Betrayed
A betrayal of love31 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
Wow
What a devastating narrative.
In Asian cultures they cherish and respect.
In ours it's bugger off,
Not needed. Give us the house and die.
Very funny if it wasn't so sad.
That's why I don't need them either. Have my hobbies. My poetry friends.
So nice being autistic. :-))Z.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Wow
What a devastating narrative.
In Asian cultures they cherish and respect.
In ours it's bugger off,
Not needed. Give us the house and die.
Very funny if it wasn't so sad.
That's why I don't need them either. Have my hobbies. My poetry friends.
So nice being autistic. :-))Z.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you. This house actually existed. It was on our farm and my mom and dad did live in it for several years. When my grandmother died they moved into her house which was closer to the water well. Hugs
Comment from amahra
Oh, wow. This was a fabulous read. I was halfway finished when I realized the house was talking. That was so creative. I loved the artwork. I can tell it was the 1920s, because of the man's haircut of shaving his sides with just hair on top. Great job!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Oh, wow. This was a fabulous read. I was halfway finished when I realized the house was talking. That was so creative. I loved the artwork. I can tell it was the 1920s, because of the man's haircut of shaving his sides with just hair on top. Great job!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you. Yes that is my mom and dad on their wedding day in 1925. I would have put a photo of the house but it would have spoiled the surprise ending. Hugs.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
I love your story. How the feelings exist and can reside within the walls of a homestead until suddenly no one lives there anymore. There is complete silence only. This brings back memories of an old homestead where I lived, which was still standing until the walls crumbled down.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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I love your story. How the feelings exist and can reside within the walls of a homestead until suddenly no one lives there anymore. There is complete silence only. This brings back memories of an old homestead where I lived, which was still standing until the walls crumbled down.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you, and thanks for the six stars. I appreciate them. I never lived in the house but it was still there when I was a child. I can remember wondering if the house was lonely. My brother did bulldoze it down in later years. Hugs
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your twist took me completely by surprise. I figured the couple would divorce not bulldoze the house. WOW!! Great writing. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Your twist took me completely by surprise. I figured the couple would divorce not bulldoze the house. WOW!! Great writing. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you. This house was still there when I was a child. I used to wonder if it was lonely. Hugs.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is a well-written story. Capitalize the word Depression because it signals an era. I like that the font is large and easy to read. Your visual fits perfectly. I didn't realize until the end it was the family's house telling the story, so that is cleverly done. However, I do feel some of the human's names need to be sprinkled in the story instead of all pronouns. Well-done!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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This is a well-written story. Capitalize the word Depression because it signals an era. I like that the font is large and easy to read. Your visual fits perfectly. I didn't realize until the end it was the family's house telling the story, so that is cleverly done. However, I do feel some of the human's names need to be sprinkled in the story instead of all pronouns. Well-done!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you and thanks for catching my error. I know it should be captilized but got to wound up in the story. Thanks again. Hugs
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You are welcome.
Comment from Scott Rhodie
Good story. Only issue with grammar is in the last paragraph, The years passed, and . The flash fiction was well constructed to keep the surprise until last. I'm sure you'll do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Good story. Only issue with grammar is in the last paragraph, The years passed, and . The flash fiction was well constructed to keep the surprise until last. I'm sure you'll do well in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you. I will take a look at the last paragraph again. I always read them and edit but can miss something. Hugs.
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No problem, we all do, sometimes just fresh eyes.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Prettybluebirds, LOL, that is a great twist for an ending! I also think that is a great entry into the contest, good luck. Your run-up to the reveal is very good. Well-written! Terry.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Prettybluebirds, LOL, that is a great twist for an ending! I also think that is a great entry into the contest, good luck. Your run-up to the reveal is very good. Well-written! Terry.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Hugs
Comment from Wendy G
An excellent entry for the flash fiction contest. I like the fact that you chose to tell the story from the POV of the house - and homes, while inanimate do seem to need the life and energy of families, and it is a shame when they are pulled down and the memories are gone. Many of the homes these days are all the same, and seem to be without that soul. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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An excellent entry for the flash fiction contest. I like the fact that you chose to tell the story from the POV of the house - and homes, while inanimate do seem to need the life and energy of families, and it is a shame when they are pulled down and the memories are gone. Many of the homes these days are all the same, and seem to be without that soul. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you. I never lived in the old house because Mom and Dad moved to Grandma's house after she died. The two houses were both on the same farm but Grandma's was closer to the well. They carried all their water to the old house for several years and it was a goodly distance between the two homes. hugs
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is a story of love betrayal, a family worry, your father and mother married in 1925, children came and the family grew, but all left by degrees, you waited for love and care, over the years you protected and loved your brothers and sisters but in return you got a death by bulldozer; how pathetic; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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This is a story of love betrayal, a family worry, your father and mother married in 1925, children came and the family grew, but all left by degrees, you waited for love and care, over the years you protected and loved your brothers and sisters but in return you got a death by bulldozer; how pathetic; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you for reading and commenting. Hugs
Comment from karenina
There are homes in my extended family that have been the center of many a generation's births, marriages, joy and sorrow...
Truly I feel all of my ancestor's souls held within the walks, beneath the roof... Walking in their footprints as I climb the stairs...
I hoped this was the home narrating as so many of them are razed to make way for McMansions these days!
You did not fail me!
A warm hug of memories...sadly, with an oft to real ending.
Beautiful writing!
Karenina
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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There are homes in my extended family that have been the center of many a generation's births, marriages, joy and sorrow...
Truly I feel all of my ancestor's souls held within the walks, beneath the roof... Walking in their footprints as I climb the stairs...
I hoped this was the home narrating as so many of them are razed to make way for McMansions these days!
You did not fail me!
A warm hug of memories...sadly, with an oft to real ending.
Beautiful writing!
Karenina
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you. The house still remained on the propery when I was a child. I remember thinking it must be lonely with us living in the other home. My brother did tear it down in later years. Hugs
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I hate to see old homesteads torn down...