One Man's Calling
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "One Man's Calling, Ch 32"Following God
11 total reviews
Comment from Jim Wile
Exciting chapter, Wayne, with this confrontation between the captain and Angelo plus Ben's escape from Diamond Jim's clutches.
I had to reread the following several times because I was a bit confused by it and couldn't quite remember much about Angelo's promotion and what surrounded it seeing as how it was many chapters ago.
"I went to him (who, Ben?) when I was promoted. If I took it, Diamond Jim would think he owned me. If I refused, he would kill me.
"Ben went to see Jim. I learned that after I've been asked to do nothing. If I was asked, I would come to you, since I believe you are on the up-and-up." Angelo settled back in his seat..."
It might be wise to elaborate on this a little more and not be so spare with your words. Memories aren't the best with us old fogies reading your story. I did go back to try to find that part, but looking at the chapter blurbs from the "show chapters" feature, they all say the same thing: "Following God one day at a time." You may want to consider using that little blurb area to describe the highlight of each chapter so it can be used for reference purposes as I tried to do.
One last thing: In your final line of this chapter, "preaching one the move" should be "preaching on the move".
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2023
  |
Exciting chapter, Wayne, with this confrontation between the captain and Angelo plus Ben's escape from Diamond Jim's clutches.
I had to reread the following several times because I was a bit confused by it and couldn't quite remember much about Angelo's promotion and what surrounded it seeing as how it was many chapters ago.
"I went to him (who, Ben?) when I was promoted. If I took it, Diamond Jim would think he owned me. If I refused, he would kill me.
"Ben went to see Jim. I learned that after I've been asked to do nothing. If I was asked, I would come to you, since I believe you are on the up-and-up." Angelo settled back in his seat..."
It might be wise to elaborate on this a little more and not be so spare with your words. Memories aren't the best with us old fogies reading your story. I did go back to try to find that part, but looking at the chapter blurbs from the "show chapters" feature, they all say the same thing: "Following God one day at a time." You may want to consider using that little blurb area to describe the highlight of each chapter so it can be used for reference purposes as I tried to do.
One last thing: In your final line of this chapter, "preaching one the move" should be "preaching on the move".
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2023
-
Thank you. You always give me such great advice as to how to improve the writing and the story.