The Rock of Mich-uk-isaw
A Tale From Fanny's Grand-Nephew33 total reviews
Comment from Theodore McDowell
This paragraph shows the rhythm and language you have found in the Fanny stories:
Ever senior girl evil-eyed Sarah. But I tell ya--most ever guy felt Sarah unnerneath his bedsheets... in his nighttime imaginin's... if'n you know what I mean.
Great flash fiction, and another sly poem in legacy of Fanny.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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This paragraph shows the rhythm and language you have found in the Fanny stories:
Ever senior girl evil-eyed Sarah. But I tell ya--most ever guy felt Sarah unnerneath his bedsheets... in his nighttime imaginin's... if'n you know what I mean.
Great flash fiction, and another sly poem in legacy of Fanny.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Thank you for stopping by, Tim. I really appreciate your input and support. By the way congratulations on your recent recognition by Fanstory for your poetry here. Well deserving of it!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Ha, ha, ha I most admit I had a hard time trying to guess, you know rom-English and all, but I get it, this is the fun part of your story, because it gave us a realistic perspective on the region where the story is settled and yes Sara is a brave and naughty girl in the same time:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Ha, ha, ha I most admit I had a hard time trying to guess, you know rom-English and all, but I get it, this is the fun part of your story, because it gave us a realistic perspective on the region where the story is settled and yes Sara is a brave and naughty girl in the same time:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Many thanks and hugs, Iza. I always appreciate having you here.
Jay
Comment from nomi338
Though I was born in the South, Arkansas, I grew up in Detroit. The language used in this brief story is pretty recognizable to me. The narration was so spot on that I do believe I could see just about everything going on quite clearly in my mind's eye. That to me is pretty good writing. Congratulations.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Though I was born in the South, Arkansas, I grew up in Detroit. The language used in this brief story is pretty recognizable to me. The narration was so spot on that I do believe I could see just about everything going on quite clearly in my mind's eye. That to me is pretty good writing. Congratulations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Nolan. You couldn't give me a better compliment than to have had the story unfold smoothly within your mind. I appreciate it!
Comment from tfawcus
I sometimes struggle with phonetic dialect but find the struggle worthwhile in your case and in Lee's. The reward is worth the effort!
Which bounder committed this dastardly act? Your final sentence suggests it might have been the author himself, but the smiling reflection is not conclusive. It seems to come from within the car. Perhaps it is Sarah? Perhaps literary obfustication to prevent the author from being stoned by the good citizens of Mich-úk-isaw. Shame on you, Jay! LOL
I don't usually award my whole bag of sixes at this stage, but this week I have. Six shiny pebbles instead.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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I sometimes struggle with phonetic dialect but find the struggle worthwhile in your case and in Lee's. The reward is worth the effort!
Which bounder committed this dastardly act? Your final sentence suggests it might have been the author himself, but the smiling reflection is not conclusive. It seems to come from within the car. Perhaps it is Sarah? Perhaps literary obfustication to prevent the author from being stoned by the good citizens of Mich-úk-isaw. Shame on you, Jay! LOL
I don't usually award my whole bag of sixes at this stage, but this week I have. Six shiny pebbles instead.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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A five from you is a seven or an eight, friend. I purposely left loose ends so the reader would not know one hundred percent who the father was (I had one reviewer who thought it was the pastor and he was trying to keep Sarah's grandmother quiet. I rather liked that as a possibility. The one thread I didn't think I left dangling was who was in the car. Thank you, as always, for weighing in so kindly.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
It's a good story about a boy in love and a girl with a problem. I think you are saying he won the girl as he was her friend, but what's with the pink yarn around his ring finger? You told a lot of story in your 250 words. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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It's a good story about a boy in love and a girl with a problem. I think you are saying he won the girl as he was her friend, but what's with the pink yarn around his ring finger? You told a lot of story in your 250 words. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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Ha, Carol! It's you who made the yarn pink. (Wait! I know where you got that. I mentioned it was on his next-to-pinky-finger!) I purposely left many things unsaid. As a consequence, one reviewer even thought the parson had impregnated Sarah -- and that's as good a guess as any.
