Cheers
A ritual with a loved one gone.16 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
Hi Barry,
You've written a good story that needs a few tweaks.
"I step up TO my tippy toes. (I step up ON tippy toes.)
" A touch of water,not too much,just right. (There should be a space after each comma. There are other commas that need a space before you type the next word)
I agree. Memories are so real you can feel them. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Hi Barry,
You've written a good story that needs a few tweaks.
"I step up TO my tippy toes. (I step up ON tippy toes.)
" A touch of water,not too much,just right. (There should be a space after each comma. There are other commas that need a space before you type the next word)
I agree. Memories are so real you can feel them. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review my flash fiction story.Also thanks for the tips and I can tell you I have made the amendments suggested.
Yes memories can be so real and so potent for those who remain. Take care and have a good day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Karyn2
Thanks for the read. I love the simplicity it's very poetic. Captures a heartfelt moment in time well. Perhaps a ":" after without a doubt I hear".
Sometimes uncomplicated is effective.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Thanks for the read. I love the simplicity it's very poetic. Captures a heartfelt moment in time well. Perhaps a ":" after without a doubt I hear".
Sometimes uncomplicated is effective.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review my story. Also for your suggestions re amendment. I would also agree with your comment that sometimes uncomplicated is effective.
Have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
Comment from Ricky1024
"Cheers" is a 100 Word Flash Fiction Contest entry.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with No Grammar Issues.
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned most Perfectly.
Good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky1024
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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"Cheers" is a 100 Word Flash Fiction Contest entry.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with No Grammar Issues.
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned most Perfectly.
Good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky1024
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Thanks Doctor Ricky. I will actually go through my ritual today. My dad always turns up.
Have a great day and keep on writing.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed reading your contest entry, Barry. I liked the way
you used great descriptive words to set the scene. Not until
the end did readers find out the truth of the matter. I liked
the surprise guest who was a surprise to everyone except the
man in the story. Some words need ma space after them unless
you intended it for emphasis.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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I enjoyed reading your contest entry, Barry. I liked the way
you used great descriptive words to set the scene. Not until
the end did readers find out the truth of the matter. I liked
the surprise guest who was a surprise to everyone except the
man in the story. Some words need ma space after them unless
you intended it for emphasis.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Jan,
Thanks for reading and reviewing my flash fiction story. Glad you enjoyed it. I actually carry out this ritual about once a month. Please take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Jay Squires
Well, I have to say... what an intriguing 100-word story, Barry. So I gather it is a final toast offered you by your father ... or someone in a paternal position in your life. In a hundred words! You did it, Barry! I don't think I need to wish you this, but good luck in the contest!
Jay
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Well, I have to say... what an intriguing 100-word story, Barry. So I gather it is a final toast offered you by your father ... or someone in a paternal position in your life. In a hundred words! You did it, Barry! I don't think I need to wish you this, but good luck in the contest!
Jay
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Jay,
Thanks for the kind and supportive words. Yes my father is the person. I actually carry out this ritual about once a month. Also like a whisky or two lol.
Take care and have a great day.
Barry
Comment from Maria Millsaps
Cheers. I thought the story was well crafted. I would suggest you go over it and correct some spacing errors. Certainly a nice way to remember someone gone.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Cheers. I thought the story was well crafted. I would suggest you go over it and correct some spacing errors. Certainly a nice way to remember someone gone.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Maria,
Thanks for reading and reviewing my flash fiction entry. Also thanks for the tip re spacing errors.
I actually go through this ritual about once a month. My Dad never fails to turn up and he did always like a whisky or two. You have a great day and take care.
Barry