Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Football Chapter 14 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
27 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara, you've written the roles of both Katherine and Gabe with a lot of emotion and showing how our own minds can change something innocent to guilty vibes. I believe Katherine has deeper problems and must come to terms with them before she will see it is not ego but a true honest change in Gabe. She's lucky he will keep trying but for how long? Nicely written. Smiles to you, Carol
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Barbara, you've written the roles of both Katherine and Gabe with a lot of emotion and showing how our own minds can change something innocent to guilty vibes. I believe Katherine has deeper problems and must come to terms with them before she will see it is not ego but a true honest change in Gabe. She's lucky he will keep trying but for how long? Nicely written. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Katherine does have deep issues. They'll be coming out. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Barbara, this is not the first Romance that has stumbled and fallen because of preconceptions. Katherine is all messed up because she thinks Gabe has this big ego, I think this is not the case. I think his ego got thrown in the trash along with his liquor bottles and previous behavior.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Dear Barbara, this is not the first Romance that has stumbled and fallen because of preconceptions. Katherine is all messed up because she thinks Gabe has this big ego, I think this is not the case. I think his ego got thrown in the trash along with his liquor bottles and previous behavior.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
I'll go to her room then. We need to work this out. I need coffee. [Please don't take this as criticism. It's not intended as such, but as I read your "inner-talk" that your editor warned you against using too much of, I thought how this could illustrate the "inner-talk" in more of a narrative fashion. It could read Anyway, it's just a thought.]
You know, I just realized how well you have written this scene with Gabriel confronting Katherine--and really the scene before it when Gabriel was talking with Bill. I found myself saying out loud, "What?!" when Katherine asked if he was saying it was her fault. Your writing created a visceral response in me. That's unusual.]
"Gabriel, I mean Coach." [Seems like this sentence should be followed by an M-dash since she's being interrupted.]
His ego barely fits on the football field as it is." [It really pisses me off to hear her say this--and she says it so often. Again, it's you, the writer who is effectively feeding my emotions.]
This is some excellent writing, Barbara.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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I'll go to her room then. We need to work this out. I need coffee. [Please don't take this as criticism. It's not intended as such, but as I read your "inner-talk" that your editor warned you against using too much of, I thought how this could illustrate the "inner-talk" in more of a narrative fashion. It could read
You know, I just realized how well you have written this scene with Gabriel confronting Katherine--and really the scene before it when Gabriel was talking with Bill. I found myself saying out loud, "What?!" when Katherine asked if he was saying it was her fault. Your writing created a visceral response in me. That's unusual.]
"Gabriel, I mean Coach." [Seems like this sentence should be followed by an M-dash since she's being interrupted.]
His ego barely fits on the football field as it is." [It really pisses me off to hear her say this--and she says it so often. Again, it's you, the writer who is effectively feeding my emotions.]
This is some excellent writing, Barbara.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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At the beginning of your review. I simply deleted that part. I think I covered in the rest of the post. Thank you. Katherine has a lot of issues and we're just touching on them.
Comment from royowen
Katherine is going to have to face her attraction, and really, he bias over mistaking a good self image for a swollen ego, and her gratitude for him liking her, but she doesn't want to face an embarrassing situation in which she is the sole problem holder. Well done, blessings Barbara, Roy
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Katherine is going to have to face her attraction, and really, he bias over mistaking a good self image for a swollen ego, and her gratitude for him liking her, but she doesn't want to face an embarrassing situation in which she is the sole problem holder. Well done, blessings Barbara, Roy
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
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My pleasure Barbara
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Oops, so Katherine is mad because she is attracted to him.... I think this is kind of backwards, but who knows maybe is some logic into it. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Oops, so Katherine is mad because she is attracted to him.... I think this is kind of backwards, but who knows maybe is some logic into it. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
As I was reading this I thought about times in my life when I was innocent of something but I ended up looking like the bad guy - uh, girl - anyway, when I was the varsity cheerleading coach, the jv coach was a male Spanish teacher (cute as a button) and just a few years older than me. My husband was stationed overseas at the time. Before we knew it, the rumor was that the jv coach and I were getting it on because we always sat together at the games as we oversaw our girls. When news got to my mom, she asked a few seething questions (she adored my husband). I have to admit I took a certain delight in telling her the jv coach was a gay man (not often said out loud in our area in 1975). It ended the discussion - pronto.
