Comment from estory

Excellent

This is one of those classic pastoral romantic sonnets. The bird is a great symbol for an imprisoned lover, sitting in its cage, the seasons great symbols for the seasons of love. You have the spring time of love, the careless passion of it, the waxing summer, and the fading fall that seems to stand for falling out of love. And that winter of escape, when the love goes cold. Nice job orchestrating this. estory

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023

Thank you!
Great 'spotting' of the seasons of love coinciding here with the seasons of the year. Since I'm in the southern hemisphere I had to transpose this to get winter in January!
Signs of spring in the air today and our daffodils are flowering.

Steve

Comment from Ginda Simpson

Exceptional

What's an extra syllable in a poem that is so well written? This is such a lyrical piece, with exquisite imagery and deep feeling. It is a sonnet to inspire the rest of us. Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023

Ginda, thank you so much for the kind words and the sixth star - much appreciated.

Steve

Comment from Katie Mae Dead

Exceptional

Very wonderlly descriptive and poignant piece.
I love autumn turning streets to tattered gold.
Also..."for careless passion treated as a toy" nice bit of alliteration there.
Nice tie in with "fluttered fast away" (like a bird)

So many clever bits of poetic prowess you have here. You're still one of my faves on this site.
Good luck in the contest!
Katiemaedead

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2023

Hi, Katherine, Katie, Drusilla - Yes, I do remember you as Drusilla from seemingly eons ago.

Thanks for the stellar review and for picking out your favourite bits. Really glad you liked this. I couldn't get the ending to my satisfaction at first, but I'm pretty happy with this final version.

Steve

reply by Katie Mae Dead on 07-Aug-2023

It's OK. There are not to many ways to word that particular thought in your ending. I understand.

Comment from Mrs. KT

Excellent

Hello, Steve!
Love the metaphor of the caged bird to that of a lover that on "freedom's wings" flew away and broke your heart.
Wonderful imagery.
Your sonnet flows well with a creative volta.

Thank you for sharing and best wishes!
diane

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2023

Hi, Diane.
Glad you liked this. I like sonnets but they can be a bit of a wrestling match to get the words in the right place sometimes and this one was no exception.

Steve

Comment from RodG

Excellent

As this sonnet points out, some relationships just weren't meant to be. In January the Speaker takes in a "broken bird," and by December she has smashed the bars of her cage and flown away. I like your use of an extended metaphor. Your meter (and I don't mind "family") is flawless. I wish you well in the contest. Rod

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2023

Thanks, Rod.
Perhaps the icy eye should have scared this lover boy off from the beginning! It clearly wasn't meant to be.

Steve

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Exceptional

I enjoyed this sonnet about this caged bird escaping even though you had love for it, freedom is far more enticing than being caged. A well rhymed and metered post Steve and I loved the sentiments, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2023

Dolly many thanks for the kind review and the extra star. Much appreciated.

Steve

Comment from jim vecchio

Excellent

This was a beautiful, creative approach to the Sonnet. Reminds me of a rescued cat we once had. It was ill, and the veterinarian told us to get a big cage and put her in it. Even though ill, she smashed her way out. Some creatures, humans included, need to be free.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2023

Thanks, Jim. Glad you enjoyed.
Yep some animals aren't born to be in cages.

Steve

reply by jim vecchio on 08-Aug-2023

I'm glad you wrote this piece, and hope it opens others' eyes to the plight of rescued animals.

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

You paint a picture of rescue and caring, followed by a bird who must take flight and does so.
Excellent sonnet form as your introduce your subject and build on it in the first two stanzas. Nice turn in the third stanza as October marks the change to come. Excellent summation in the closing couplet.
Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2023

Thank you. I usually don't worry too much about sonnet structure but this one did follow the blueprint pretty well!

Steve

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I am a fan of sonnets and no absolutely nothing about the syllable count so if you wouldn't have said anything I would never have known. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us and good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023

Thanks, Barbara. No need to know the ins and outs of iambic pentameter to appreciate the beauty of a sonnet.

Steve

Comment from Richard Montfort Cary

Exceptional

Wow. This is one fine sonnet! Full of clarity and imagery that speak to this reader. The metaphor of caring for an injured bird that only breaks its bars in natural flight is powerful. Good luck in winning!

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2023

Richard, many thanks for the kind review and the sixth shiny star!

Steve