The Brevity of Life
My neighbor passed unexpectedly the other night26 total reviews
Comment from aryr
How sad that this happened this way, Tom. Regardless of being a former hospice RN, it is devastating and heart wrenching when it happens. I really appreciated your sound advice. Very well done and sadly enjoyed. Blessings n because you truly need them, Hugs!!!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
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How sad that this happened this way, Tom. Regardless of being a former hospice RN, it is devastating and heart wrenching when it happens. I really appreciated your sound advice. Very well done and sadly enjoyed. Blessings n because you truly need them, Hugs!!!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
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Thanks for your kind words aryr. My neighbor was going to Anchorage today to make arrangements. She's going to be cremated, so I guess there's no rush if he decides to wait if he's going to be burying her. The ground is frozen, and it's snowing here today. Honestly, I hope when I die, it's like spring or fall. I'd rather not pass in the summer, I don't want to miss out on the good weather, and in winter, it's already dark and cold, why add to the somber mood? I guess there isn't much I can do about it, but God knows how I feel. Thanks so much for your kind concern.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
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You are so very welcome, Tom.
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is the perfect awakening we all need to be reminded of now and again. As you say, we never know when death will visit, and we need to be aware if we can't be vigilant of its coming. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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This is the perfect awakening we all need to be reminded of now and again. As you say, we never know when death will visit, and we need to be aware if we can't be vigilant of its coming. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review this post John. We humans are so incredibly fragile. While we know deep down we're going to die eventually, I think it always comes as a surprise when it happens.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
My condolences to the husband of the woman, Tom.
You painted a great picture of the normal life days many
enjoy without thinking of when all of it will end. You also
made a great point about what one needs to do beforehand
to help the family when s/he is gone. No one likes to think
about that, but it is important.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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My condolences to the husband of the woman, Tom.
You painted a great picture of the normal life days many
enjoy without thinking of when all of it will end. You also
made a great point about what one needs to do beforehand
to help the family when s/he is gone. No one likes to think
about that, but it is important.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Hello Jan,
Thanks so much for the fine review and comments. We all go about our lives like we have forever, yet in a moment it can all change. A car accident, heart attack, stroke, falling off a ladder, we're only a heartbeat away from eternity. We're so fragile. I appreciate your review gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment from royowen
The Bible says to gain life we need to die first, and although it doesn't mean this kind of dying, it does alert us to considering what we leave behind, it's true it shouldn't be a mess, this is so sad Tom, you are quite obviously affected. Bless you my friend, good job, go well, Roy
Typo : he's wrest(l)ing with his feelings.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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The Bible says to gain life we need to die first, and although it doesn't mean this kind of dying, it does alert us to considering what we leave behind, it's true it shouldn't be a mess, this is so sad Tom, you are quite obviously affected. Bless you my friend, good job, go well, Roy
Typo : he's wrest(l)ing with his feelings.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Hello Roy,
Thanks for this fine review and your enlightening comments. Yes, like the fellow whose barns were full and planned on taking it easy for the foreseeable future, we don't know when our time is up. We certainly won't take anything with us. Thanks for catching that typo. No matter how often I go over it before publishing, I still miss things. I'm glad I'm part of a family of writers who help out so willingly and without condemnation.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
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Bless you
Comment from Susan Newell
Tom,
This is a well written and well thought-out essay. You are so right that we never think today will be the day. I thought about all of this many years ago and have done almost everything I can to make settlement of our estate easier. But much will depend on who gets to go home first, since each of us will need different kinds of assistance when left alone. But much of the "junk" is gone, papers are in order and both a sibling and our executor have important keys. Cremations and services have been prepaid. I've left notebooks with other useful information and a two-binder Homeowner's Manual with details of wiring, plumbing, heating, septic system and maintenance records for it all. Unfortunately, much that is important to us will have importance to no on else. I hope people take heed of your very sound and thoughtful advice.
Sue
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Tom,
This is a well written and well thought-out essay. You are so right that we never think today will be the day. I thought about all of this many years ago and have done almost everything I can to make settlement of our estate easier. But much will depend on who gets to go home first, since each of us will need different kinds of assistance when left alone. But much of the "junk" is gone, papers are in order and both a sibling and our executor have important keys. Cremations and services have been prepaid. I've left notebooks with other useful information and a two-binder Homeowner's Manual with details of wiring, plumbing, heating, septic system and maintenance records for it all. Unfortunately, much that is important to us will have importance to no on else. I hope people take heed of your very sound and thoughtful advice.
Sue
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Wow Sue!
It sounds like you've thought of everything. In reading through your comments, I've gleaned several ideas that I will incorporate into my own plan. I don't know what will happen to the house. I'm sure it will be sold, but what a grand idea to have everything for the next buyer right at their fingertips. Of course what we can't prepare for is the silence that is left in the wake of our loved ones passing. Turning to their easy chair with a comment, and there is no one to respond. Learning to cook for one. Going to bed alone. Traveling on vacation with no one to share the sights and sounds and tastes. It's going to be an adjustment for the one left behind with only memories. It would be good to make those memories pleasant while we can. Thanks so much for your great comments gal.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
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You are welcome, Tom. We completely rebuilt our 1763 colonial home, leaving as much original as we could. I did think having its history, photographic documentation of major work, what's inside the walls and all that stuff might be a boon when trying to sell it ? whether we have to do it or our executor does. I've even written our obituaries and included the photos.
I know how difficult the "disappearance" of a loved one is. But somehow, mankind has learned to deal with it as a condition of being blessed with the relationship in the first place.
Blessings,
Sue
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Tom, you have put death into a new perspective for some with your excellent essay. Not only do you tell us the story of what happened, and potentially why with her weight, smoking, and health issues, but how it has caused you to consider what you must do to prepare for what comes to all of us. My husband took care of that a couple of years ago - we don't want our grieving children to have to do anything more than sit with the attorney and be led through the process of what has been put in place. Well told story.
