biggest fan . (space)
I have to make a profit. You know . (space)
"Cerberus . But next to it." (space)
I think you might be good at writing screenplays. I could see this developed into a movie.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Yes it was long, at least by Fanstory standards, but well worth reading.
The first paragraph set the tone nicely and provided a hook of curiosity to know more. The setting at the gutter was very vivid with the description of the debris flowing through, and the thoughts of the character really deepened the effect.
Then the 1st scene in the pawn shop was artfully done, making for a nice character study between the buyer and seller.
The flashback conversation with Julie was intriguing and enhanced the story a lot.
The second visit to the pawn shop created exquisite tension with the pellet gun. You also molded Autry into something more than just a secondary character. And the back and forth on whether or not it was a robbery or a gift seems ludicrous on the surface, but actually made sense.
Loved the symbolism of the schooner sailing down the gutter and the deep insights like "Once released from human agency it must be pulled along only by the tug of the fates."
Just a few typos easily fixed:
He smiles briefly. "Still" (missing period)
it's not going to kill you ." (space)
Gene Autry's biggest fan . (space)
I have to make a profit. You know . (space)
"Cerberus . But next to it." (space)
I think you might be good at writing screenplays. I could see this developed into a movie.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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I have never tried a screenplay, though I have a few stage plays under my belt. Thank you, Narvik. I am in awe of your eagle eye! I shall get those space problems fixed in a jif. If I have another thumbs up in my bag for this month, I'll surely give it to you. Otherwise, know that your name is on my list for next month. Much obliged.
Jay
Comment from damommy
As you probably know, few read anything this long, me included, but something drew me in from the start. I love the characters and the way you revealed them to the reader, making them real. I felt sorry for Autry. Interesting how both of them got their name, if Buster is telling the truth. I especially like the descriptions of him sitting on the curb, watching all the debris as it swirled past him.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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As you probably know, few read anything this long, me included, but something drew me in from the start. I love the characters and the way you revealed them to the reader, making them real. I felt sorry for Autry. Interesting how both of them got their name, if Buster is telling the truth. I especially like the descriptions of him sitting on the curb, watching all the debris as it swirled past him.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Bless you, Yvonne. I'm glad you were dragged in and you stayed and then rewarded me for such a long read. Buster's name was pretty much validated by his remembered conversations with Julie, who called him Buster and Bus. I rather enjoyed writing the curb-sitting sequence and I'm happy it translated well with you. Again, Bless you!
Jay
Comment from LJbutterfly
What I enjoy most about all of your stories is that you thoroughly develop your characters to the point that the reader can understand their thoughts, inner feelings, and sometimes, their actions. As an example, I was enthralled with your detailed description of water flowing in a gutter.
"My left foot creates an obstruction, a not-too-effective dam against which a Styrofoam cup collides," and, "A gum wrapper does its slow-motion aquabatics."
With Buster's detailed description of Autry, and the pawn shop, it was easy to envision the shop and every move made. Even though Julie was not physically present, she was the prominent reason for the story. The quarter reluctantly removed from her forehead was finally delivered down the sewer, on a stolen schooner (like the ship she tried to steal), in her memory and honor.
Wow! Only a master storyteller could create and deliver such a tale.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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What I enjoy most about all of your stories is that you thoroughly develop your characters to the point that the reader can understand their thoughts, inner feelings, and sometimes, their actions. As an example, I was enthralled with your detailed description of water flowing in a gutter.
"My left foot creates an obstruction, a not-too-effective dam against which a Styrofoam cup collides," and, "A gum wrapper does its slow-motion aquabatics."
With Buster's detailed description of Autry, and the pawn shop, it was easy to envision the shop and every move made. Even though Julie was not physically present, she was the prominent reason for the story. The quarter reluctantly removed from her forehead was finally delivered down the sewer, on a stolen schooner (like the ship she tried to steal), in her memory and honor.
Wow! Only a master storyteller could create and deliver such a tale.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Ohhhhh, man, Lorraine, calling me a master storyteller makes me shudder. Thank you. Strange ... Grammarly did not want to let me get away with aquabatics and kept trying to change it to aquatics, which I felt was absurd. Only aquabatics would do. So I turned her off.
Again, thank you so much for reading this and the high honor of awarding it a six!
Jay.