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I figured she came from somewhere that it had happened to stay with grandma so the family wouldn't be embarrassed. That was the usual process in the 50s and 60s. I was just puzzled about the yarn.
Comment from Nymbus
I enjoyed this, it is full of words spelled the way they are said. It gives the impression of a setting in the back woods of some forgotten town. A young boy with not much of a future and a girl he knows he can't get.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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I enjoyed this, it is full of words spelled the way they are said. It gives the impression of a setting in the back woods of some forgotten town. A young boy with not much of a future and a girl he knows he can't get.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Nymbus, for stopping by and weighing in.
Jay
Comment from Gert sherwood
A Tale From Fanny's Grand-Nephew
The Rock of Mich-uk-isaw
Jay,
I wonder if you can speak like ( I don't know his name) I wonder if realizes that he has an unique way of speaking. So Sarah with child
(? who is the father)
I saw a really good simile ---
((From then on, rumors spread like maggots a-toppa shit.))
I can see you only wrote your tale in only 250 words --- Amazing.
Best to you in the contest.
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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A Tale From Fanny's Grand-Nephew
The Rock of Mich-uk-isaw
Jay,
I wonder if you can speak like ( I don't know his name) I wonder if realizes that he has an unique way of speaking. So Sarah with child
(? who is the father)
I saw a really good simile ---
((From then on, rumors spread like maggots a-toppa shit.))
I can see you only wrote your tale in only 250 words --- Amazing.
Best to you in the contest.
Gert
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Gert! So glad you could stop by and weigh it. I tried to keep it open ended on who the father is. It IS Father's Day, but I don't want to be the one to out him. LOL, thanks for the six stars, Gert!
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, I'm not too sure what the plot or point of this was. I will warn you, that dialect make reading hard and I don't see the need of it. The story has many questions.
So, Sarah was there for three weeks, then her pregnancy had to be showing all along (and a lot), for her need to be near the restroom.
-Din't surprise nobody how shortly after Sarah'd started to show, Pastor Timothy Dowdy paid her gran'ma an evenin' visit.- this line doesn't work timewise.
That makes the other school girls and boys reactions odd. Slim none-pregnant girls don't envy fat pregnant girls and boys aren't lusting for them.
-From then on, rumors spread like maggots a-toppa shit.-
What rumors? If she is showing, (and been there only three weeks) it's pretty much a fact she came pregnant.
Also, is three week long for this person, to know if she is shy or not. Plus, we don't know why he broke the window or the point of that or the ending. He was just out at night throwing rocks? Is that yarn on his ring finger from Sarah? Is she in his car? Why do we need to know that?
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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Hmm, I'm not too sure what the plot or point of this was. I will warn you, that dialect make reading hard and I don't see the need of it. The story has many questions.
So, Sarah was there for three weeks, then her pregnancy had to be showing all along (and a lot), for her need to be near the restroom.
-Din't surprise nobody how shortly after Sarah'd started to show, Pastor Timothy Dowdy paid her gran'ma an evenin' visit.- this line doesn't work timewise.
That makes the other school girls and boys reactions odd. Slim none-pregnant girls don't envy fat pregnant girls and boys aren't lusting for them.
-From then on, rumors spread like maggots a-toppa shit.-
What rumors? If she is showing, (and been there only three weeks) it's pretty much a fact she came pregnant.
Also, is three week long for this person, to know if she is shy or not. Plus, we don't know why he broke the window or the point of that or the ending. He was just out at night throwing rocks? Is that yarn on his ring finger from Sarah? Is she in his car? Why do we need to know that?
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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She was 3 weeks in Mich-uk-asaw. She could have been a month pregnant when she got there -- still a threat to the high school girls, and a hot number to the boys. Might have been one of those cases where the parents send their wayward girl out of town to have the baby. Big in the 50s and 60s.
Do you really think I need to say it is Sarah behind the glazed window? I feel I've strung enough clues out to suggest why he is chucking a stone, whose house it was, and his motive. It's not a particularly deep story, Lance. And the unnamed narrator doesn't appear to be all that bright. (Nor did he have Google tell him that most first-time pregnant women start showing between 12 and 14 weeks. Morning sickness, or its threat, could be the reason Sarah'd be near a restroom.)
