The Dilemma
A marriage in turmoil27 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
Jiminy Christmas! well that's not something you read every day. I was heartbroken for the narrator. Aggravated by Elodie. She definitely wanted her cake and eat it too. Your narrator's inner monolog was riveting and made me wonder if I would be so calm. Now is this another teaser or are you going to give us a bit more? Great job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
  |
Jiminy Christmas! well that's not something you read every day. I was heartbroken for the narrator. Aggravated by Elodie. She definitely wanted her cake and eat it too. Your narrator's inner monolog was riveting and made me wonder if I would be so calm. Now is this another teaser or are you going to give us a bit more? Great job. Gretchen
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
-
Gretchen, thank you for the six stars! I also appreciate your very insightful review. I think you understand what I was trying to do. This is a one and done. Thanks, Terry
-
Dang you for your cliffhangers. Honestly, don't change anything about your writing
-
You are very kind
Comment from Jay Squires
This is probably going to walk away with the coveted prize, Terry -- you know that, don't you? Relationship drama is what the contest judges here thrive on. I've laughingly said that the only thing that a well-written mainstream story lacks is a family pet dying at the end with its head in the protagonist's lap. They absolutely can't resist that. So much so, that I wrote a satire piece, "Requiem For Rudy," about a dog my wife and I tried our best to love, but weren't able to. It wasn't in a contest, but it had a good reading.
Anyway, I predict good things for your first chapter (hoping that isn't the kiss of death). Notwithstanding that, I do have a few comments below that you might want to consider:
In the fifth bag, I found the letters from Ruben. [Great timing -- BEAUTIFUL timing for this line]
I had a week until she came back home. I would probably know every line of the English letters by then. Why would I do that? I didn't learn anything about Ruben. I didn't like what I did learn. [This paragraph confuses me. It only makes sense to me if you said, "I COULD probably know ..." instead of "I would probably know."]
I am sitting in my bar drinking bourbon. I am waiting for El to get home. Do I feel sorry for myself? Should I have paid her more attention? Do I still love her? Am I finished with her? What do I do about Ruben and Martine? [I don't like this paragraph, Terry. I'm sorry, but it follows such detail in Frank's emotional life during the first and middle of this chapter. Then it ends with just a lot of questions that are simply rhetorical to the reader. If he didn't divorce her then he would be deserving of the term cuckold!]
Even with the next to last paragraph, I still maintain that this will be a winner!
Jay
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
|
This is probably going to walk away with the coveted prize, Terry -- you know that, don't you? Relationship drama is what the contest judges here thrive on. I've laughingly said that the only thing that a well-written mainstream story lacks is a family pet dying at the end with its head in the protagonist's lap. They absolutely can't resist that. So much so, that I wrote a satire piece, "Requiem For Rudy," about a dog my wife and I tried our best to love, but weren't able to. It wasn't in a contest, but it had a good reading.
Anyway, I predict good things for your first chapter (hoping that isn't the kiss of death). Notwithstanding that, I do have a few comments below that you might want to consider:
In the fifth bag, I found the letters from Ruben. [Great timing -- BEAUTIFUL timing for this line]
I had a week until she came back home. I would probably know every line of the English letters by then. Why would I do that? I didn't learn anything about Ruben. I didn't like what I did learn. [This paragraph confuses me. It only makes sense to me if you said, "I COULD probably know ..." instead of "I would probably know."]
I am sitting in my bar drinking bourbon. I am waiting for El to get home. Do I feel sorry for myself? Should I have paid her more attention? Do I still love her? Am I finished with her? What do I do about Ruben and Martine? [I don't like this paragraph, Terry. I'm sorry, but it follows such detail in Frank's emotional life during the first and middle of this chapter. Then it ends with just a lot of questions that are simply rhetorical to the reader. If he didn't divorce her then he would be deserving of the term cuckold!]
Even with the next to last paragraph, I still maintain that this will be a winner!
Jay
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
-
Jay thank you for the review and the six stars that is very kind of you. I understand your point about the final paragraph. I have a different take on it. I will think about it.
I know it?s listed as in a contest, but in reality it?s not, I don?t think I will do anything further with the story.
I think you know I am new to this fiction thing. I am trying, I will see how it goes, but the old ticker is running out of juice.
But next week I will post a story about a night with Lena Horne. You might enjoy it. Thank you again, Terry.
Comment from royowen
An excellent first chapter Terry. Now what to do indeed! It sounds like a case of divorce to me, but the dilemma I would have is that Elodie says she loves Frank, but this is betrayal really, and unless your name is Hosea, divorce would have to be on the agenda. Great entry in this contest my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
 |
An excellent first chapter Terry. Now what to do indeed! It sounds like a case of divorce to me, but the dilemma I would have is that Elodie says she loves Frank, but this is betrayal really, and unless your name is Hosea, divorce would have to be on the agenda. Great entry in this contest my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
-
Roy, thank you for the the review, this is a one and done story. Terry
-
Pity, great job
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry read well, Terry. It was filled with great
descriptions and characters. The action and settings were
well thought out, too. There was good pacing and interesting
events. I liked the way the letters were found. The PI did a great
job. Your ending was such that more chapters could be easily added.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
|
Your contest entry read well, Terry. It was filled with great
descriptions and characters. The action and settings were
well thought out, too. There was good pacing and interesting
events. I liked the way the letters were found. The PI did a great
job. Your ending was such that more chapters could be easily added.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
-
Jan, thank you for the review. There will not be any more chapters. Terry.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
No, I can only say I would not be interested in the follow-up to this. What an insult. It could only end in murder or divorce. She said it was over and then did it again only worse? Not a good subject for most. Interesting though up to the three-some. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
|
No, I can only say I would not be interested in the follow-up to this. What an insult. It could only end in murder or divorce. She said it was over and then did it again only worse? Not a good subject for most. Interesting though up to the three-some. Nancy:)
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
-
Nancy, thank you for reading. There will be no follow-up chapter. Terry.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I don't see any dilemma here. But maybe that's because I've already done my share of agonising in my life. Trust went out the window at the 5th handbag. Frank confronted Elodie, who said it was ended. He believed her. She played him for a fool. She's not credible in what she says. He should dump her asap. Kate xx
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
|
I don't see any dilemma here. But maybe that's because I've already done my share of agonising in my life. Trust went out the window at the 5th handbag. Frank confronted Elodie, who said it was ended. He believed her. She played him for a fool. She's not credible in what she says. He should dump her asap. Kate xx
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
-
Kate, thank you for reading. This a stand-a-lone, no second chapter. It is also not in the contest that was listed. Terry.
