Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap. 2"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
21 total reviews
Comment from royowen
It's always quite hard following a new story and getting "into" the plot, until one becomes familiar with the characters and plot, but I'm used to that, and you do cover the synopsis area of your writing well Carol. Great new story my, you are quite prolific, well done, great post, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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It's always quite hard following a new story and getting "into" the plot, until one becomes familiar with the characters and plot, but I'm used to that, and you do cover the synopsis area of your writing well Carol. Great new story my, you are quite prolific, well done, great post, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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Thanks Roy... The first chapter was about Mary and John (when they were very young) Now we are in present time and Mary (you will hear more about her soon) and we've not come across Jon (especially since Mary thinks he's dead).... their past will play an important role in the story. Hope that helps a bit.
Thanks so much as always, Carol
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Thanks Carol. Great help
Comment from Patty Palmer
A great chapter to your new book. As always I enjoyed it immensely and anticipating the next chapter to come along. Your writing is so professional but easy to follow the dialogue keeps the reader's interest. Great job!
Patty
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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A great chapter to your new book. As always I enjoyed it immensely and anticipating the next chapter to come along. Your writing is so professional but easy to follow the dialogue keeps the reader's interest. Great job!
Patty
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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thanks, Patty...
i always like to know what attracts a reader and what turns them off... It's good to know. Lots of smiles to you, Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is already becoming very intriguing, Carol. The characters and dialogue are believable and you've left us with the same questions that Elizabeth has. Keep them coming.
One spag: Dr. Copeland brings supplies one(once) a week
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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This is already becoming very intriguing, Carol. The characters and dialogue are believable and you've left us with the same questions that Elizabeth has. Keep them coming.
One spag: Dr. Copeland brings supplies one(once) a week
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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Thanks Judy...
I wasn't sure if this would come off as interesting as the other story I wrote, but I think it will once we are deeper into it. Appreciate the kind review and the help.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really like this story. I can't wait for more information.
As so for what I pointed out here. Telephone conversations are really hard to write and stay in a POV. I got tired of being gigged so I only write one conversation and sort of have the POV person repeat what the other person said. You can do it with two conversation, but....You can only state the POV person heard, no actions.
Elizabeth hissed through clenched teeth. Her fingers were void of blood as she gripped the telephone receiver. (One POV)
She swatted away the tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. (another POV)
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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I really like this story. I can't wait for more information.
As so for what I pointed out here. Telephone conversations are really hard to write and stay in a POV. I got tired of being gigged so I only write one conversation and sort of have the POV person repeat what the other person said. You can do it with two conversation, but....You can only state the POV person heard, no actions.
Elizabeth hissed through clenched teeth. Her fingers were void of blood as she gripped the telephone receiver. (One POV)
She swatted away the tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. (another POV)
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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OH, woe is me! I keep struggling to get this right and I guess I have left all my English classes behind...
Thanks for continuing to try and set me straight. I will work on it harder.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Okay! The story continues. A secret emerges and it is one Liz had not been privy to at all. She was unaware of the women and why they are residents on the property Jack had gifted her with. Perhaps the DR. can fill in the blanks. Good job. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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Okay! The story continues. A secret emerges and it is one Liz had not been privy to at all. She was unaware of the women and why they are residents on the property Jack had gifted her with. Perhaps the DR. can fill in the blanks. Good job. Nancy:)
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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She will need to get her information from someone, but I'm not too sure the doctor will be willing to share his patient's confidences. We shall see! Thanks for the review... and of course your interest in my writing.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
Huh, more questions than answers . . . "another of those tangled webs we weave." That no one ever notices unless we get caught, pants up or down. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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Huh, more questions than answers . . . "another of those tangled webs we weave." That no one ever notices unless we get caught, pants up or down. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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You amaze me!
Of course, I can never write something straight forward and direct, it is far more fun to take the back roads with all the twists and turns. There will be many questions and probably few answers... lol
Smiles, Carol
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Answers allow us to relax. Questions, keep us guessing on the edges of our seat. :-)
Comment from Carol Clark2
You always have many interesting characters in your stories. I appreciate the helpful list of who's who. It sounds like there are other important things Jack has not told his wife. Looking forward to the next segment of the story. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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You always have many interesting characters in your stories. I appreciate the helpful list of who's who. It sounds like there are other important things Jack has not told his wife. Looking forward to the next segment of the story. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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Thanks, Carol
I appreciate your reading and commenting... I am flying by the seat of my pants on this one...hoping the story evolves as I see it... but one never knows. My stories tend to get a life of their own. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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I'm sure it will be great, either way. Have a blessed day.
