The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "The Return Chapter 35"Erotic Turmoil
31 total reviews
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
This is one of the most recent "series" I have started on FS and I really like it. Sometimes complicated, perhaps because of me not having the required back story experience or maybe because of the ghosts and their ability to be there or not. At any rate, it is a fun read.
CONSIDER replacing single quote marks with double. Single quote marks are typically used for quotes within quotes.
At Chapter 35:
Para 24, 1st sentence: Remove comma after (here)
Para 25, 1st sentence: Change (was) to (were) Were is used to indicate unreal or hypothetical statements. (visible)
Para 36, 2nd sentence: Remove comma after (up) (held her tight) is not a complete clause. It has no noun.
At Characters:
Bessie: Replace comma following (Bessie) with a colon. This to be consistent with other character descriptions
Lady Emma Crawley: Replace comma following (Crawley) with a colon. This to be consistent with other character descriptions. Also, remove BOLD from her description. None of the other characters descriptions are in bold.
Lord Richard Crawley: Remove comma after (suicide)
Lady Gwendolyn Crawley: Replace hyphen following (Crawley) with a colon. This to be consistent with other character descriptions. Also, remove BOLD from her description. None of the other characters descriptions are in bold.
Very interesting saga, well put together and a complicated handling of characters and situations seems to come easy for you.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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This is one of the most recent "series" I have started on FS and I really like it. Sometimes complicated, perhaps because of me not having the required back story experience or maybe because of the ghosts and their ability to be there or not. At any rate, it is a fun read.
CONSIDER replacing single quote marks with double. Single quote marks are typically used for quotes within quotes.
At Chapter 35:
Para 24, 1st sentence: Remove comma after (here)
Para 25, 1st sentence: Change (was) to (were) Were is used to indicate unreal or hypothetical statements. (visible)
Para 36, 2nd sentence: Remove comma after (up) (held her tight) is not a complete clause. It has no noun.
At Characters:
Bessie: Replace comma following (Bessie) with a colon. This to be consistent with other character descriptions
Lady Emma Crawley: Replace comma following (Crawley) with a colon. This to be consistent with other character descriptions. Also, remove BOLD from her description. None of the other characters descriptions are in bold.
Lord Richard Crawley: Remove comma after (suicide)
Lady Gwendolyn Crawley: Replace hyphen following (Crawley) with a colon. This to be consistent with other character descriptions. Also, remove BOLD from her description. None of the other characters descriptions are in bold.
Very interesting saga, well put together and a complicated handling of characters and situations seems to come easy for you.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Hi Gary, thank you so much for reading and editing this chapter, I've made all the corrections, and really appreciate you mentioning them to me. I didn't change the single quote marks with the double because that is the UK way of doing it. You'll find that with all the British authors on here, while the American use the double. Where you use single quotes for internal references, we use the double. I will have to remember to add that to my author's notes. I think Australian are the same as us.
Thanks again, my friend. Their is only one chapter left to write now. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, they've done what they set out to do, and you fooled most of us, at least me, with the murderer being Lucy. Although, I thought it was a possibility. Now, I'm just wondering if I'm waiting for another twist. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Well, they've done what they set out to do, and you fooled most of us, at least me, with the murderer being Lucy. Although, I thought it was a possibility. Now, I'm just wondering if I'm waiting for another twist. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Now, we take Margot home, and she's not a happy chappie. We can't have that now, can we? Let's see what happens. A twist? hmm, not sure. Lol.
Thank you so much, Ric, for this lovely review, and for giving it a shiny sixth star. You're a lovely man. I think I've told you that before! So it shows I mean it!!! Love and warm hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi sandra,
Excellent continuation here once again. An, Lucy and her little green-eyed monster. nice
'I did no such thing! What is the matter with you? You've never shown any interest in Miles,' Meg was astounded at what Lucy was saying. - I'd end the dialogue with a period rather than the comma. What follows isn't a tag so you could end it.
'I hate you!' Lucy screeched, 'Why didn't you- again, this is purely a choice / suggestion but I'd have a period after screeched. It's more believable she screeched the three words rather than the whole of the dialogue which follows it as a proceeding tag.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Hi sandra,
Excellent continuation here once again. An, Lucy and her little green-eyed monster. nice
'I did no such thing! What is the matter with you? You've never shown any interest in Miles,' Meg was astounded at what Lucy was saying. - I'd end the dialogue with a period rather than the comma. What follows isn't a tag so you could end it.
'I hate you!' Lucy screeched, 'Why didn't you- again, this is purely a choice / suggestion but I'd have a period after screeched. It's more believable she screeched the three words rather than the whole of the dialogue which follows it as a proceeding tag.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Thank you, Gareth, for another lovely review. I've made those two corrections. :)) I'm so pleased you liked this part. I hope to finish the story in the next part, but it does depend on how the characters take my suggestions!! Lol. Thanks again, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Shocking twist! I'd been thinking along these lines -- secret jealousy of a friend -- once you eliminated the obvious suspects. Well done, Margot, Bessie, and Sandra!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Shocking twist! I'd been thinking along these lines -- secret jealousy of a friend -- once you eliminated the obvious suspects. Well done, Margot, Bessie, and Sandra!
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much, Liz. One more chapter to go, getting Margot sorted out. She's in a right state! A couple of people guessed right a while ago, but I didn't tell them they did. :)) Thanks, dear friend. Love and hugs, Sandra xx
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I've been pondering how you can clone Miles to satisfy both Meg and Margot!