Comment from Spitfire
I wasn't going to read this because of the length. But then I read the reviews and decided to go for it. I'm glad I did! I'm not that good at interpretation, but I suspect the ship is a symbol--perhaps his fragile love for Julie. I loved all the descriptions of Autry and his obesity. It's really a magnificent portrait of how one man handled the death of a loved one.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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I wasn't going to read this because of the length. But then I read the reviews and decided to go for it. I'm glad I did! I'm not that good at interpretation, but I suspect the ship is a symbol--perhaps his fragile love for Julie. I loved all the descriptions of Autry and his obesity. It's really a magnificent portrait of how one man handled the death of a loved one.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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Shari, I'm so glad your intuition about reading this dragged you into it despite your common sense to the contrary. Yes, the ship is a symbol and your interpretation of it is as good as any. I didn't set out to make it a symbol, but it's nearness to Cerberus in the pawnshop helped to birth it. It became a way to connect the quarter at the end with the one he placed on Julie's brow in the beginning. But yes, the boat and its ending is a lovely image for the impermanence of his and Julie's relationship. Thanks for pointing that out ... and of course for the six stars.
Comment from nomi338
This story and stories like it are clearly not for everyone. There are lots of subtleties here. Julie's childish desires that feed her forays into a wealthy neighborhood to commit crimes that lead to her eventual demise. There is our hero/anti hero who for the sake of a Burger King meal and a Schooner made from toothpicks, commits a robbery in order to take something the intended victim tries to give him for the sake of friendship, which he refuses. He then dispatches the ship in Julie's honor and walks away empty handed, on to the next adventure.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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This story and stories like it are clearly not for everyone. There are lots of subtleties here. Julie's childish desires that feed her forays into a wealthy neighborhood to commit crimes that lead to her eventual demise. There is our hero/anti hero who for the sake of a Burger King meal and a Schooner made from toothpicks, commits a robbery in order to take something the intended victim tries to give him for the sake of friendship, which he refuses. He then dispatches the ship in Julie's honor and walks away empty handed, on to the next adventure.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2023
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You are right, Nomi. It's not everyone's cup o' tea. It's rather dark, I know, and Buster is not the most likeable (certainly not loveable) characters. But I hope you don't see him as a character who is "on to the next adventure." You may not like what you see in him, but I hope you had to dig a little deeper to discover that dislike. Nolan, I so appreciate your six stars!
Jay
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I was quite intrigued by his peculiar personality. I was impressed by his compassion after acting in a somewhat cruel way to the pawn shop guy. I also got the impression that he did not want to cause physical harm to the guy. Obviously Buster had deep layers.
Comment from Ulla
Well I broke the story into chunks,, Jay, and it didn't lose any of its power. The depravity of man shows through every single chapter, but then, wait, something unique stands out. Through it all is a love of life and the sheer fact of being human and basically showing the good that presides somewhere within most of us. It's a bittersweet write and definitely one of the best pieces of your work I've ever read. It deserves every star and more. Ulla xx
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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Well I broke the story into chunks,, Jay, and it didn't lose any of its power. The depravity of man shows through every single chapter, but then, wait, something unique stands out. Through it all is a love of life and the sheer fact of being human and basically showing the good that presides somewhere within most of us. It's a bittersweet write and definitely one of the best pieces of your work I've ever read. It deserves every star and more. Ulla xx
Comment Written 28-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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But if the chunks were a week apart, it might have lost its umph! Thankyou, though, for your wonderfully kind words and the sixth star. It means a lot.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, sir, I won't get much else done this morning, but I must say, it's been worth every minute to read your story. You have a special touch: writing, and entertaining. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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Well, sir, I won't get much else done this morning, but I must say, it's been worth every minute to read your story. You have a special touch: writing, and entertaining. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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You are very welcome, Ric. Good to see you away from the Good ol' boys. Now you can go back to your ranch! LOL, thanks, really!
Comment from pome lover
Well, Mr. Jay, You have a very complicated mind that I doubt many can read; I certainly can't. But it does come up with the most fascinating writing, the most satisfying feeling with which you leave the reader, that he/she has just read a really good piece. Amazing. I give you a 6, however
I'm still going to correct your "entitled." :)
Fondly,
Katharine
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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Well, Mr. Jay, You have a very complicated mind that I doubt many can read; I certainly can't. But it does come up with the most fascinating writing, the most satisfying feeling with which you leave the reader, that he/she has just read a really good piece. Amazing. I give you a 6, however
I'm still going to correct your "entitled." :)
Fondly,
Katharine
Comment Written 28-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
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Entitled ... I remember using that word. Was it in the story or my intro? Some may wonder how something so complicated can come from this stammering, simpleminded old man. Thank you, Katherine for your lovely words and the six star.
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I think it was in the author's notes, but not positive.
And you "ain't" simple-minded. Your story was great.