Comment from Susan Newell
This is an excellent second chapter as we get to know a new set of characters and are introduced to multiple mysterious events. As always, the dialogue sounds natural and appropriate. Of course . . . I want more!
Proofreading notes:
Investigative Reporter ==> investigative reporter (no different than plumber, doctor, radio announcer, etc. )
Estate and Winery ==> estate and winery unless you are referring to the Great Valley Estate and Winery (no different than farm and restaurant, etc.)
when the initial report came across -- I'd insert "report of the accident came" -- just so readers don't question,"What report?"
lights, sirens, and horn honking -- honking horns would keep things parallel
not been an accident, and it was rarely -- suggest replacing "it" with "her gut" (antecedent for it is accident)
their investigation. ==> investigations
Elizabeth's stomach churned as the twisted metal moaned as the wreckage was lifted from its watery grave. -- This sentence can be improved. "as the . . . as the" is a little awkward.
but his sudden death has shaken ==> had shaken
The Estate Foreman, Darryl ==> estate foreman
It concerns Dr. Copeland?" -- not a question
Faith and her daughter, and Mary. of course, ==> Mary,
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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This is an excellent second chapter as we get to know a new set of characters and are introduced to multiple mysterious events. As always, the dialogue sounds natural and appropriate. Of course . . . I want more!
Proofreading notes:
Investigative Reporter ==> investigative reporter (no different than plumber, doctor, radio announcer, etc. )
Estate and Winery ==> estate and winery unless you are referring to the Great Valley Estate and Winery (no different than farm and restaurant, etc.)
when the initial report came across -- I'd insert "report of the accident came" -- just so readers don't question,"What report?"
lights, sirens, and horn honking -- honking horns would keep things parallel
not been an accident, and it was rarely -- suggest replacing "it" with "her gut" (antecedent for it is accident)
their investigation. ==> investigations
Elizabeth's stomach churned as the twisted metal moaned as the wreckage was lifted from its watery grave. -- This sentence can be improved. "as the . . . as the" is a little awkward.
but his sudden death has shaken ==> had shaken
The Estate Foreman, Darryl ==> estate foreman
It concerns Dr. Copeland?" -- not a question
Faith and her daughter, and Mary. of course, ==> Mary,
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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You never cease to amaze me... I used Grammarly, Word editor, and ProWrite solutions and really thought I had this made....
Guess not! A few I thought I'd changed, but I must have forgot to hit save... a senile problem of mine..LOL I have corrected according to my Susan Editoring System and send a bundle of thank yous with my smiles.
I have the third chapter ready to go but need to get some $$$ first... posting the thought of the day eats up a lot of it as well.
Thanks again!! You are the best! Wish I could nominate you more than once.... Smiles, Carol
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Never trust artificial intelligence. Fake is never as good as real. :-) Learn to trust yourself. (Editing is a lot easier than creating.) You rock!
Comment from BethShelby
Now we're getting the mystery and possible crimes. This is very interesting and I 'm looking forward to learning more. I'm not sure why the doctor comes to visit the people in the cabin. I'll be looking forward to finding out more.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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Now we're getting the mystery and possible crimes. This is very interesting and I 'm looking forward to learning more. I'm not sure why the doctor comes to visit the people in the cabin. I'll be looking forward to finding out more.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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Beth,
I am glad that you can see the mystery lying not only with the deaths but with the living as well. Thanks for enjoying another chapter and I hope I continue to hold your interest.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Hmm, that sounds very strange. Surely Jack didn't have another lady and a child that Elizabeth didn't know about? Stranger things happen, and Jack obviously kept this a secret for a reason, but what? You have quite a story here, Carol, full of intrigue, murder and goodness knows what going on. This will be a brilliant story, I just know it! Well done again, my dear, clever friend. :)) Sandra xx
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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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Hmm, that sounds very strange. Surely Jack didn't have another lady and a child that Elizabeth didn't know about? Stranger things happen, and Jack obviously kept this a secret for a reason, but what? You have quite a story here, Carol, full of intrigue, murder and goodness knows what going on. This will be a brilliant story, I just know it! Well done again, my dear, clever friend. :)) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2021
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Great...I have tweaked your interest. i hope I can do it and my reader's justice with this one...It's a complicated story with lives entwined everywhere... It's in my head so I hope I can get it down on paper correctly...Smiles, Carol
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If anyone can, you can Carol. I'm so glad you have this project now, you needed it. Yes, you have my full attention! xxx
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I did need it! I can feel the difference in myself as I write each morning on the Thought of the Day and then begin on the story... Matt is starting to film again but I've decided my only involvement will be to feed them... I need to focus on what I love too. Smiles, Carol
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Good for you!! I know you'll be fine and do a brilliant job focusing on your writing. :)) xx