-
I saw that from other reviews (I read to see whether anyone had told you it was too short for the contest). Kate xx
-
Actually I reserved a spot, but I didn?t release it. It is over the 2000 word requirement, but just as well, I am the only one who liked it. Critics, what am to do?
-
Which one are you talking about? I haven't seen anything of yours I didn't like I don't think... confused Kate
-
The Dilemma has not been well received.
-
I don't see it the same way you did. I just read through all the comments, and there are lots of positive points in there. For me. I liked the whole very much, it was rich and thought-provoking. I should have said that, but I was so focused on 'the dilemma' that I saw. Repeated lies and living with lack of trust. All my words were to help him to decide to split with Elodie, and of course 'credible' was the wrong word. She is perfectly credible within the context of the story, but you can't trust that she's telling the truth (sometimes I think in French and transpose to English - it rarely works. Sorry). Kate xx
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a very interesting first chapter. I can't wait to read more. I really hope you develop this novel and leave it only as a contest entry. I want to know what Frank decides. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
|
This is a very interesting first chapter. I can't wait to read more. I really hope you develop this novel and leave it only as a contest entry. I want to know what Frank decides. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
-
Barbara, thank you for reading. The story is not in the contest that was listed, and there will be no second chapter. Terry.
Comment from nomi338
As a man who has been married to the same woman for 49 years, I cannot even begin to imagine the sense of hurt and betrayal Frank must feel. My wife and I have rarely been apart for as much as a single day for the majority of our years together, so I have no questions about how or where she spends the majority of her time, the same is true of me. I would be devastated to learn of something like this in my own relationship. This is a horrible story of how deception can absolutely destroy a person who has invested loyal love for someone who has allowed personal enslavement to carnality to ruin a life totally. I love the write, but I hate the story. Please follow up.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
|
As a man who has been married to the same woman for 49 years, I cannot even begin to imagine the sense of hurt and betrayal Frank must feel. My wife and I have rarely been apart for as much as a single day for the majority of our years together, so I have no questions about how or where she spends the majority of her time, the same is true of me. I would be devastated to learn of something like this in my own relationship. This is a horrible story of how deception can absolutely destroy a person who has invested loyal love for someone who has allowed personal enslavement to carnality to ruin a life totally. I love the write, but I hate the story. Please follow up.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
-
Nomi, thank you for reading and reviewing. This is a one-and-done story. There will be no second chapter, and even though it shows it is a contest entry, it really isn't. Terry.
-
Too bad. This is a troubling story. How could a husband be so misled by a wife he trusts so deeply. This type of deceit would absolutely destroy me. I have rarely read a story as disturbing as this one. I would have given you a six but sadly I had no more at the time.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is an excellent first chapter, Terry, and I would like to know more. Did he find an answer? Did they divorce? Or has he joined in? You could take this in so many different directions, and I'd like to see which direction you'd go with. Well done, it's a well written chapter, and I wish you good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
|
This is an excellent first chapter, Terry, and I would like to know more. Did he find an answer? Did they divorce? Or has he joined in? You could take this in so many different directions, and I'd like to see which direction you'd go with. Well done, it's a well written chapter, and I wish you good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
-
Sandra, thank you for your review. I appreciate a novelist of your caliber's opinion. But there will not be a second chapter, and even though it shows as a contest entry, it really isn't. Terry.
Comment from Susan Newell
Terry,
I'm not sure how to approach this one. In the beginning there seemed to be a lot of hurrying through facts and telling. It livened up as you got deeper onto it. Although the report seemed abrupt. I do see one issue with the Spanish letters. Would't Martine have signed them? I think that could be resolved. I probably wouldn't follow this because threesomes, or what may follow, are not my cup of tea.
Sue
She said he loved the people, food, sights, and history. ==> She said she
"What the Shirley Maclaine and Alan Alda movie?" -- need some kind of punctuation after "What"
I said something like maybe later. -- I'd punctuate as: like, "Maybe later."
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
|
Terry,
I'm not sure how to approach this one. In the beginning there seemed to be a lot of hurrying through facts and telling. It livened up as you got deeper onto it. Although the report seemed abrupt. I do see one issue with the Spanish letters. Would't Martine have signed them? I think that could be resolved. I probably wouldn't follow this because threesomes, or what may follow, are not my cup of tea.
Sue
She said he loved the people, food, sights, and history. ==> She said she
"What the Shirley Maclaine and Alan Alda movie?" -- need some kind of punctuation after "What"
I said something like maybe later. -- I'd punctuate as: like, "Maybe later."
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
-
Sue, thank you for reading.
-
:-)