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Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Best"
A Flash Fiction Collection

13 total reviews 
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

The tension in this post was palpable. I think these days most state schools are as you describe here. Even if sufficiently educated, the principal seems to have forgotten what they learnt, and not be aware of what they see around them. The poor pupils struggle in a morass of threats. Very well done. kay

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
    Thank you very much.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is an excellent write. Although I taught first grade at an elementary school, because of the section of the city the school was in, we parked behind a locked fence. I understand how this student felt. I witnessed it at our school. My youngest son teaches high school math at a school by the Gulf. He sees the same situation at this school. I have no answers, except I know our education system is broke. The reason I retired when I did was, I couldn't stand watching what was happening to our children and got tired of fighting the system and losing.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Bruce Carrington
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Troubling, deep, and raising the feeling of anxiousness that only the best can invoke in the reader. Fascinating spiral of Corey's innocence into violence. Amazing piece.


Humble observations:

Two similar sentences by two different people within the short period of time:
"Well, if it isn't the young man of the hour."
"Well, what can I do for the man of the hour?"

Feels unnatural that the principle would say the full name of the school, I'd personally put it somewhere in the narrative as: "I know better than most that our school," she referred to the Harriet Tubman Middle School --- "has many challenges".

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
    Thank you very much.