Comment from Cindy Warren
I wouldn't have guessed it was Lucy. I thought it was Miles' mother, who liked to pretend she was frail. I thought that was a good cover for who she was really was. That was clever. Lucy was there, in the background, but I never saw a clue it might have been her. There were other much more likely suspects.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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I wouldn't have guessed it was Lucy. I thought it was Miles' mother, who liked to pretend she was frail. I thought that was a good cover for who she was really was. That was clever. Lucy was there, in the background, but I never saw a clue it might have been her. There were other much more likely suspects.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Miles' mother knows she's been found out, so does his father, and wouldn't dare add to their crimes. I'm glad you were surprised, most people were but I did have two mention Lucy a few chapters back. Next chapter should be the last one, if it's not too long. Margot needs sorting out. Bless her. She's heartbroken.
Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews you've given my book, and all the support. I really have appreciated it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Judy Lawless
I expected this to be the last chapter, Sandra, now that we know who tried to kill Meg, but maybe there are a few loose strings yet. This was a great read, the dialogue flowing naturally. Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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I expected this to be the last chapter, Sandra, now that we know who tried to kill Meg, but maybe there are a few loose strings yet. This was a great read, the dialogue flowing naturally. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Yes, we have to sort Margot out yet! I can't have her being miserable for the rest of her life, can I? :))
Thank you for another lovely review, dear Judy, and the golden star, you've always been so kind. I'm really pleased you've enjoyed my story. I hope you'll like the ending next week. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
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You're most welcome, Sandra. I am happy you will be giving Margot a better ending. :) Hugs
Comment from Jay Squires
What a super near-ending. I was rather surprised not to see "The End" instead of "continued", but hey! I'm not complaining. I like Margo and Bessie and could easily go another couple of rounds of adventure. You are sooooo Good, Sandra!
JS
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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What a super near-ending. I was rather surprised not to see "The End" instead of "continued", but hey! I'm not complaining. I like Margo and Bessie and could easily go another couple of rounds of adventure. You are sooooo Good, Sandra!
JS
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Ah, but Margot has still got to have her happy ending. She will be so miserable when she comes out of the darkness and realises she's home again.
I'm so pleased you liked Margot and Bessie, Jay, they started off an unlikely couple but soon bonded. And thank you for all your encouragement through the chapters. I do hope you'll like the ending. Sending a big hug for the golden star, dear friend!! Love and hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from royowen
A great episode Sandra. Such a good one, very satisfying, so it was Meg's best friend, people will do strange things out of greed, jealousy or worse, position, thinking that's the way to happiness, all devilish, it's always best to do the right thing in spite of everything. But now, I'm guessing you'll be fixing Margot up. Beautifully written Sandra, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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A great episode Sandra. Such a good one, very satisfying, so it was Meg's best friend, people will do strange things out of greed, jealousy or worse, position, thinking that's the way to happiness, all devilish, it's always best to do the right thing in spite of everything. But now, I'm guessing you'll be fixing Margot up. Beautifully written Sandra, blessings Roy
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much, Roy. Jealousy is a hard one to rid yourself of, and it only ends in heartbreak. Thank you for another lovely review, dear Roy. One last chapter coming where you will learn what happens to Margot! Love and hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
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That will be good Sandra
Comment from lancellot
Well, it is seems the ending is perhaps one chapter away. The best friend wanting or loving your soulmate, always happens. There was a lot of exposition from Lucy, but I guess time is an issue this close to the end. The evil doers classic confession is needed.
Good work.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Well, it is seems the ending is perhaps one chapter away. The best friend wanting or loving your soulmate, always happens. There was a lot of exposition from Lucy, but I guess time is an issue this close to the end. The evil doers classic confession is needed.
Good work.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
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Yes, just one more chapter and that should be it. I've made a few changes with Lucy's rant, and brought Meg in to argue the point. You and two others thought she had it too much her own way and needed Meg to come in. Thank you, Lancellot, for another of your lovely reviews, I've appreciated them all. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from lyenochka
I see a great wrap-up to the story coming up. Scary how someone could appear to be a "friend" but be so evil and plan such wickedness.
I found Lucy's long speech puzzling such as "pretending to console him, and not once did he mention you! " Did Miles just not want to mention Meg to Lucy even though he assumed they were best friends? Also, Lucy's monologue gave so much of the plotline that I wonder if more dialogue with Meg would help draw the plot out more naturally to the reader.
It shows such gall that even after being found in her murder attempt, that Lucy would bump into Meg as she leaves! What a character!
I liked that touching gesture when Meg still has a little bit of memory of Margot and Bessie, that she stopped and looked for them. Poor Margot who misses being part of this history already. I'm sure you'll find a Miles equivalent for her in her own time. ð???
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2022
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I see a great wrap-up to the story coming up. Scary how someone could appear to be a "friend" but be so evil and plan such wickedness.
I found Lucy's long speech puzzling such as "pretending to console him, and not once did he mention you! " Did Miles just not want to mention Meg to Lucy even though he assumed they were best friends? Also, Lucy's monologue gave so much of the plotline that I wonder if more dialogue with Meg would help draw the plot out more naturally to the reader.
It shows such gall that even after being found in her murder attempt, that Lucy would bump into Meg as she leaves! What a character!
I liked that touching gesture when Meg still has a little bit of memory of Margot and Bessie, that she stopped and looked for them. Poor Margot who misses being part of this history already. I'm sure you'll find a Miles equivalent for her in her own time. ð???
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2022
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Hi Helen, thank you for your lovely review. I think I need to do a bit of editing on Lucy's rant. I'll do that in my MS Word copy and then paste it over. You're quite right in what you said. I have to get it right, or it ends up a wet fish. As for Margot, all will be revealed next week, which should be the final chapter. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
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Thank you for the heads up about the last chapter! 💖