Life-changing outing
Strange day on a ...28 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. Being and animal lover myself. Being and animal lover myself, I can't help but love this entry. You were able to not only save two koalas but countless number of birds. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. Being and animal lover myself. Being and animal lover myself, I can't help but love this entry. You were able to not only save two koalas but countless number of birds. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you very much Barbara. I appreciate your supportive response and good wishes a great deal.
Wendy
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a very interesting story if it's true (as requested in the prompt). What a weird thing to happen. It's worthy of a place in a Hitchcock film. My only argument is with your style of writing at the begining:
never experienced before or since. would not to me be 'quite unexpected', but rather unique...
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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This is a very interesting story if it's true (as requested in the prompt). What a weird thing to happen. It's worthy of a place in a Hitchcock film. My only argument is with your style of writing at the begining:
never experienced before or since. would not to me be 'quite unexpected', but rather unique...
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thanks so much Kate. I appreciate your thoughtful review.
Wendy
Comment from Sally Law
Sweet one for the contest, Wendy dear. Many times, our bent in life leads us to the best place God has for us. How precious two lives were saved in the process. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sally XOs
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Sweet one for the contest, Wendy dear. Many times, our bent in life leads us to the best place God has for us. How precious two lives were saved in the process. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sally XOs
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thanks so much Sally for your lovely wishes and review.
Wendy
Comment from Teri7
Wendy, This is a very precious and so sweet story about your family outing. Amazing things happened and that little Koala bear is so cute! We don't have them in the U.S. but I love to see them like in your story. God always have a plan for us and it is so nice you saved the Mom bear and baby bear. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Wendy, This is a very precious and so sweet story about your family outing. Amazing things happened and that little Koala bear is so cute! We don't have them in the U.S. but I love to see them like in your story. God always have a plan for us and it is so nice you saved the Mom bear and baby bear. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you Teri for your super review- always greatly appreciated.
Wendy
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Life-changing Outing, is well-told and captures this amazing event and eventuality within this short tale. Good outcomes all around.
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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This story, Life-changing Outing, is well-told and captures this amazing event and eventuality within this short tale. Good outcomes all around.
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thanks so much Bill. I appreciate your encouraging review.
Wendy
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Not until I read the entire story did I understand the "life-changing" aspect. Amazing, what an experience.
1st Para, 1st sentence: "licence" should be "license"
4th Para, 5th sentence: Add comma after "Still"
4th Para, 5th sentence: I don't think any punctuation is required after "coming", particularly not a colon (:)
"budgerigars" I had to look this one up but I found out they are like small parrots or common parakeet. How horrible that must have been to have to drive through, especially just brand new to driving. I can't imagine. And then on top of all that, an injured Koala. This was a very eventful drive for you folks.
What a wonderful ending! Your Koala survived, was doing better, had a baby and everything was going along smoothly.
I really enjoyed your story.
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Not until I read the entire story did I understand the "life-changing" aspect. Amazing, what an experience.
1st Para, 1st sentence: "licence" should be "license"
4th Para, 5th sentence: Add comma after "Still"
4th Para, 5th sentence: I don't think any punctuation is required after "coming", particularly not a colon (:)
"budgerigars" I had to look this one up but I found out they are like small parrots or common parakeet. How horrible that must have been to have to drive through, especially just brand new to driving. I can't imagine. And then on top of all that, an injured Koala. This was a very eventful drive for you folks.
What a wonderful ending! Your Koala survived, was doing better, had a baby and everything was going along smoothly.
I really enjoyed your story.
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thanks Gary for your thoughtful review. I?m glad you enjoyed the story.
In Australia we spell it "licence" so I?ll stick with that. (Britain also spells it that way.) Seems we have some cultural differences re punctuation also. "Still they came" is a present continuous, and has a different connotation if there is a comma. Nevertheless thanks for your suggestions, always appreciated.
Wendy
Comment from K. Lang-Slattery
One of your more interesting pieces because of the influence it had on your sister, but mainly because it describes something so special to Australia. Where else would one find a Koala hospital just down the road?!
I picked up a couple of issues:
. "We were encouraging her . ." ing form for main verb isn't as powerful as standard form. How about "One day when we planned a family outing, we encouraged her..."
. "- never experienced before or since." This might better fit into the next paragraph later in piece. Or may be unneeded. Then you can go directly from mentioning that something "unexpected happened" to describing it: "A cloud of small green . ."
. "This resembled" This is not either the act of stopping or the decision to stop, so it should be specified. If moved to the preceding paragraph it wouldn't need to be specified. Or possibly simply put it at the start of the paragraph where it is now at the end. "Stopping was the right decision." would be a great stand-alone paragraph that emphasizes your sister's good driving.
. "Gathering it in my arms(add ,) I carried it gently back to the car. "
. "Our outing proceeded uneventfully." Not needed, delete. Let the next sentence stand on its own to introduce the second half of your essay.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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One of your more interesting pieces because of the influence it had on your sister, but mainly because it describes something so special to Australia. Where else would one find a Koala hospital just down the road?!
I picked up a couple of issues:
. "We were encouraging her . ." ing form for main verb isn't as powerful as standard form. How about "One day when we planned a family outing, we encouraged her..."
. "- never experienced before or since." This might better fit into the next paragraph later in piece. Or may be unneeded. Then you can go directly from mentioning that something "unexpected happened" to describing it: "A cloud of small green . ."
. "This resembled" This is not either the act of stopping or the decision to stop, so it should be specified. If moved to the preceding paragraph it wouldn't need to be specified. Or possibly simply put it at the start of the paragraph where it is now at the end. "Stopping was the right decision." would be a great stand-alone paragraph that emphasizes your sister's good driving.
. "Gathering it in my arms(add ,) I carried it gently back to the car. "
. "Our outing proceeded uneventfully." Not needed, delete. Let the next sentence stand on its own to introduce the second half of your essay.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you very much Kate, for your thoughtful review and suggestions. Always appreciated, and gives me food for thought.
Wendy.
Comment from Anne Johnston
Your story is well written, very interesting. I can understand how your sister must have felt, hitting all those birds, but rescuing the little koala. I like the fact that she studied veterinary science, as it seems she had a love for animals.
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Your story is well written, very interesting. I can understand how your sister must have felt, hitting all those birds, but rescuing the little koala. I like the fact that she studied veterinary science, as it seems she had a love for animals.
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you very much Anne for these supportive comments and also for the honour of six stars. Greatly appreciated, it?s an honour I value.
Wendy
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You are very welcome, Wendy.
Comment from Annmuma
Creative and interesting! Caught my interest up front and had just enough suspense to keep it. I was a little disappointed that it was marked as fiction; I love your biographical posts and I thought this contest was steered toward non-fiction. At any rate, good writing. ann
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Creative and interesting! Caught my interest up front and had just enough suspense to keep it. I was a little disappointed that it was marked as fiction; I love your biographical posts and I thought this contest was steered toward non-fiction. At any rate, good writing. ann
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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It was mostly true but I gather that this one permitted fiction, so a couple of sentences are not non-fiction, and I wanted to be honest. I think there are other part fiction entries as well. Thank you for your super review. Always appreciated.
Wendy
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Sometimes, words are insufficient to express what one would like to say. So, instead, I'm posting you a six-star review. This was well-written but that's like the student telling the teacher she did well.
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Sometimes, words are insufficient to express what one would like to say. So, instead, I'm posting you a six-star review. This was well-written but that's like the student telling the teacher she did well.
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Tom, thank you so very much for this lovely honour of six stars, and your your very encouraging review. Always much appreciated.
Wendy.