What just totally bamfoozles me, though, Lance, is that you don't think the last scene adds to the story .... I wonder why you think the reader doesn't "need to know that".
Now about the dialect. I stand convicted. Strangely though, there are those here who love it. It just felt right for a Mississippian. Trust me, as soon as The Fanny play finishes, I will happily abandon it.
Thank you, though, for weighing in on this.
Jay
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With respect Jay, your story tells us Sarah was there for three weeks.
Your story tells she was startin to show.
I didn't think the story was deep either. I really don't know what it was about.
Honestly, did it have point, a moral, a goal, a lesson, a plot?
Was it about pregnancy? Or Rumors? Or Love? I don't know?
Other than the narrator. No one else said anything, interacted or showed, told the readers anything.
If I missed what the last scene added or what it was for, please tell me.
I still don't whose window he broke and why that began the story.
Comment from Terry Broxson
I finally figured it out. You are just messing with us! Make that dialect so hard to understand even Fanny's hears would hurt. Who got her pregnant? What is the meaning of a cloth that might be a ring? It is the proverbial question wrapped by an enigma surrounded by a mystery!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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I finally figured it out. You are just messing with us! Make that dialect so hard to understand even Fanny's hears would hurt. Who got her pregnant? What is the meaning of a cloth that might be a ring? It is the proverbial question wrapped by an enigma surrounded by a mystery!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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I purposely left it vague as to who the father is. One person thought it was the pastor. As to the twisted yarn ring, I wanted to show youth and innocence and a yarn ring did that, as a beer can "ring" might. Yes, I left a lot of questions unanswered. Thanks for reading, Terry!
Comment from Annmuma
Okay, I'm a little confused, but maybe that's the point! I read the post a couple of times, but I still have those little mystery areas. Help! The story I got is the preacher impregnated Sarah. The narrator nephew was Sarah's best friend and, in his mind, shy and set on a pedestal. Preacher paid grandma to stay quiet. My mystery areas are: What about the circle of woven yarn -- I don't have a frame of reference -- other than it is wedding ring finger. Is he imaging such a relationship or what? Why woven yarn as opposed to Cracker Jack box ring or some other option? I'm assuming that Sarah is sitting in the car while he throws the rock.....and maybe they are going to elope together?
On the other hand, maybe I am making too much to the little things and should just enjoy the unique Jay Squires' touch to any story.... especially a basic story that is common to every small town. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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Okay, I'm a little confused, but maybe that's the point! I read the post a couple of times, but I still have those little mystery areas. Help! The story I got is the preacher impregnated Sarah. The narrator nephew was Sarah's best friend and, in his mind, shy and set on a pedestal. Preacher paid grandma to stay quiet. My mystery areas are: What about the circle of woven yarn -- I don't have a frame of reference -- other than it is wedding ring finger. Is he imaging such a relationship or what? Why woven yarn as opposed to Cracker Jack box ring or some other option? I'm assuming that Sarah is sitting in the car while he throws the rock.....and maybe they are going to elope together?
On the other hand, maybe I am making too much to the little things and should just enjoy the unique Jay Squires' touch to any story.... especially a basic story that is common to every small town. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Ann. Your review is SO important to me. I'm happy you went to such depth in your reading. Actually, you were the first to possibly implicate the preacher. That would be an interesting twist. It would give strong motivation for him to visit the grandmother. I hope you're not asking me to tell you what only Sarah knows for sure (unless she told her best friend.) As to the woven yarn ring, I was merely trying to show the kids' innocence and youth. It was a spur of the moment decision. You use what you have at hand. To me, it's only important that he is wearing it, and twirling it on his ring finger. He crazy-grins at a car window he can't see through. Would he do that if there weren't someone on the other side of the glare?
Anyway, Ann, take it wherever you want, as long as it satisfied your creative imagination. We certainly don't need to have all the facts. At least that's my feeling about it. Again ... thank you for reading!