Tanka Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 74 "He's Gone"Romantic Tanka Poems
13 total reviews
Comment from prettybluebirds
I do love your poetry. I see this one is a bit different from your usual style, but it is just as beautiful. The artwork is perfect for the subject of your writing. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
I do love your poetry. I see this one is a bit different from your usual style, but it is just as beautiful. The artwork is perfect for the subject of your writing. Nicely done.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
-
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback, prettybluebirds. Have a wonderful night...or day
Gypsy Word Weaver
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A succinct poem. There is a rawness to the words that add to the out-of-focus picture. Feels like a short blues song.
Suggestion:
The second line would read better as: "another day is on its way" or perhaps a comma or emdash after day. "another day---it's on its way".
Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
A succinct poem. There is a rawness to the words that add to the out-of-focus picture. Feels like a short blues song.
Suggestion:
The second line would read better as: "another day is on its way" or perhaps a comma or emdash after day. "another day---it's on its way".
Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
-
I corrected that, thank you.
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback, dellsworthpoet. Have a wonderful night...or day
Gypsy Word Weaver
-
You are welcome. Have a wonderful week.
Comment from lyenochka
I like how you show us the strong emotions through the gripping and clinging on to the bed and the dreading of dawn because the beloved is gone.
One suggestion:
another day it's on its way --
I know it's
I'd say 'another day is on its way ' because you have ' it's it's and another it's ' so close together
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
I like how you show us the strong emotions through the gripping and clinging on to the bed and the dreading of dawn because the beloved is gone.
One suggestion:
another day it's on its way --
I know it's
I'd say 'another day is on its way ' because you have ' it's it's and another it's ' so close together
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
-
I corrected that error, thank you, Sister. I appreciate your kind review. Love you.
Marival