Beth's Voyage
Pain wilts the heart at its core.16 total reviews
Comment from mermaids
There is raw feelings and emotions in your words. The reader can see and feel the sorrow and impact of being taken away by the ocean. Excellent entry for this contest.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
  |
There is raw feelings and emotions in your words. The reader can see and feel the sorrow and impact of being taken away by the ocean. Excellent entry for this contest.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
-
Thank you
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very nice eighty word story. You painted a very clear picture. Even though you didn't describe the boat, it was plain enough that it would not withstand the ocean for long. Good work.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
|
Very nice eighty word story. You painted a very clear picture. Even though you didn't describe the boat, it was plain enough that it would not withstand the ocean for long. Good work.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
-
Thank you
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Ooo such a sad tale I could feel every word. I know the feeling intimately I think we have all of us at least once in our lives it is not a fun place to be.
You remind me that I should be grateful of the good things in my life your story has touched me very much.
Thank you for reminding me that there are simple things in life that we take progress wonderful story. I think you've done an excellent job and find no issues with it. Aesthetically and I wish you all the best in the contest!
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
|
Ooo such a sad tale I could feel every word. I know the feeling intimately I think we have all of us at least once in our lives it is not a fun place to be.
You remind me that I should be grateful of the good things in my life your story has touched me very much.
Thank you for reminding me that there are simple things in life that we take progress wonderful story. I think you've done an excellent job and find no issues with it. Aesthetically and I wish you all the best in the contest!
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
-
I am so honored you liked it.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness this is a tragic loss to the sea here. I remember once being in a dreadful almighty storm on the bay of biscay and I wasn't sure our ship would make it to safety. An unplanned stop was made to the harbour to save our lives, I shall never forget it, your poem reminded of this incident, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
|
Oh my goodness this is a tragic loss to the sea here. I remember once being in a dreadful almighty storm on the bay of biscay and I wasn't sure our ship would make it to safety. An unplanned stop was made to the harbour to save our lives, I shall never forget it, your poem reminded of this incident, love Dolly x
Comment Written 13-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
-
I am glad you made it to safety.
-
Yes, the captain took the decision to find a port for the night, I was relieved, love Dolly x
Comment from humpwhistle
I don't claim to be an expert, but it's my belief that most short-short stories like this one suffer for too-much-story-for-the-allotted-word-limit. In other words, we often try to pack two pounds of story into a one-pound bag. I think you've done that here. You've used your 80 words, but you haven't told the doomed lady's story.
Peace, Lee
Her boat slammed hard against the incoming towering waves as it was dragged out to sea.--I'm not a sailor, but it strikes me odd that incoming waves might drag a boat out to sea.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
|
I don't claim to be an expert, but it's my belief that most short-short stories like this one suffer for too-much-story-for-the-allotted-word-limit. In other words, we often try to pack two pounds of story into a one-pound bag. I think you've done that here. You've used your 80 words, but you haven't told the doomed lady's story.
Peace, Lee
Her boat slammed hard against the incoming towering waves as it was dragged out to sea.--I'm not a sailor, but it strikes me odd that incoming waves might drag a boat out to sea.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
-
Duly noted about the waves I will work on fixing that.
Comment from JT traveller
You have managed to build tension and intrigue in a mere eighty words. A difficult task to accomplish. I congratulate you.
An interesting read. Best of luck in the competition. Jacqueline
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
|
You have managed to build tension and intrigue in a mere eighty words. A difficult task to accomplish. I congratulate you.
An interesting read. Best of luck in the competition. Jacqueline
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
-
Thank you