Spirit song-Behind this fence .
Tribute to a saint.50 total reviews
Comment from Frank Malley
This is a poem of supplication, asking God to bring into his grace and love someone who is suffering. There are several lines in which the meter and meaning could be improved, for example "For I have loved you long before you/The earth was formed/ With sea or shore." The inclusion of "you" may be a typo; if it's removed, the line flows better and its meaning is clearer. I must admit I'm not fond of adulatory poetry. This poem does nothing to establish Marie as a person besides describing her being generally lost and suffering; I think the poem would be improved by some more inventive comparisons, e.g., "She wilts like a marigold bereft of sun/ She's damp and cold, fulfillment unwon." If a poem deals in humanity via what is merely traditionally prayerful begging (albeit clever), it loses creative sparkle in the same way that the repeated prayers of a missal or tract book lose vitality: the particularities of being human are not treated, nor are the particularities of material existence celebrated.
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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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This is a poem of supplication, asking God to bring into his grace and love someone who is suffering. There are several lines in which the meter and meaning could be improved, for example "For I have loved you long before you/The earth was formed/ With sea or shore." The inclusion of "you" may be a typo; if it's removed, the line flows better and its meaning is clearer. I must admit I'm not fond of adulatory poetry. This poem does nothing to establish Marie as a person besides describing her being generally lost and suffering; I think the poem would be improved by some more inventive comparisons, e.g., "She wilts like a marigold bereft of sun/ She's damp and cold, fulfillment unwon." If a poem deals in humanity via what is merely traditionally prayerful begging (albeit clever), it loses creative sparkle in the same way that the repeated prayers of a missal or tract book lose vitality: the particularities of being human are not treated, nor are the particularities of material existence celebrated.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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Thanks
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
'Spirit-song -Behind this Fence', is an exceptionally well-written and spiritually uplifting piece. It was a privilege to both read and review this talented poet's work. To me this is definitely a six. I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2021
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'Spirit-song -Behind this Fence', is an exceptionally well-written and spiritually uplifting piece. It was a privilege to both read and review this talented poet's work. To me this is definitely a six. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much Duchess, for these wonderful comments and a terrific review, blessings Roy
Comment from Carlos' girl
Wow, what a great poem. The cadence, the metre is just out of this world. It has such an infectious beat it just sweeps the reader up. Very affectionate and loving poem about your friend Marie. Nice portrait.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2021
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Wow, what a great poem. The cadence, the metre is just out of this world. It has such an infectious beat it just sweeps the reader up. Very affectionate and loving poem about your friend Marie. Nice portrait.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for these wonderful comments and a terrific review, blessings Roy
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You're welcome Roy
Comment from Annette R.
I much enjoyed the poem. Wondered in the line "For I loved you long before, you". The you seems out of place but your choice of course. Happy to read your thoughts about your friend as this reminds me of my Grandfather a minister. His conviction suffering on his from leukemia on his death bed that he was going home is the reason I know there is a God.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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I much enjoyed the poem. Wondered in the line "For I loved you long before, you". The you seems out of place but your choice of course. Happy to read your thoughts about your friend as this reminds me of my Grandfather a minister. His conviction suffering on his from leukemia on his death bed that he was going home is the reason I know there is a God.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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It?s actually true, in psalm 139 God saw every day of our lives before the foundation of the earth, there is no time in eternity, check it out, Annette, thank you, blessings Roy
Comment from Dr. Nad
Roy, thank you for sharing the vision of your dear friend. This world is so full of stories and narratives that are false. the world wants to deny the reality of the divine. We need to be bold in our proclamation. "We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony" She was an overcomer. Blessings on you!
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Roy, thank you for sharing the vision of your dear friend. This world is so full of stories and narratives that are false. the world wants to deny the reality of the divine. We need to be bold in our proclamation. "We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony" She was an overcomer. Blessings on you!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for these thoughtful comments and empathetic review, blessings Roy
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent poem, telling of a remarkable event that obviously changed the life not only of Marie, but also of all those whose lives she touched. Amazing. Thanks for sharing. Kate xx
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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This is an excellent poem, telling of a remarkable event that obviously changed the life not only of Marie, but also of all those whose lives she touched. Amazing. Thanks for sharing. Kate xx
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much Kate, for these thoughtful comments and empathetic review, blessings Roy
Comment from Mary Vigasin
Roy, you have written a beautiful tribute to your friend, and at the same time introduce us to a woman who found her joy and faith in Jesus to share this and help others find this same joy.
Thank you for sharing her.
Blessings
Mary
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Roy, you have written a beautiful tribute to your friend, and at the same time introduce us to a woman who found her joy and faith in Jesus to share this and help others find this same joy.
Thank you for sharing her.
Blessings
Mary
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much Mary, for these thoughtful comments and empathetic review, blessings Roy
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Thanks for sharing
the artwork, notes
and poem, Roy.
-It is a well written tribute
to your friend from church.
-I liked learning a little
about her and why she
was so special.
-Not knowing her, you seem
to capture her spirit of how
she must have felt when
she " stood behind this big broad fence."
-You show some of the doubts
she might have had, but
she is comforted by the words
she hears that invite her in and
to not be afraid.
-I think she would like the
story you told very much.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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-Thanks for sharing
the artwork, notes
and poem, Roy.
-It is a well written tribute
to your friend from church.
-I liked learning a little
about her and why she
was so special.
-Not knowing her, you seem
to capture her spirit of how
she must have felt when
she " stood behind this big broad fence."
-You show some of the doubts
she might have had, but
she is comforted by the words
she hears that invite her in and
to not be afraid.
-I think she would like the
story you told very much.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much Pam, for these thoughtful comments and empathetic review, blessings Roy
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You are very welcome, Roy.
Comment from Sally Law
Such a lovely person and saint of God described here. How fitting to send her off with such love and appreciation. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Such a lovely person and saint of God described here. How fitting to send her off with such love and appreciation. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much Sally for these thoughtful comments and empathetic review, blessings Roy
Comment from Ulla
Hi Roy, again you've written a lovely poem about a woman who found her faith and stayed true to it until the end of her life. She helped so many and very unselfishly so. I can understand why she's held in high esteem even after her death. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Hi Roy, again you've written a lovely poem about a woman who found her faith and stayed true to it until the end of her life. She helped so many and very unselfishly so. I can understand why she's held in high esteem even after her death. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much Ulla, for these thoughtful comments and empathetic review, blessings Roy