Coffee With Iris
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Witch Doctor?"Two opposites meet and connect.
23 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I like Iris. She's a fantastic character. I have known a few women similar to her. They were fun and interesting. I have a feeling Iris and Jameson are going to be good for each other.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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I like Iris. She's a fantastic character. I have known a few women similar to her. They were fun and interesting. I have a feeling Iris and Jameson are going to be good for each other.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Thanks. Iris has been through a lot, which will be revealed later. She doesn't hold back. Gretchen
Comment from rama devi
SUPERB CHARACTERIZATION and POV.
Well paced.
Draws the reader into the scene.
Excellent descriptive detail.
A few nits noted:
*optional suggestion:
Most days(,) she calls multiple times.
* Just a random "whatcha doing?".
No period after question mark.
* There is always a blood test,(no comma) and a breathing test.
No comma after AND if the subsequent clause is 'dependent' (shares the same subject/verb).
THIS LINE MADE ME SMILE:
She doesn't look a day over thirteen, but then most people look like children to me now. She's always sweet and cheerful.
*When she's done filling the four vials,(NO COMMA) and sticking the labels on them, she takes them out of the room.
*THIS MADE ME LOL:
"Out of breath more often?"
"Only after sex," I say dryly.
IRIS IS A PILL~!
*
"Entresto. It's expensive(,) but it's good."
*"So, Dr. Chalmers, how many things are we going to try before we give up(?)"
I just love IRIS!
Hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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SUPERB CHARACTERIZATION and POV.
Well paced.
Draws the reader into the scene.
Excellent descriptive detail.
A few nits noted:
*optional suggestion:
Most days(,) she calls multiple times.
* Just a random "whatcha doing?".
No period after question mark.
* There is always a blood test,(no comma) and a breathing test.
No comma after AND if the subsequent clause is 'dependent' (shares the same subject/verb).
THIS LINE MADE ME SMILE:
She doesn't look a day over thirteen, but then most people look like children to me now. She's always sweet and cheerful.
*When she's done filling the four vials,(NO COMMA) and sticking the labels on them, she takes them out of the room.
*THIS MADE ME LOL:
"Out of breath more often?"
"Only after sex," I say dryly.
IRIS IS A PILL~!
*
"Entresto. It's expensive(,) but it's good."
*"So, Dr. Chalmers, how many things are we going to try before we give up(?)"
I just love IRIS!
Hugs,
rd
Comment Written 15-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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You have no idea how I look forward to your reviews. I am learning so much from you. So, thank you. And I'm glad Iris made you smile. Gretchen
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Aw, thanks! :-)) This week I am home sick (only slightly, but my mom is more sick), so have extra time. Hope to read a few more before I am whisked away by work work work.
Comment from JSD
Lovely writing. Again you create a character about whom I want to know so much more. She is engaging and interesting, funny and sarcastic, and dealing with such a massive issue. Well done!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Lovely writing. Again you create a character about whom I want to know so much more. She is engaging and interesting, funny and sarcastic, and dealing with such a massive issue. Well done!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Thank you. I'm so glad you like this. Your review is much appreciated. Gretchen
Comment from Wendy G
Oh no! I can see some of the issues which will probably arise here, and I am looking forward to seeing how you will link them and deal with them. I like Iris's wit and dry humour. Enjoying this story a lot!
Wendy
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Oh no! I can see some of the issues which will probably arise here, and I am looking forward to seeing how you will link them and deal with them. I like Iris's wit and dry humour. Enjoying this story a lot!
Wendy
Comment Written 15-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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She is a wise but sometimes blunt person. Jameson is a dreamer. They need each other. Thanks so much. Gretchen
Comment from JT traveller
The story reads well. I enjoyed the use of the combination medicine for heart failure and Iris's joke about breathlessness. The doctor's retort was equally witty. Fun to read. Jacqueline
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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The story reads well. I enjoyed the use of the combination medicine for heart failure and Iris's joke about breathlessness. The doctor's retort was equally witty. Fun to read. Jacqueline
Comment Written 15-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Thank you, Jacqueline. I'm glad you enjoyed and thank you for taking time to review and read it. Gretchen
Comment from damommy
So, Iris has only a few months to live? I think she's going to be a positive force in Jameson's life before she's done. It would be hard to carry on normally if you knew your time was so limited, I think.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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So, Iris has only a few months to live? I think she's going to be a positive force in Jameson's life before she's done. It would be hard to carry on normally if you knew your time was so limited, I think.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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I think Iris was ready to go until she met him. Now she has a purpose, mothering and friendship. Thanks so much. Gretchen
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Gee, That sounds a lot like my visits to the Dr. except she isn't on oxygen, but come to think I wasn't either at her age. You addressed problems the elderly have in this. Even Gertrude's loneliness.
I'm going to try that remark about sex next time to see what my Dr.'s reply will be. He is a fun guy. LOL Well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Gee, That sounds a lot like my visits to the Dr. except she isn't on oxygen, but come to think I wasn't either at her age. You addressed problems the elderly have in this. Even Gertrude's loneliness.
I'm going to try that remark about sex next time to see what my Dr.'s reply will be. He is a fun guy. LOL Well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 15-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Tell me his reaction. Lol. Thank you for reading. Good luck with your doctor's visits. Gretchen
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You made me smile with the humour these people use to make light of a serious situation and we are learning more about the characters in your story here Gretchen. I love the handling of this routine visit to the doctors, the positivity and gentle dialogue is a pleasure to read, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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You made me smile with the humour these people use to make light of a serious situation and we are learning more about the characters in your story here Gretchen. I love the handling of this routine visit to the doctors, the positivity and gentle dialogue is a pleasure to read, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Thank you. I remember my own mother sparing with her doctor. It was a healthy relationship. Thanks for the review and comments. Gretchen
Comment from pome lover
Sounds like she has something fatal that they are skirting around.
Sounds like my doctor, drawing blood at the drop of a hat. Well, seems you're all into another long story, so you are writing two at one time?
Heavenly days. Think I'm going to stick with this one for the time being.
Have gotten interested in them.
Katharine
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Sounds like she has something fatal that they are skirting around.
Sounds like my doctor, drawing blood at the drop of a hat. Well, seems you're all into another long story, so you are writing two at one time?
Heavenly days. Think I'm going to stick with this one for the time being.
Have gotten interested in them.
Katharine
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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One novel called The Real Terry Joe McKinnon is a work in progress. This one is a novella I completed last year. Just posting now. Thank you for continuing with this. Gretchen
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sure thing. It's different. I like the premise.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a really good story. We learn Iris is facing death soon, but she is not afraid of it, just irritated. Her friend is no help. She does need Jameson's youth to help her keep up her good humor. This is well written and both Iris and Jameson are very distinct characters who need each other.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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This is a really good story. We learn Iris is facing death soon, but she is not afraid of it, just irritated. Her friend is no help. She does need Jameson's youth to help her keep up her good humor. This is well written and both Iris and Jameson are very distinct characters who need each other.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much, Carol. They will find strength in each other. Gretchen