BTW, IMHO, your post was just right.
Jan
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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barbara:
As I was reading this I thought about times in my life when I was innocent of something but I ended up looking like the bad guy - uh, girl - anyway, when I was the varsity cheerleading coach, the jv coach was a male Spanish teacher (cute as a button) and just a few years older than me. My husband was stationed overseas at the time. Before we knew it, the rumor was that the jv coach and I were getting it on because we always sat together at the games as we oversaw our girls. When news got to my mom, she asked a few seething questions (she adored my husband). I have to admit I took a certain delight in telling her the jv coach was a gay man (not often said out loud in our area in 1975). It ended the discussion - pronto.
BTW, IMHO, your post was just right.
Jan
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the story. I loved it. LOL
Comment from Sankey
Well done, yet again. I mean how much of him did she see? I thought his nether regions were covered but I may have been wrong. Good point that he doesn't have anything she has not seen before. I forget how long it has been since her husband died. No spags.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Well done, yet again. I mean how much of him did she see? I thought his nether regions were covered but I may have been wrong. Good point that he doesn't have anything she has not seen before. I forget how long it has been since her husband died. No spags.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Her husband died 6 months ago. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-This is a very good chapter,
and shows the impact of the
locker room encounter very well.
-You do a good job of showing the
viewpoints of Gabe and Katherine.
-She didn't show up for the walk,
and Bill seems to think it's Gabe's fault, too.
-We see how Katherine feels inwardly
about Gabe, and it's easy to see why.
-I am sure she feels totally embarrassed
and also doesn't know what to do
about her feelings.
-At least they talk a little bit about it,
and then there are coaching details
to be taken care of.
-Their meeting will be very interesting
to see what direction it goes in.
-Well done.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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-This is a very good chapter,
and shows the impact of the
locker room encounter very well.
-You do a good job of showing the
viewpoints of Gabe and Katherine.
-She didn't show up for the walk,
and Bill seems to think it's Gabe's fault, too.
-We see how Katherine feels inwardly
about Gabe, and it's easy to see why.
-I am sure she feels totally embarrassed
and also doesn't know what to do
about her feelings.
-At least they talk a little bit about it,
and then there are coaching details
to be taken care of.
-Their meeting will be very interesting
to see what direction it goes in.
-Well done.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from judiverse
Katherine's the one who's at fault here. She could easily have asked directions to his office. This shows that she's becoming too close to him and should not let him ruin her career. Probably taking on the coaching position for the girls' track team was a bit too much for a first-year teacher. Plus too many other people are getting involved in the situation. Raising four sons when she's as young as she is enough of a challenge. I hope she learns not to try to do too much and not to let Gabriel overwhelm her. Things are getting exciting. judi
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Katherine's the one who's at fault here. She could easily have asked directions to his office. This shows that she's becoming too close to him and should not let him ruin her career. Probably taking on the coaching position for the girls' track team was a bit too much for a first-year teacher. Plus too many other people are getting involved in the situation. Raising four sons when she's as young as she is enough of a challenge. I hope she learns not to try to do too much and not to let Gabriel overwhelm her. Things are getting exciting. judi
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Katherine has a lot to learn. She was protected and it will raise it's ugly head. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're very welcome. So many distractions can't be good. You're showing her learning to deal with them. judi
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, I don't quite know, what to make of this story. It's taking place in the 21st century and to see a man half naked after having had four children can't be such a big deal. What's the fuss about? Yeah, she's attracted to him, but the 'Victorian bit' doesn't quite fit in. Don't take me wrong, it's well written and I do like the story line.
"Here's map of the school.= "Here's a map of the school.
How was I supposed to know you were going walk in = ... were going to walk in
All best, Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Hi Barbara, I don't quite know, what to make of this story. It's taking place in the 21st century and to see a man half naked after having had four children can't be such a big deal. What's the fuss about? Yeah, she's attracted to him, but the 'Victorian bit' doesn't quite fit in. Don't take me wrong, it's well written and I do like the story line.
"Here's map of the school.= "Here's a map of the school.
How was I supposed to know you were going walk in = ... were going to walk in
All best, Ulla:)))
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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More of who Katherine is and what shaped her is about to come out and will continue to trickle out for a while. Thank you for the kind review.