Pucker Up
An Even The Odds Poem13 total reviews
Comment from Paul Manton
Hi, Debra. I hadn't seen one of these till now. So I counted, just in case, but you were perfect - just like your little angel in the picture (I taught Primary children most of my life so I'm well aware what posers they are!)
And a Yorkshire Rose - wow! Alas, I am from Cheshire (now Merseyside) and living in London for aeons - but lots of friends from 'God's Own County'!
The picture speaks for itself! The rhyme scheme here is abbccbb(d)ed - that's very clever, especially the internal delay on rhyme 'd'. And the synonym of course - pucker/pout. Impressive! 'With lips stuck out/in comical/pout' is definitely worth 5.5 but we're rounding down today.
I'd love to know what your daughter thinks of this poem and picture now.
I think it's wonderful!
Paul
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2023
Hi, Debra. I hadn't seen one of these till now. So I counted, just in case, but you were perfect - just like your little angel in the picture (I taught Primary children most of my life so I'm well aware what posers they are!)
And a Yorkshire Rose - wow! Alas, I am from Cheshire (now Merseyside) and living in London for aeons - but lots of friends from 'God's Own County'!
The picture speaks for itself! The rhyme scheme here is abbccbb(d)ed - that's very clever, especially the internal delay on rhyme 'd'. And the synonym of course - pucker/pout. Impressive! 'With lips stuck out/in comical/pout' is definitely worth 5.5 but we're rounding down today.
I'd love to know what your daughter thinks of this poem and picture now.
I think it's wonderful!
Paul
Comment Written 15-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2023
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Hi Paul :)
Thank you for reading my poem, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I daren't show her! You know what pubescent pre-teens are like!
Thanks for your great feedback and for sharing a little about yourself too. I currently work in a primary school and l love it, for the most part at least! My class in September is year 1, so age 5-6yrs... wish me luck ;)
Best wishes, Debra
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I do wish you luck! I was mostly a Year/Grade 6 teacher - not far away from your daughter's age - and Year six girls can be VERY grown up! But working with 5-6 year olds I found quite difficult. People don't realize that it is a different kind of job. On the other hand, the few male infant specialists were saints!
Have a great day. Paul
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Debra, you make it look easy but I don't doubt for one minute this isn't. To get a sweet and humorous story into that flowing and rhyming verse form while keeping the last word seamlessly smooth takes skill. As ever, your posts are a delight to read and your Yorkshire rose a delight to see. Thank you for sharing. Debbie x
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2023
Debra, you make it look easy but I don't doubt for one minute this isn't. To get a sweet and humorous story into that flowing and rhyming verse form while keeping the last word seamlessly smooth takes skill. As ever, your posts are a delight to read and your Yorkshire rose a delight to see. Thank you for sharing. Debbie x
Comment Written 15-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2023
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Thanks so much, Debbie :) I'm glad you enjoyed it! It was quite tricky, putting it together, but I enjoyed the process :)
Best wishes as always, Debra x
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Thanks for sharing the photo and notes, Debra.
-You did a great job with the form and topic.
-You even added rhyme!
-You paint a vivid word picture of the pose.
-Effective imagery with "Yorkshire rose" and
"messy waves of gold."
-Very good concluding lines.
-Very well done; thanks for sharing it.
-It is a fun form to write.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2023
-Thanks for sharing the photo and notes, Debra.
-You did a great job with the form and topic.
-You even added rhyme!
-You paint a vivid word picture of the pose.
-Effective imagery with "Yorkshire rose" and
"messy waves of gold."
-Very good concluding lines.
-Very well done; thanks for sharing it.
-It is a fun form to write.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2023
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Thank you so much, Pam, for your lovely feedback :)
I really enjoyed writing the poem, it's a fun form and I'll be using again, for sure.
Best wishes as always, Debra x
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You are very welcome, Debra. I am glad you liked the form. It is fun to write.