The only thing I took exception to was naming the deceased as "the wife of your neighbor." She, too, was your neighbor.
Pam
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Tom, you have put death into a new perspective for some with your excellent essay. Not only do you tell us the story of what happened, and potentially why with her weight, smoking, and health issues, but how it has caused you to consider what you must do to prepare for what comes to all of us. My husband took care of that a couple of years ago - we don't want our grieving children to have to do anything more than sit with the attorney and be led through the process of what has been put in place. Well told story.
The only thing I took exception to was naming the deceased as "the wife of your neighbor." She, too, was your neighbor.
Pam
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Hello Pam,
Thanks so much for the excellent review. Death will visit all of us eventually, and the more we can do to prepare, the better it will be for everyone left to deal with the aftermath. You brought up a good point. I never had any dealings with her, but she too was our neighbor. I'll see about correcting that. Thanks for the input.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Very thoughtful, useful post, on a subject that we all hate to think about but should. Did you know for example if you turn money over to your kids well in advance of your death (in Europe its 5 years) they get it tax-free. You can't take it with you, and you love them, so it's worth thinking about. My mother died in April, and Daddy has Alzeimers. All children and grandchildren live abroad so do not want 'expensive to ship' mementoes. I am trying to clear her stuff 'usefully', without stressing Daddy, as I go. Landfill is a poor final destination for a life of hard work, especially in these hard times. Kate xx
undo stress > undue stress
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Very thoughtful, useful post, on a subject that we all hate to think about but should. Did you know for example if you turn money over to your kids well in advance of your death (in Europe its 5 years) they get it tax-free. You can't take it with you, and you love them, so it's worth thinking about. My mother died in April, and Daddy has Alzeimers. All children and grandchildren live abroad so do not want 'expensive to ship' mementoes. I am trying to clear her stuff 'usefully', without stressing Daddy, as I go. Landfill is a poor final destination for a life of hard work, especially in these hard times. Kate xx
undo stress > undue stress
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Hello Kate,
I had no idea of the law concerning gift giving. At this juncture of my life, I would hesitate to part with money that I might need in the future, but it's certainly something to think about nonetheless. When my mom died, we gave most of her furniture to a charitable organization. Us kids were scattered across the country and couldn't afford to ship it. I've spoken to my children about our demise, with various responses. The oldest daughter refuses to even acknowledge that we'll ever die. Guess it will be a surprise. Thanks so much for the thoughtful comments. I'm learning so much from the comments to this post.
Have a blessed day gal.
Tom
Comment from Theodore McDowell
A very poignant realization of the brevity of life. You ask searching questions and evoke strong feelings with your details about her life and how she probably went about her business on the day of her death. I agree with your last paragraph that suggests preparation for death in order to relieve the kids of stress when we die.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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A very poignant realization of the brevity of life. You ask searching questions and evoke strong feelings with your details about her life and how she probably went about her business on the day of her death. I agree with your last paragraph that suggests preparation for death in order to relieve the kids of stress when we die.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Hello Tim,
When I was younger, I didn't give too much thought to my passing. As I age though, and more and more people that I know, die, I'm increasingly hit with the reality of my own death. It's not pleasant to think about, but those left behind will have enough to deal with, without having the added burden of the specifics that our passing will bring. Thanks so much for these great comments.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment from Mrs. KT
Good morning, Tom,
What a meaningful, yet somber, offering.
I appreciate how you progress from the incident outside of your home to the death of your neighbor to the observation that life is, indeed, brief.
We humans often do not want to dwell on the subject - as if we all are impervious to its reality.
A thoughtful presentation that offers the reader much to consider as she goes about her business today of decorating for Christmas... (Hoping that I don't get stuck in one of our closets hunting for decorations like I did last year!)
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Good morning, Tom,
What a meaningful, yet somber, offering.
I appreciate how you progress from the incident outside of your home to the death of your neighbor to the observation that life is, indeed, brief.
We humans often do not want to dwell on the subject - as if we all are impervious to its reality.
A thoughtful presentation that offers the reader much to consider as she goes about her business today of decorating for Christmas... (Hoping that I don't get stuck in one of our closets hunting for decorations like I did last year!)
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Hello Diane,
You made me laugh, gal. You got stuck in your closet? I hope at least the light was on and that you found what you were looking for.
You're right, its not a subject that we like to think about too much, but it's so necessary. Obviously there is no right age to start giving thought to our passing. It can happen at any time. The more we can prepare, the better it will be for those we leave behind. Though the empty seat at the table or the side of the bed that is vacant can't be adequately prepared for, we can lessen the stress for those dealing with the nuts and bolts of our passing. Thanks so much for the six. I'm honored.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment from Wendy G
No sixes left, and I am very sorry not to have any. Your piece of writing is moving and insightful, as you have really "entered into" what her death meant and will mean. You are right. Death is an uninvited guest, and we never know when it will call, but we must be prepared, both spiritually and in practical ways. Well written.
Wendy
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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No sixes left, and I am very sorry not to have any. Your piece of writing is moving and insightful, as you have really "entered into" what her death meant and will mean. You are right. Death is an uninvited guest, and we never know when it will call, but we must be prepared, both spiritually and in practical ways. Well written.
Wendy
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Hello Wendy,
Thank you so much for the great review. I'm pleased that you feel it's worthy of a six. Who would have thought that the very act of dying would entail so much planning? I've got a problem with procrastination, especially when it comes to my impending death, but as has been pointed out with some of these comments, the importance of having as much in order as possible is wise, and should be appreciated by those we leave behind.
Have a blessed day gal.
Tom
